Health Post: Our Mental/Emotional Health

[Louellen]

I didn't quite know what forum to post this to but, I was thinking that we (as Sugar Kitty Caregivers) might need some "Emotional Health Help" as well...for ourselves....as well as the technical stuff for our kitties. (Please excuse me if I'm posting this on the wrong board). Our emotional health as caregivers is also important to our Sugar Kittie's health.

I don't know how you all feel (thus, my reason for starting this topic) but, I do know that initially and possibly even as veterans when up or down dosing, mentally and emotionally, it can all become really draining and stressful on us as well as their caregivers and decision makers. It's draining and worrisome. Quite frankly, I'm feeling very stressed out in spite of the fact that I am getting such wonderful technical support from everyone blessed one of you here and ever so grateful in every way.

I suppose that it doesn't help much that I have a difficult, former feral cat to deal with and try to do my best with to keep as healthy as humanly possible. It may also not help much that I'm, by nature, rather a worrier whom Hubby calls "a basket case". However, i do know that it has been feeling overwhelming and worrisome and the stress is really creeping up....which doesn't help kitty any either.

I love my Sugar Kitty with all of my heart and will do anything for her. I think that may be the problem as I'm seemingly, living my life, watching her every move and worrying endlessly about the numbers etc. Can we become "too focused" for our own good and that of our kitties? (I know I'm not alone in these feelings as I've talked to a few people who are feeling the same way.) I think we all need some TLC for ourselves too so that we can be as good a caregiver as we possibly can. Our mental and emotional health affects our kitties' health too.

How do you all deal with the worry/stress factor that comes with having a Sugar Kitty? What do you tell yourself or how do you deal with it? Or, are you like me and let the stress build up until your chiropractor wants to shoot themselves or us or send us to a therapist?

Thanks in advance and if I've posted this to the wrong place, I do apologize.

 

[Dusty Bones]

I know exactly how you feel and deal with it every day! Sometimes I wonder if I'm just living my life for my kitties. I worry about their every move, when they go or don't go to the restroom, when they eat or don't eat, when they vomit or don't vomit, when they play or don't play, when they sleep with me or don't sleep with me... It's really enough to drive any sane person crazy! My way of coping is I tell myself I will give my all for my kitties but in the end if I'm not healthy mentally and physically then not only will I suffer but so will they. I also think about other people who are dealing with sick children, wives, husbands, parents, and friends. They have it so much worse than I do that in the big picture a vomiting kitty is really nothing to worry about. We have to keep things in perspective, love your kitties with all your heart but you need to size up the real problem/threat and realize that it's not the end of the world and in the end we'll get past this too.

 

[Petey'smom]

I don't know about anyone else but, when I'm at work I always worry a little that he will go hypo when I'm not home...Even though I put out extra food and stuff. Will I ever not worry about that? Probably not. But thus is the life of a sugar bean.

 

[Louellen]

@Dusty Bones...you are SO right. I think about the fact that there are people out in this world who have children at young ages, parents, siblings, husbands/wives etc., ill with serious and life threatening or terminal illnesses, dealing with it all day, every day. I nursed my entire family through life ending illnesses, one after another and honestly, I think it's fear of having another loss that drives me to try everything in my power to "save" Morrigan's health to the best of my ability.

I do think of my fur babies as "children" and I think that's what makes me think of this so seriously (though it shouldn't be taken lightly by any means). Like you, @ Petey's mom, I worry about being out...even though I need to be out, and what is happening to Morrigan while I'm out. That isn't healthy for us either. We have to work, go out, go to our own appointments and we have people who rely upon us and need us too.

As I just said to another member (privately), I've had over 20 pets (cats and dogs) in my lifetime thus far. Unfortunately, they have shorter life spans than we do (most of the time anyways) so, we can only do the best that we can for them but, we also have lives that need to be lived too. It's HOW to accept that fact and find a happy, Middle Ground between loving them and wanting to nurse them as well as having a HEALTHY life ourselves? We all need to work, do the things that we need to do and, be with others too. It's not healthy for us or our kitties to be quite so tensed and in their faces, testing and worrying as much as we all are.

I hope other will chime in when they get a chance to offer up their own personal perspectives for us as well as we all try our best for our Sugar Kitties. I think we can all comfort one another in one way or another. At least we know that we're not alone in being rather worried, tense and focused perhaps, a little too much at times on our cats.

 

[Dusty Bones]

I'm getting ready to go on vacation for 8 day and my biggest stress is not, leaving work, flying, leaving home, or the cost, it's leaving my kitties! Granted Dusty is OTJ and my other cat is a civie I still stress out because I know they'll miss me and wonder where I went. I know they'll be fine, I have a great pet nanny that will come visit them and feed them several times a day. The best part will be when they greet me upon my return!

 

[oscem]

I don't know about anyone else but, when I'm at work I always worry a little that he will go hypo when I'm not home...Even though I put out extra food and stuff. Will I ever not worry about that? Probably not. But thus is the life of a sugar bean.

It's our first day leaving Malcolm for a little while (maybe 4 hours, if that), and I'm having this same fear! (He was DXed Friday, had insulin on Saturday, skipped it due to an infection on Sunday and Monday, and got it again this morning, so we're brand new at this.) I came in because of a conference call we usually do in a group, but turns out several folks are on the road, so I could have just dialed in from home. I'm leaving the office in a couple of hours and am seriously contemplating how to phrase it to my boss that I need to work from home this week to keep an eye on my cat. The idea sounds perfectly normal to me, of course, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be a little cuckoo to my boss!

