10/2 China AMPS 75,+3 68,+6 75,+8 63, PMPS 71,+2 77,+4 74,+8 75

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Chris & China (GA)

Chris & China (GA)

Member Since 2013
9/30 condo

10/1 AMPS 67, +5 61,+7.5 85, PMPS 90 +2 46,+4 59,+6.5 78

Miss China is doing great! She's paddling her little paws off in the lagoon

Had a bad day yesterday with DM and I'm really agonizing over what's best for her....she was really badly confused most of the day. She didn't know what day it was, what time of year it was (thought it was April), couldn't find her phone (on her bedside table where she always puts it), didn't remember which pills she should take or when, etc.

She has good days and bad days, but the bad days are coming closer and closer together. I really don't know what I'm going to do with her. She really doesn't like living in the Assisted Living center and she also really can't afford it....she'd have to spend the last little bit of her money (would only pay for about 4 months) and then she'd qualify for Medicaid, but if she goes on Medicaid, she'd only get $30/month for the rest of her life since they would take her Social Security and pension and that would mean she wouldn't have any money for things she still enjoys doing, like going out for dinner, going to Branson, etc

Sorry for dumping on you guys, but this is driving me crazy and I don't have anybody else to talk to about it

Hope you're all having a better weekend!
 
Such great numbers for Miss China :)

I'm sorry about the situation with your DM. It sounds really difficult. If the bad days outweigh the good days then I guess it's decision time, but $30 left a month seems so little :(
 
So happy China is doing so well! My heart goes out to you and your DM. We had to travel that path as well, and there is nothing easy about any single step on that road.....big hugs:bighug::bighug:
 
well...
i for one know of what you speak.
My dgm went thru all this ...and still is... maybe.
After moving her out here, her combined retirement / late husband's retirement totalled about $2000/mo...
her dementia was bad but i kept her grounded.
Then she had a stroke.... and had to do physical therapy.... and she gradually wouldn't do any extra therapy at home
at all....and lost all the progress she had made.
And she fussed constantly... I couldn't make her happy at all. Without her mind, she had no interest in any thing at all....
didn't even want to sit outside with me while I worked. She even started messing up her medications and i had to take over that too.

And then she quit eating, always tho't she just had eaten and was full, and I couldn't manage her toileting decline.
Hospice visited and tho't she didn't have another week.... she was down to 80 lbs.

maybe I could have hired someone to come change her and help me manage....
but I knew that I would have to get up severely early to either let a nurse in the house.... or might not have someone
at the most necessary times. And I don't think her money would have been enough for full time help.

So...
hospice moved her out to the assisted living... which she couldn't afford at $210 / day.
And the nursing home is medicaid only or cash up front.
So in this state, I had to set her up with a qualifying trust....
She had no assets left. For a year, I got paid for what I did for her.
her money now goes in a trust that belongs to the state when she dies....
i have to write a check for $1600 each month from the trust and the rest just accumulates.... and she gets $69 allowance.

I can't reverse it but I also could not manage her constant need for my attention.
It wasn't good for me to be trying to lift her all the time.
This way i can just be the granddaughter and instead of resenting me, she resents the nursing home.

She hates it there but I know she's got care and they will find her if she falls faster than I did ( as I can't hear)
She fell every day or night while she was here.
When she got out there, they had junk food around all the time so she gained weight and rallyed. She also wheeled herself
up and down the halls , and drove the staff crazy for a while....

This is becoming more and more common....with dementia/alzheimers at such an all time high....
It's really hard to cope with it....
either by trying to be the good daughter/son or having it taken out of your hands.....

just know that you are doing right by her now.... That you have done for her... and tried.....
and that you won't be able to manage all of it by yourself.....
there comes a day where you need to take care of yourself , be the daughter, and not the caretaker.
Your emotional state is at risk.


Instead of going out, you can take her something special ....
mine liked eating out too....

the nursing home doesn't seem to make them burgers and fries....
so I took that to her back when she could eat them....

