Hi all my FDMB friends
I am going to try and write this post without breaking down in tears. It is my hope that it will bring me some comfort, and be something I can turn back to when I get down. Sorry if it gets to be kind of long, I appreciate your indulging me in this walk down memory lane.
Way back in 1995, when my now-dh and I were just dating, he decided to get a cat. We went to the ASPCA here in NYC and chose a beautiful orange & white DSH, who after many name changes and nicknames came to be known as Kooker. Kooker was a pretty easy going cat who loved (and still does) to lick people…for long periods of time. I'd never had a cat that did that! The longest we tracked was 45 minutes straight licking!
Fast forward to early 1999 - we are now married and ready to start a family. Our vet advised us to get a companion kitty for Kooker. So off we went to the ASPCA. This time a little black, grey & white baby named Gem called to us. She was small, she used to hide behind a framed wedding photo of ours, but she had huge ears! Something about those ears spoke to us! It took her a good 2 years to grow into those ears! She also had a really loud purr, and did the kneading thing with her front paws.
Kooker & Gem got along as well as expected - they played, they fought, little sister annoyed big brother and vice versa! But you couldn't ask for two more opposite cats. Kooker was a typical feline, Gem a bit more unusual.
Kooker was superman, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound! Gem sometimes took 2 or 3 tries to get up on the bed. At first we thought it was because she was small, but she never became all that agile.
Kooker was a master groomer with a beautiful silky coat. Gem was never that fastidious, her coat kinda dingy and dandruffy. One of my favorite things was to watch Kooker groom Gem, back when she would let him. He really got in there, very thorough!
Kooker was easy to love and affectionate. He always has to be in the middle of things, with the kids and all their friends, sitting on your newspaper, rubbing against the pencil when they're trying to do their homework. Not Gem, you had to work for it with her. She was shy, hid from the crowds. Oh, she wanted the attention, just didn't know how to get it. She wasn't as cuddly as Kooker, couldn't quite curl up in a ball next to you. But when she got your attention, she hung on, rubbing her face & body back and forth, her tail erect, sticking straight up. She was always a goofy kitty. In truth, though I feel bad admitting it, we loved Kooker a bit more for a long time, because he was what you'd expect from a cat. I guess it took an illness for Gem's hidden nature to shine.
Fast forward to the past 6 months, the part of the journey I've shared here. Gem started losing her fur, symmetrically in the back part of her body. I suspected Cushing's, but the doctors dismissed it, too rare. I try not to feel guilty for not pushing it more, losing 6 months of healing time. She had diabetes, then she didn't, then she did again. At that point, her heart & kidneys were bad, and the skin….that's what finally got her. Through all this, Gem was the best patient, never complaining about the poking, prodding, trips to the vet. We would get angry with her for peeing everywhere, but it wasn't her fault. Everyone at the vet's loved her - the techs, the office staff. Anyone who took care of her when we boarded her, or helped draw blood and take X-rays. They all said the same thing - she purrs and purrs, is happy to have people pay attention to her, doesn't ask for more than that. The techs made her a little shirt that they decorated with heart patches. The fact that she was so loved made my daughter very happy - finally others saw her inner beauty!
Then this past Friday. Even then, to look at her, if you ignored the wounds, she seemed fine. That's part of what made it so hard - it seems so arbitrary, why that day of any day. Nothing major had changed. But I guess I knew, this recent tear was more then I could handle. And it just wasn't going to get better. I kept waiting for a sign from her that she was done, a moment of peace and clarity. Well, that never came. But I have to take solace in knowing that I kept her from really having to suffer. We got another month together, where we showered her with love and attention, probably more than she'd ever had! When we got the Cushing's DX, I was told there was nothing to do, but I wasn't ready, and so we had the month, to love her and prepare, as much as one can, for the end. I also take solace in that she went peacefully, in my arms, and not in a crisis situation. I held her, stroked her, and begged her forgiveness. I hope she knew how much she was loved, how hard we tried to heal her, that we never gave up on her, even though it felt like it to me right then.