 

[Nancey]

I love this topic Louellen. I remember sitting in the floor just balling my eyes out trying to get blood out of poor little Frodo's ear to test and feeling so much like a bad parent because I had to poke him more than once to get blood. Those days are gone, but there are days I sit and cry because I feel like I am missing something or doing something wrong that keep his numbers are not going down. We finally took a few days last year to go home and visit my parents and then a long weekend to visit my husbands mother. I was worried the whole time we were gone, not just for Frodo, but I have a 17 year kitty that stays in a room by herself and keeping her with food is one of my top proprieties so she will gain weight. I mean she weighs 5.13 pounds and I do the happy dance when she poops. Plus my dog has lots of issues, she is a 15 year old Lab mix. I have the best pet sitter in the world, she is just amazing, but that does not keep me from worrying about my babies. My husband always says he feels guilty when we leave to go somewhere, which I do too. We all know, that no one takes as good care of them as we do. My world revolves around my critters, as they love us unconditionally. I have 7 cats and the dog, they all came from either the street, storm drain or feral colonies and the dog from a rescue. And almost all of them have some sort of issue. I would not give anything for these babies. Yes my friends and family call me the crazy cat lady, but I don't care, to me that is an awesome thing to be.

As for how I release my stress.. well I hate to admit it but on my way to work when I just can't deal anymore I wait until I am stopped somewhere and just scream , yes you heard me I scream at the top of my lungs. Then I take a deep breath, cry a little and move on from there. That seems to release a lot of frustration, stress and just built up anger. And on days when I can't do that I just sit and cry for a while.....

And as Louellen stated our fur babies are not here for long, but I cannot imagine a day or a my world without them. I have this verse on my wall in my cube at work, I got it off a website, petloss.com under their poem section. There are some wonderful stories and poems out there, but I will forewarn you if you read any of them have kleenex handy as many will bring tears to your eyes.

Here is the verse:

Fragile Circle​

"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan."

 

[Tuxedo Mom]

This is a wonderful post!! All too often we get so busy learning about feline diabetes and the right way to deal with it..the feeding, the insulin type, the monitoring, the testing and all, we forget what it is doing to us. I had a major breakdown 5 months ago when my Tuxie was first diagnosed and the original vet and clinic just made it worse with their attitude and "advise"..don't home test..just give him his shots and come back every 10 days for a glucose curve etc. I felt like a little naughty child who was being chastised for wanting to know and take part in Tuxie's treatment plan.

Changing vets and learning and learning and learning helped me over that, but the stress continues on. I know SO much more than I did 5 months ago but that didn't stop me from having a major meltdown a few weeks ago. Luckily the wonderful people here helped me scrape up my remaining sanity and continue on, feeling well supported and stronger.

Today, I was actually able to go out for almost 5 hours even though Tuxie's numbers had fallen quite a bit from his preshot. Just the understanding of how Tuxie reacts and when his nadir is and understanding how the insulin works gave me enough confidence to fine tune his food and go. Of course the MINUTE I got in the door I was looking for him and poking his little ear. But he was fine and I had time in the "outside" world.

Only dedicated pet parents can understand the care, concern, worry and frustration that comes with treating a sugar kitty.

Louellen your comment:

"I think it's fear of having another loss that drives me to try everything in my power to "save" Morrigan's health to the best of my ability"

echos my thoughts. Besides loving my Tuxie to pieces I sometimes feel I am trying to "save" loved ones who have passed over. But we do what we do because there just isn't any other choice. And the days we see those "happy" numbers on the spreadsheet make all the bad days worthwhile.

The long and short of it is that we love our furkids and we will do whatever we can to keep them as healthy and happy as possible.

 

[Red'sMomHeather]

I cannot tell you how thankful I am for this forum. The stress of it all is so much sometimes and it seems like this is the only place anyone truly understands.
I don't need the worry to go away entirely. I'm sure that's not much of an option, but I dream of falling into a routine of testing/feeding/shooting where things are stable and healthy.
Unfortunately I'm not very good at dealing with stress. And I hate that my source of stress relief has become a source of stress itself.

 

[Lori & Lulu]

This is definitely tough and stressful. I'm used to going to bed early and getting 8 hours. Not happening these days.
What I do is try to get out in nature, it seems to nourish my spirit. Luckily, it's worked out that Lulu hasn't been in a downward spiral on the days I plan to hike with friends -- touch wood. Just some fresh air, sunshine, the scent of the trees, the songs of the birds....ahhh, ecstacy!

P.S. If I didn't have the help of this forum, I'd probably be a basket case with a very sick kitty.

 

[Louellen]

I think it's really hard when we become the caregivers for a pet with an illness because, a lot of people will say, "it's just a cat/dog...." and not understand that to us, they are family members. Not everyone understands and not everyone would be willing to help out in these situations. Instead, they call us "crazy" or think it and move on with their days, still expecting us to do what we normally do. They simply don't understand our devotion to these "animals" (as they would say).

The above makes it doubly hard because we tend to feel like we are alone and have to deal with it all, on our own.
People would have no real issue with accepting the devotion to the care of a child or elderly parent or another human loved one. But, when we tell them it's a cat/dog...they suddenly seem to say "oh geez!" and slough it off. That's not how it feels for us and it is a tough job to be a caregiver for a pet because the resources we'd have for fellow humans during illnesses/caregiving help, just isn't there for us. Only another true fur baby lover would understand. Even there...people are reluctant to get involved for some odd reason.

There's also no "ambulances" and paramedics for pets. So, if we run into an emergency situation, it's getting into a car and getting to the nearest emergency ER clinic where we will get soaked with their bills. We know this. We feel like we are on our own with it all. And, let's face it...it's not like we can take our cats everywhere with us to keep an eye on them.