I took her some french fries a few weeks ago.... and she didn't even remember what it was.
She tasted it and said it was good.... it tastes like potatos....
so it was a whole new experience.

so ...
many hugs for you....
it's hard.....
it's damn hard....
and you will have to make peace with what is coming.... with your decisions when it's time.
Guilt should not keep you enslaved dealing with more than you can handle.
You've given and given and done your best.
it's what happens when our loved ones outlive every one else.
You have been a great daughter to her.
 
{{{Chris}}}

Such a difficult situation. We went through it with my dad, but fortunately he was a veteran and the VA in Tucson is wonderful. Still, it was hard on my mom and my sister (they lived in AZ). Much as I hate the way my mom passed, and that I didn't get to say goodbye, I'll always be grateful that we didn't have to go through this with her. I hope you can find a balance that works for both of you. Whatever comes, please don't feel guilty, because I know you will do your very best for her, just as you do for your furbabies.

China, you are such a good girl to give Mama gorgeous numbers when she needs to have her attention elsewhere. Please keep up that beautiful surfing!

Sending vines, prayers and :bighug:s.
 
sarahtee said:
30 left a month seems so little
Click to expand...

Yeah...it really sucks that you have to be destitute before you can qualify for any help at all and then they only allow you such a pittance to live the rest of your life on. Mom and dad worked hard all their lives from when they were 12.....so unfair that now that she really needs help, she can't get it without giving up every last thing she worked so hard for
 
If she has a small amount left... she could start " paying " you for help.... She could even start buying gift cards... restaurants,
grocery store, pet store..... These are are valid purchases with her money.
and you could hold it for her so she can have outings if she's still able.... make a trade....

i took my dgm out at first..... when she could sort of understand to lift herself a little....
but once she went full dead wait on me, I couldn't get her in and out of the car anymore.
 
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Bless you and everything you're doing for your DM. My Dad passed away in 2010 and us kids had to come help when the end came near as my mom was disabled because of an emergency surgery due to an intestinal perforation because of diverticulitis. It was a very difficult time - more so for you because of what you're dealing with. Take it a day at a time. Lots of hugs & love to you. :bighug:
 
China, keep being an absolute joy; your mama needs that.

Chris, I wish I had some magic words or solutions. I can say only that you need to be a good you to you and do the best you can for your DM. All any of us can do is what we can do; we can't do more as much as we may want to. You're a fantastic daughter. Nothing decided now or in the future will change that. But you have to be good to you.

And vent away. We are, you know, a family. Not just for our kits, but for each other.

:bighug::bighug::bighug:

Marilyn
 
I am sure loving her numbers today....lowest was a 63 and highest was a 77 :D:D:D:D:D

Now I call that a Very Tightly Controlled little white China!!!

No so good on the weight though....she gained 2 ounce...first "gain" since we started . I really don't know what else I could do to help her lose more. She gets 1 Nature Variety Chicken medallion for breakfast, .5tsp of FF once (sometimes twice) a day, then 1 oz of NV Chicken medallion at PMPS and .5 tspFF@+2/4

That's NOT a lot of calories so she should be LOSING, not gaining!!:banghead::banghead::banghead:

Going to sleep on it...maybe the answers will go to me in my dreams
 
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Chris VTC little white China:D:D:D:D:D!!!!!
As I read about your DM my heart feels sad...... I fear that disease more than any other that's out there. I share your pain and pray that you will be guided as to what decisions will be made.
What Rhiannon shared was sad but very helpful ;)! It is horrible that you can work your whole life and contribute so much and the government takes so much from you. Then when you really need what you have worked your whole life for the G takes what little you have and treats you with little to no regard..... Shame on our system:mad::mad::mad::mad:. In my eyes it's a crime to turn your back on the elderly especially when you have a disease as your DM has. Some how it will all work out! :bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
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