But, what if we don't live our lives? What if our lives revolve around staying at home, watching our pets (beyond having to work)? What if our days at work or social gatherings are fraught with worry about our pets at home? What if our lives are being crushed by the situation? And, who will pick up our pieces if we fall apart over a "cat"? Not many have that kind of ability to feel empathy for these types of situations and that can leave us feeling very alone, frightened, overwhelmed and stressed out with little relief in sight.

I find that just the fear alone of what is happening to our pets, is hard enough to deal with. I find the restrictions upon my life (not being selfish...just realistic as we have to work, go out and leave them or we're not living at all) are difficult. Knowing that I have to be home twice a day at certain times, come hell or high water, means restrictions on time and outings. Not that I mind that and not that I don't want to do it. But, it is stressful to plan everything we do around "shot and test times". That, in and of itself is stressful.
Then, we have the added stress of having to watch for hypoglycemic reactions and much more in our cats, fearing that we may be injecting them into a coma or death if their sugar drops too low. Yet, we want lower numbers as that is to be aimed for...for their sake as well as ours. Ultimately, we pray for "remission".

There's quite a few people who have diabetic cats and dogs yet, they are not on forums like this one. It's not that they don't care. It's that they put full faith in their vet's opinions and stick to that, fingers crossed for the best outcome. We, on the other hand, are consumed by our pet's well being and doing everything that we can to achieve it. Does that make us "The Nervous Sugar Kitty Parents"? Does it make us "neurotic"?

The answers to those questions are "possibly".

Quite obviously, we ARE the mom's and dad's of cats who have "special needs" and are loving enough to want to do everything humanly possible to keep our babies alive and as healthy as we can get them and keep them as long as we possibly can. But, can we go "overboard"? Are we going "overboard"? I'd say "no" but, there are others who would say...."you have to strike some sort of mid-ground between caring and becoming neurotic. I'm at the "neurotic" end of things as it seems many in here are or, we wouldn't be here.

But, in all honesty, I also think that personally, I need to find somewhat of a "balance" because certainly, watching Morrigan sleeping all day and not going out to get groceries or handing off lists of errands for Hubby to run so that I can get things done but, still watch Morrigan sleep, is not doing me any good. Not mentally or physically. For me (and, I think quite a number of people in here), it's become an "obsession" through loving them so much that we fear losing them.

What about our kids (if we have them) when they go out with friends? We don't know what they're doing and we certainly don't have crystal balls to tell us what could happen. We have to do our best and hope that they will be ok. We send them off to school if they are young and hope that they'll be ok, not get hurt or sick or some crazed person waltzing through a door with a gun like Sandy Hook. We simply have to "trust" that all will be well. We can't predict what "could happen" or we'd never let them out of their rooms.

So, what about our Sugar Kitties? Can we stay at home, watching them, waiting to take blood glucose numbers every couple of hours? Is that even a life for a cat? Is it necessary? Oh yes....but, does it need to be that we are so caught up in these tests and numbers that we fear going out anywhere or when we do, worrying about what's happening while we're out? What kind of a life is that for us? Yet...here we are! We're doing it to them and ourselves. The question is...how do we find that middle ground where we do all that we can but, have to trust that we've done our best and HAVE to go out and have a life too? Like our kids...we can't foresee everything or put them in a plastic bubble of protection. We might keep them alive but, slowly kill ourselves in the long-run and not be able to take care of them or enjoy them.

Where is that "happy medium" where our Sugar Kitties live a "cat life" (sleeping, eating, sleeping, eating, playing a bit, sleeping and eating) and where is our ability to live our lives? We might keep them alive but, what about enjoying them? Can their numbers and the diabetes overtake both our enjoyment of them and let our lives go down the sewer?

I don't know the answers to these questions at the moment as I'm still emotionally caught up in worry, fear and trying my best to keep my Sugar Kitty alive and well.

I know this is LONG and I apologize but I am thinking about all of this and trying to gain some perspective somewhere, somehow so that I can live a life and let Morrigan live hers too....as a cat....living a cat life...vs a lab animal, only there to get poked, tested, prodded, injected, chased with foods she doesn't like or want and watch her every movement while ignoring my life for he most part.

Still thinking! Anyone want to add their thoughts to what I've said?

 

[vexedgirl]

I think it's really hard when we become the caregivers for a pet with an illness because, a lot of people will say, "it's just a cat/dog...." and not understand that to us, they are family members. Not everyone understands and not everyone would be willing to help out in these situations. Instead, they call us "crazy" or think it and move on with their days, still expecting us to do what we normally do. They simply don't understand our devotion to these "animals" (as they would say).

The above makes it doubly hard because we tend to feel like we are alone and have to deal with it all, on our own.
People would have no real issue with accepting the devotion to the care of a child or elderly parent or another human loved one. But, when we tell them it's a cat/dog...they suddenly seem to say "oh geez!" and slough it off. That's not how it feels for us and it is a tough job to be a caregiver for a pet because the resources we'd have for fellow humans during illnesses/caregiving help, just isn't there for us. Only another true fur baby lover would understand. Even there...people are reluctant to get involved for some odd reason.

There's also no "ambulances" and paramedics for pets. So, if we run into an emergency situation, it's getting into a car and getting to the nearest emergency ER clinic where we will get soaked with their bills. We know this. We feel like we are on our own with it all. And, let's face it...it's not like we can take our cats everywhere with us to keep an eye on them.

But, what if we don't live our lives? What if our lives revolve around staying at home, watching our pets (beyond having to work)? What if our days at work or social gatherings are fraught with worry about our pets at home? What if our lives are being crushed by the situation? And, who will pick up our pieces if we fall apart over a "cat"? Not many have that kind of ability to feel empathy for these types of situations and that can leave us feeling very alone, frightened, overwhelmed and stressed out with little relief in sight.

I find that just the fear alone of what is happening to our pets, is hard enough to deal with. I find the restrictions upon my life (not being selfish...just realistic as we have to work, go out and leave them or we're not living at all) are difficult. Knowing that I have to be home twice a day at certain times, come hell or high water, means restrictions on time and outings. Not that I mind that and not that I don't want to do it. But, it is stressful to plan everything we do around "shot and test times". That, in and of itself is stressful.
Then, we have the added stress of having to watch for hypoglycemic reactions and much more in our cats, fearing that we may be injecting them into a coma or death if their sugar drops too low. Yet, we want lower numbers as that is to be aimed for...for their sake as well as ours. Ultimately, we pray for "remission".

There's quite a few people who have diabetic cats and dogs yet, they are not on forums like this one. It's not that they don't care. It's that they put full faith in their vet's opinions and stick to that, fingers crossed for the best outcome. We, on the other hand, are consumed by our pet's well being and doing everything that we can to achieve it. Does that make us "The Nervous Sugar Kitty Parents"? Does it make us "neurotic"?

The answers to those questions are "possibly".

Quite obviously, we ARE the mom's and dad's of cats who have "special needs" and are loving enough to want to do everything humanly possible to keep our babies alive and as healthy as we can get them and keep them as long as we possibly can. But, can we go "overboard"? Are we going "overboard"? I'd say "no" but, there are others who would say...."you have to strike some sort of mid-ground between caring and becoming neurotic. I'm at the "neurotic" end of things as it seems many in here are or, we wouldn't be here.

But, in all honesty, I also think that personally, I need to find somewhat of a "balance" because certainly, watching Morrigan sleeping all day and not going out to get groceries or handing off lists of errands for Hubby to run so that I can get things done but, still watch Morrigan sleep, is not doing me any good. Not mentally or physically. For me (and, I think quite a number of people in here), it's become an "obsession" through loving them so much that we fear losing them.

What about our kids (if we have them) when they go out with friends? We don't know what they're doing and we certainly don't have crystal balls to tell us what could happen. We have to do our best and hope that they will be ok. We send them off to school if they are young and hope that they'll be ok, not get hurt or sick or some crazed person waltzing through a door with a gun like Sandy Hook. We simply have to "trust" that all will be well. We can't predict what "could happen" or we'd never let them out of their rooms.

So, what about our Sugar Kitties? Can we stay at home, watching them, waiting to take blood glucose numbers every couple of hours? Is that even a life for a cat? Is it necessary? Oh yes....but, does it need to be that we are so caught up in these tests and numbers that we fear going out anywhere or when we do, worrying about what's happening while we're out? What kind of a life is that for us? Yet...here we are! We're doing it to them and ourselves. The question is...how do we find that middle ground where we do all that we can but, have to trust that we've done our best and HAVE to go out and have a life too? Like our kids...we can't foresee everything or put them in a plastic bubble of protection. We might keep them alive but, slowly kill ourselves in the long-run and not be able to take care of them or enjoy them.

Where is that "happy medium" where our Sugar Kitties live a "cat life" (sleeping, eating, sleeping, eating, playing a bit, sleeping and eating) and where is our ability to live our lives? We might keep them alive but, what about enjoying them? Can their numbers and the diabetes overtake both our enjoyment of them and let our lives go down the sewer?

I don't know the answers to these questions at the moment as I'm still emotionally caught up in worry, fear and trying my best to keep my Sugar Kitty alive and well.

I know this is LONG and I apologize but I am thinking about all of this and trying to gain some perspective somewhere, somehow so that I can live a life and let Morrigan live hers too....as a cat....living a cat life...vs a lab animal, only there to get poked, tested, prodded, injected, chased with foods she doesn't like or want and watch her every movement while ignoring my life for he most part.

Still thinking! Anyone want to add their thoughts to what I've said?

Thank you so, so, so much for this post. Edgar was just recently diagnosed. But he's had a ton of health problems before this, including kidney failure and seizures. He already gets medication 3x day for the seizures, which means I have to shell out $ on a daily basis to pay someone to come to my house in the middle of the afternoon and give him a pill. I don't have the kind of lifestyle that I can monitor him all the time...or even feed him at the same times every day! I'm completely torn up about everything, in the exact same ways that you described. There's so many other issues contributing to this, too. Including a second cat who ALSO gets medication twice a day, and then on top of it, my own health problems. I'm a complete wreck.

 

[Dusty Bones]

Louellen, you hit the nail on the head with that last post. I remember sitting around on weekends because I "couldn't" leave Dusty alone, no way, something might happen! Even after he was OTJ I felt I needed to watch him all the time. While at work I would feel this dread come over me and after work I would rush home as quick as could. If I was out shopping on weekends I would rush and hurry to get home. Then I slowly realized and am still realizing that he's fine, he's being a cat; eating, sleeping, playing, vomiting, pooping, doing what cats do. What am I doing here just letting my life slip away while sitting around staring at my cat? There's a fine line between being obsessed and just wanting to do the right thing for our kitties. I'm leaving on vacation tonight and it's always a big test for me. Regardless of them being sick or not I'll miss them because they're my buddies but I have to do what I have to do. I'll leave them well prepared with a pet nanny and all other matters are in God's hands.

 

[Louellen]

I had a battle last night with Morrigan. She was in one cantankerous mood and did not want her injection or to be tested. I stood there, meter readied, lancet, insulin needle ready, vaseline etc.. She growled, snarled, hissed, tried to run, even treats didn't tempt her to stay. It as midnight and I was exhausted too...patience thinned but, trying to sing to her and calm her down etc.. I had taken a mid-cycle reading (couldn't get a morning reading as she was just far too antsy and nasty to allow me to get one). I remember thinking to myself, why am I doing this to her? I know her levels are NOT going to be "hypo" right now. So, I got her injection into her and let her go. Even that was a hassle to have gotten and I sat down (sore back and all), trying to figure out what I was doing and why.
The answer was...people had asked me to get a PMPS reading as I haven't gotten one yet. There's a reason why I can't get it. What's written above. It happens every night and we're both exhausted, frustrated, fed up and in spite of my best efforts to relax with her, SHE is a cantankerous mess at that point. And, really...what did it matter? Why was I doing it? Her levels are NOT anywhere near being hypo on one unit (which will have to be upped when I either send our vet MY home curve or, he does one in his office). Then...yes...I will want to struggle to test pre-shots at the very least.

But, I do believe that we can get so caught up in this that we can put ourselves and them through more than what is actually needed to be done (for the most part). YES...it is "ideal" to do this and for those who can...I applaud them with full hearted admiration. I can't though. She is the type of cat that she is with her own personality and I have to work with that personality. I'm not going to achieve "the ideal" at this point in time and honestly...even when I have had other animals where I've followed things to a "T" and dotted the "i's" along the way...whatever was going to happen was going to happen anyways and did. (good and bad).

In other words, I'm also recognizing that Nature plays a huge part in things and unless we are going to devote out lives totally to watching our kitties and forget our own lives, we can only do so much. Even when we are giving up everything for our kitties...crap happens anyway. We have no control over that much...as hard as it is for us to accept. It's no life for them or us.

So, we do what we can but, we also have to let them have their lives and us, have ours. They cannot become "lab rats" where constant worry, testing, watching, foregoing events etc., are what we do. It's not fair to them or us. We just have to "trust" that we can only do what we can do and leave the rest up to Higher Powers/Nature/whatever you believe in.

And, I need a vacation as my headaches have become chronic now since Morrigan was diagnosed. Sad but, true.

 

[Red'sMomHeather]

In response to people not understanding/shrugging it off because it's "just a cat" - I was at a friend's birthday party awhile ago, explaining the things I was doing for Red and how much money I had thus far spent, when a person whom I didn't know piped up and said "You know, bullets are only 50 cents." No one would EVER think of saying something so abhorrent if this had been my human child I were speaking of, but because it's a cat he thought it was funny. How he left there without any broken bones is a mystery.

 

[SuePea]

I have a full time job, a blind husband, and two small children, and a sugarcat that everybody adores. I also have ADD and an anxiety disorder that goes along with it. Fortunately, thanks to FMLA, I can take a little bit of time off here and there when it all comes crashing down on me. I have been blessed so far that it looks like Charlie may be going OTJ; he doesn't have any other major health issues; I had prior experience with doing BG testing on myself; and I had prior experience giving SQ injections to cats. I wish there was a way to get us all together once in a while... this message board has been a lifesaver for our cats and a sanity saver for us beans.

 

[SuePea]

In response to people not understanding/shrugging it off because it's "just a cat" - I was at a friend's birthday party awhile ago, explaining the things I was doing for Red and how much money I had thus far spent, when a person whom I didn't know piped up and said "You know, bullets are only 50 cents." No one would EVER think of saying something so abhorrent if this had been my human child I were speaking of, but because it's a cat he thought it was funny. How he left there without any broken bones is a mystery.

what a *)&)&^%(%(^(*&)&*)^*)&^(%%$$$%^&!!!!!!

 

[MrWorfMen's Mom]

This thread was a wonderful idea Louellen! Our own well being too often gets forgotten when we are dealing with those difficult situations that we all experience whether it's our own health issues, elderly, disabled or sick family members or sick pets. My pets are my solace when the rest of the world seems to be trying to beat me up and I appreciate, love, honour and cherish them for that. But that also means I owe it back to them to give them whatever they need to be healthy, happy and safe. To do that I have to sometimes think about me first and allow myself to be just a tiny bit selfish.

My husband passed away last year and while I was always the main kitty custodian, he provided them with hours of snuggles and love and is sorely missed by all of us. I spent several months feeling like I couldn't provide our kitties with all the attention they were so accustomed to having. I had to remind myself that they were far better off than so many others are and just kept trucking but I still felt guilty. So sometimes I'd take a day to indulge the cats and soothe my guilt instead of vacuuming the house and I ultimately I felt better for taking that time to stop and do what mattered most to me and them.

When Menace was diagnosed in February I was devastated. All I could think of was that I couldn't lose her too! I felt if I did, I would be letting my hubbie down! To make matters worse, Menace had to spend a couple of days in hospital, and my other youngster Worf, stopped eating too, apparently because he missed her so much. No other cause was ever identified despite an additional $800+ vet bill. I spent hours sobbing, terrified that I could lose 2 of my precious babies. Day to day household conundrums I was totally unaccustomed to dealing with on my own seem to have plaqued me this past year and Menace's diagnosis put me near a breaking point.

I had to keep reminding myself that if I fell apart, I wouldn't be able to look after my fur kids. I did a lot of crying and soul searching and finally remembered some advise I had received years ago when trying to support a very trying mother while working 60 hours a week.

Everything we do is either a HAVE TO DO, a SHOULD DO, or a WANT TO DO. You deal with the HAVE TO DO's because you have no choice. They have to be done. SHOULD DO's are optional unless they become HAVE TO DO's because of deadlines, changes in circumstances etc. Unless they change such that the proverbial roof is going to fall in if you don't get them done, YOU make the choice about if and when they are dealt with.

Then there are the WANT TO DO's. Most of us initially think these are the least important things to spend time on but in reality they are actually the MOST important. WANT TO DO's allow us to focus our attention on things that we enjoy. They are like fuel for the soul. Without fuel an engine does not run and if your engine isn't working you won't get the HAVE TO DO's done either.

So now I organize my days around those 3 categories. I also intentionally schedule "me time" so that I remember to rev my engine and be prepared for that magic yet scary moment I hope Menace will give me soon, when she finally hits some low numbers and I have to pull an all nighter to make sure she is safe.

None of this comes easily for me as I am used to trying to be all things to all people and to stay on top of things as they come up but I have finally discovered that a little selfishness goes a long way to keeping me ready to deal with what life throws at me.

I'm am absolutely NOT suggesting I have it all together because I don't. I slip a lot and like everyone else I continue to have meltdowns. But at least I have found a recipe to follow to try to regain my sanity in those times when I feel like Chicken Little and I think the sky is falling!

 

[Elizabeth and Bertie]

Everything we do is either a HAVE TO DO, a SHOULD DO, or a WANT TO DO. You deal with the HAVE TO DO's because you have no choice. They have to be done. SHOULD DO's are optional unless they become HAVE TO DO's because of deadlines, changes in circumstances etc. Unless they change such that the proverbial roof is going to fall in if you don't get them done, YOU make the choice about if and when they are dealt with.

Then there are the WANT TO DO's. Most of us initially think these are the least important things to spend time on but in reality they are actually the MOST important. WANT TO DO's allow us to focus our attention on things that we enjoy. They are like fuel for the soul. Without fuel an engine does not run and if your engine isn't working you won't get the HAVE TO DO's done either.

Utterly profound, Linda....
.

 

[Blamethecats and Hannah]

Everything we do is either a HAVE TO DO, a SHOULD DO, or a WANT TO DO. You deal with the HAVE TO DO's because you have no choice. They have to be done. SHOULD DO's are optional unless they become HAVE TO DO's because of deadlines, changes in circumstances etc. Unless they change such that the proverbial roof is going to fall in if you don't get them done, YOU make the choice about if and when they are dealt with.

Then there are the WANT TO DO's. Most of us initially think these are the least important things to spend time on but in reality they are actually the MOST important. WANT TO DO's allow us to focus our attention on things that we enjoy. They are like fuel for the soul. Without fuel an engine does not run and if your engine isn't working you won't get the HAVE TO DO's done either.

Excellent, excellent post!! And when I think about caring for my sugar kitty, ya know what? I do it because I HAVE TO, it's just what's right and I don't believe there is any other choice. I do it because I SHOULD, it's not optional to me because I know she'll never have a better life if I think differently. And here's the biggie... I do it because I WANT TO, I would not have it any other way. Imagine that! I guess I'm pretty blessed and very thankful to feel this way.

 

[Louellen]

In response to people not understanding/shrugging it off because it's "just a cat" - I was at a friend's birthday party awhile ago, explaining the things I was doing for Red and how much money I had thus far spent, when a person whom I didn't know piped up and said "You know, bullets are only 50 cents." No one would EVER think of saying something so abhorrent if this had been my human child I were speaking of, but because it's a cat he thought it was funny. How he left there without any broken bones is a mystery.

I hear you, Red's mom. I've been handed the SAME line (bullet only costing a few cents). I am ready to tackle and smash people in the mouth when they come out with garbage like that!

 

[Louellen]

I have a full time job, a blind husband, and two small children, and a sugarcat that everybody adores. I also have ADD and an anxiety disorder that goes along with it. Fortunately, thanks to FMLA, I can take a little bit of time off here and there when it all comes crashing down on me. I have been blessed so far that it looks like Charlie may be going OTJ; he doesn't have any other major health issues; I had prior experience with doing BG testing on myself; and I had prior experience giving SQ injections to cats. I wish there was a way to get us all together once in a while... this message board has been a lifesaver for our cats and a sanity saver for us beans.

Awww...SuePea....I feel for you. You've certainly got your hands full and are seemingly doing a wonderful job...especially if Charlie is able to go OTJ! But, I"m sure that your daily routine is more than a lot of people could/would handle. I guess if you can say anything, it's that you've certainly been a person with a real heart.
I also have an anxiety disorder from years of abuse and everything sets me off but, my fur babies have been my saving grace so, I'll do everything and anything that I can to help them. It's all just very stressful as caregivers for us all no matter how charmed a life we may lead or not...

My wish is that everyone in here will eventually achieve a healthy cat who can go OTJ.

 

[Louellen]

This thread was a wonderful idea Louellen! Our own well being too often gets forgotten when we are dealing with those difficult situations that we all experience whether it's our own health issues, elderly, disabled or sick family members or sick pets. My pets are my solace when the rest of the world seems to be trying to beat me up and I appreciate, love, honour and cherish them for that. But that also means I owe it back to them to give them whatever they need to be healthy, happy and safe. To do that I have to sometimes think about me first and allow myself to be just a tiny bit selfish.

My husband passed away last year and while I was always the main kitty custodian, he provided them with hours of snuggles and love and is sorely missed by all of us. I spent several months feeling like I couldn't provide our kitties with all the attention they were so accustomed to having. I had to remind myself that they were far better off than so many others are and just kept trucking but I still felt guilty. So sometimes I'd take a day to indulge the cats and soothe my guilt instead of vacuuming the house and I ultimately I felt better for taking that time to stop and do what mattered most to me and them.

When Menace was diagnosed in February I was devastated. All I could think of was that I couldn't lose her too! I felt if I did, I would be letting my hubbie down! To make matters worse, Menace had to spend a couple of days in hospital, and my other youngster Worf, stopped eating too, apparently because he missed her so much. No other cause was ever identified despite an additional $800+ vet bill. I spent hours sobbing, terrified that I could lose 2 of my precious babies. Day to day household conundrums I was totally unaccustomed to dealing with on my own seem to have plaqued me this past year and Menace's diagnosis put me near a breaking point.

I had to keep reminding myself that if I fell apart, I wouldn't be able to look after my fur kids. I did a lot of crying and soul searching and finally remembered some advise I had received years ago when trying to support a very trying mother while working 60 hours a week.

Everything we do is either a HAVE TO DO, a SHOULD DO, or a WANT TO DO. You deal with the HAVE TO DO's because you have no choice. They have to be done. SHOULD DO's are optional unless they become HAVE TO DO's because of deadlines, changes in circumstances etc. Unless they change such that the proverbial roof is going to fall in if you don't get them done, YOU make the choice about if and when they are dealt with.

Then there are the WANT TO DO's. Most of us initially think these are the least important things to spend time on but in reality they are actually the MOST important. WANT TO DO's allow us to focus our attention on things that we enjoy. They are like fuel for the soul. Without fuel an engine does not run and if your engine isn't working you won't get the HAVE TO DO's done either.

So now I organize my days around those 3 categories. I also intentionally schedule "me time" so that I remember to rev my engine and be prepared for that magic yet scary moment I hope Menace will give me soon, when she finally hits some low numbers and I have to pull an all nighter to make sure she is safe.

None of this comes easily for me as I am used to trying to be all things to all people and to stay on top of things as they come up but I have finally discovered that a little selfishness goes a long way to keeping me ready to deal with what life throws at me.

I'm am absolutely NOT suggesting I have it all together because I don't. I slip a lot and like everyone else I continue to have meltdowns. But at least I have found a recipe to follow to try to regain my sanity in those times when I feel like Chicken Little and I think the sky is falling!

How beautiful your post is, Linda. I was so taken back by what you've said that I wrote it down to remember that piece of advice on the "to do's".

I think all of us are struggling within ourselves. We WANT to do what's best for our kitties (whom obviously, we consider our "children" in a big sense). Yet, that commitment is a HUGE one. Like you, I found my babies what have gotten me through so very much that's not been good in my life and I DO fear more "loss" so, I struggle every day to maintain a balance to figure out how to keep Morrigan well and yet, not get sick, myself. It IS a worry, no doubt. A BIG worry. However, like you've just said, we all need to find that balance between caring and being obsessive. We only have so much power within our human hands and those of us in here, seem to be doing all that we can possibly do. Like you've so wisely said, we also need to take time out for "the wants" in our own lives too. That often means that I won't do what I normally do and let the house just become a bit less tidy than usual. Or, I might say "no" to a request from someone else who really and truly doesn't need me to do things for them. We are all sort of in that position where we have the want and obligation to our Sugar Kitties but, we also have to stay sane, healthy and put together in order to help them. It's like putting an oxygen mask on ourselves first before we can put one on someone else.

 

[Louellen]

Excellent, excellent post!! And when I think about caring for my sugar kitty, ya know what? I do it because I HAVE TO, it's just what's right and I don't believe there is any other choice. I do it because I SHOULD, it's not optional to me because I know she'll never have a better life if I think differently. And here's the biggie... I do it because I WANT TO, I would not have it any other way. Imagine that! I guess I'm pretty blessed and very thankful to feel this way.

Ditto, Blamethecats and Hannah....I feel the same. It's just some days, when I'm running ragged, I feel the stress and the worry and fear and I have to reign myself back in again to recognize that I also WANT to do this and NEED to do it for Morrigan but, it is stressful and I also need to give myself a "reward" and learn how to balance things so that I am "fit" to continue doing what I want to do for her.

 

[Blamethecats and Hannah]

Ditto, Blamethecats and Hannah....I feel the same. It's just some days, when I'm running ragged, I feel the stress and the worry and fear and I have to reign myself back in again to recognize that I also WANT to do this and NEED to do it for Morrigan but, it is stressful and I also need to give myself a "reward" and learn how to balance things so that I am "fit" to continue doing what I want to do for her.

Oh, Louellen, definitely! I'm not saying it's not stressful, because in reality, it's way, way up there on the old stress scale of 1 to 10. It might even be an 11! For me, I do the best I can, realizing it probably isn't going to be even close to perfect or what I would hope it to be. You just have to find a balance that works for both you and your sugar kitty, so at the end of the day you can say, "There, I did the best I could do for this day." Then you embrace the next day and do it all over again.

 

[Blamethecats and Hannah]

"You know, bullets are only 50 cents."

Oh, how this sort of attitude burns me up... and I get this same remark so often from jerks in my DH's circle of friends. Now, I'm not one to keep my mouth shut and let it drop, but I find myself grabbing for an equally obnoxious reply and I can never quite find the right one. How about some suggestions from others out there who are likely a little more witty and quick thinking than me? Bring them on, please!!! I want to be prepared for the next time I hear this nonsense.

 

[Tuxedo Mom]

Oh, how this sort of attitude burns me up... and I get this same remark so often from jerks in my DH's circle of friends. Now, I'm not one to keep my mouth shut and let it drop, but I find myself grabbing for an equally obnoxious reply and I can never quite find the right one. How about some suggestions from others out there who are likely a little more witty and quick thinking than me? Bring them on, please!!! I want to be prepared for the next time I hear this nonsense.

My response would be "And ignorance is obviously given out freely" because that statement is pure ignorance.

 

[Blamethecats and Hannah]

My response would be "And ignorance is obviously given out freely" because that statement is pure ignorance.

Good one! I'm adding it to my list of bullets to fire back!

 

[manxcat419]

My response would be "And ignorance is obviously given out freely" because that statement is pure ignorance.

I really like that response. I have a tendency to be rather openly obnoxious and go with something like "it's a shame no-one told your parents that when you showed up" but that does tend to cause fairly extreme offense (I've never been known as someone who's tactful in situations like that ). People like that make me really angry and I tend to react first and worry about whether or not I've offended them later since they just offended me!! I was unpleasantly surprised by the number of people who told me I should just get rid of my cats when I was moving from the UK to the US because "I could just get new ones here so why bother going to the trouble and expense of getting certificates and extra vaccinations and figuring out how to bring them on the flight with me even when it meant taking 2 flights instead of 1". I think a lot of them were fairly unpleasantly surprised in turn by my response!!

 

[Blamethecats and Hannah]

"it's a shame no-one told your parents that when you showed up"

OOOOOOOO, believe it or not, I like that one, too... and must admit that's almost the exact thought I have pop into my head when I get the bullet comment. You don't know how many times I've had to just about put my hand over my mouth to stop from saying it.

 

[SuePea]

I love the "ignorance is given out freely"!! that is soooooooooooooooooooooooo classic!!!

 

[SuePea]

Louellen, I don't know about you but I am living proof that petting cats will reduce your blood pressure! Of course, worrying about getting the shots and food and everything right will raise it in a heartbeat. But I can't say enough about the wonderful people on this site for all they have done to help newbies keep our sanity.

 

[MrWorfMen's Mom]

In response to people not understanding/shrugging it off because it's "just a cat" - I was at a friend's birthday party awhile ago, explaining the things I was doing for Red and how much money I had thus far spent, when a person whom I didn't know piped up and said "You know, bullets are only 50 cents." No one would EVER think of saying something so abhorrent if this had been my human child I were speaking of, but because it's a cat he thought it was funny. How he left there without any broken bones is a mystery.

I firmly believe that the way people think about/treat animals says a lot about their character and ability to love.

When I was in grade 12, the dog I grew up with, passed away. I took a day or 2 off school and when I returned, one of my teachers asked me why I had been away. I told him a Member of my family had passed away. He asked who and proceeded to double over with laughter when I told him it was my dog. I told him that I pitied him because it was obvious that he had never experienced the purest love on the planet and probably never would! Of course, I had to be careful about REALLY speaking my mind!

I have a hard time liking, otherwise good people, who don't like animals and I choose my friends accordingly. Now I deal with any crass comments by returning verbal fire with both barrels at close range!

 

[Louellen]

Oh, Louellen, definitely! I'm not saying it's not stressful, because in reality, it's way, way up there on the old stress scale of 1 to 10. It might even be an 11! For me, I do the best I can, realizing it probably isn't going to be even close to perfect or what I would hope it to be. You just have to find a balance that works for both you and your sugar kitty, so at the end of the day you can say, "There, I did the best I could do for this day." Then you embrace the next day and do it all over again.

That was SO well said, Blamethecats and Hannah. "at the end of the day you can say, 'there I did the best that I could do for this day." I love that! My new mantra.

I had a diabetic cat over 10 years ago (Topper) and he passed with a heart condition (congestive heart failure). I didn't have the tools that I have now, nor did I have the insulin types that we have. I took him in faithfully for his curves at the vets (no one did home monitoring then or, at least, I wasn't told about it and just trusted them). I used to give him his prescription food, he'd eat, I'd inject and that would be "it" for the day. I still blame myself that I didn't do "enough" in spite of thousands upon thousands of dollars in debt for vet bills for him and never missing a shot.

With Morrigan, I'm following what she will LET me follow without me needing hospitalization.
Still, I fear that I'm not doing enough in spite of knowing that sometimes, I'd literally have to sit on her to get a reading or a shot in.
And, no...I'm not going to be "perfect" either with this...though I TRY so hard. I have to remember that there's 2 wills working here...hers and mine.
Mine is to do everything by the book to keep her alive and well....HERS is to have me "leave her alone" and she shows it!
That's where I have to work with her and keep trying, learning to allow her to have her hissy fits (literally) and then, say to myself, "I'm doing this FOR YOU! I don't want to do this either but...hey...we're in this together...CO OPERATE"

When I do crash into bed at night, I have to leave it up to what I've been able to do and forgive myself for not being able to be "perfect" because she has had her own mind and will.
Now, I'm going to use your words as my mantra (to help me sleep a bit better)....."There, I did the best that I could do for this day," and let it go at that.

Where are our omnipotent powers?

 

[Louellen]

Louellen, I don't know about you but I am living proof that petting cats will reduce your blood pressure! Of course, worrying about getting the shots and food and everything right will raise it in a heartbeat. But I can't say enough about the wonderful people on this site for all they have done to help newbies keep our sanity.

I so totally agree with everything you've said SuePea. I feel like I'm in a circle of friends who are all in the same boat, trying to support and help one another to help our much loved babies. I felt SO alone with my first Sugar Kitty over a decade ago. Everyone here is SO thoughtful, helpful and caring.
I swear that what I've said all along is true. If you want to meet some of the nicest people on this planet...find animal lovers.

 

[Louellen]

Oh, how this sort of attitude burns me up... and I get this same remark so often from jerks in my DH's circle of friends. Now, I'm not one to keep my mouth shut and let it drop, but I find myself grabbing for an equally obnoxious reply and I can never quite find the right one. How about some suggestions from others out there who are likely a little more witty and quick thinking than me? Bring them on, please!!! I want to be prepared for the next time I hear this nonsense.

When someone has said that to me (and, I've heard it SO many times as well).....I just fire back....

"It's only 50 cents for a bullet? Good... that should get rid of ignorance. Stand still!"

That has shut them up pretty quickly.