Gem will always be with us, and we have Kooker still, older than her but in tip-top shape. We'll have to see how he reacts, when he realizes that she's not coming back. I think Gem taught our whole family an awful lot, especially for my kids - about how we treat people and animals, even when the going gets tough; we don't give up, we do what we have to do; and we let go when we have done all we can.
I want to thank all of you again and again for all you've done - advice, prayers, hugs and tears - it has helped so much getting me through all this. I hope I can pay it forward at some point. This is an amazing place. For those of you out there who are newly diagnosed and may be reading this - don't give up. I know it's overwhelming, but diabetes is manageable, and even more so with the help of FDMB. You can do it, you will amaze yourself with what you can do. I know I did.
With love & affection,
Karen
I am going to try and write this post without breaking down in tears. It is my hope that it will bring me some comfort, and be something I can turn back to when I get down. Sorry if it gets to be kind of long, I appreciate your indulging me in this walk down memory lane.
Way back in 1995, when my now-dh and I were just dating, he decided to get a cat. We went to the ASPCA here in NYC and chose a beautiful orange & white DSH, who after many name changes and nicknames came to be known as Kooker. Kooker was a pretty easy going cat who loved (and still does) to lick people…for long periods of time. I'd never had a cat that did that! The longest we tracked was 45 minutes straight licking!
Fast forward to early 1999 - we are now married and ready to start a family. Our vet advised us to get a companion kitty for Kooker. So off we went to the ASPCA. This time a little black, grey & white baby named Gem called to us. She was small, she used to hide behind a framed wedding photo of ours, but she had huge ears! Something about those ears spoke to us! It took her a good 2 years to grow into those ears! She also had a really loud purr, and did the kneading thing with her front paws.
Kooker & Gem got along as well as expected - they played, they fought, little sister annoyed big brother and vice versa! But you couldn't ask for two more opposite cats. Kooker was a typical feline, Gem a bit more unusual.
Kooker was superman, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound! Gem sometimes took 2 or 3 tries to get up on the bed. At first we thought it was because she was small, but she never became all that agile.
Kooker was a master groomer with a beautiful silky coat. Gem was never that fastidious, her coat kinda dingy and dandruffy. One of my favorite things was to watch Kooker groom Gem, back when she would let him. He really got in there, very thorough!
Kooker was easy to love and affectionate. He always has to be in the middle of things, with the kids and all their friends, sitting on your newspaper, rubbing against the pencil when they're trying to do their homework. Not Gem, you had to work for it with her. She was shy, hid from the crowds. Oh, she wanted the attention, just didn't know how to get it. She wasn't as cuddly as Kooker, couldn't quite curl up in a ball next to you. But when she got your attention, she hung on, rubbing her face & body back and forth, her tail erect, sticking straight up. She was always a goofy kitty. In truth, though I feel bad admitting it, we loved Kooker a bit more for a long time, because he was what you'd expect from a cat. I guess it took an illness for Gem's hidden nature to shine.
Fast forward to the past 6 months, the part of the journey I've shared here. Gem started losing her fur, symmetrically in the back part of her body. I suspected Cushing's, but the doctors dismissed it, too rare. I try not to feel guilty for not pushing it more, losing 6 months of healing time. She had diabetes, then she didn't, then she did again. At that point, her heart & kidneys were bad, and the skin….that's what finally got her. Through all this, Gem was the best patient, never complaining about the poking, prodding, trips to the vet. We would get angry with her for peeing everywhere, but it wasn't her fault. Everyone at the vet's loved her - the techs, the office staff. Anyone who took care of her when we boarded her, or helped draw blood and take X-rays. They all said the same thing - she purrs and purrs, is happy to have people pay attention to her, doesn't ask for more than that. The techs made her a little shirt that they decorated with heart patches. The fact that she was so loved made my daughter very happy - finally others saw her inner beauty!
Then this past Friday. Even then, to look at her, if you ignored the wounds, she seemed fine. That's part of what made it so hard - it seems so arbitrary, why that day of any day. Nothing major had changed. But I guess I knew, this recent tear was more then I could handle. And it just wasn't going to get better. I kept waiting for a sign from her that she was done, a moment of peace and clarity. Well, that never came. But I have to take solace in knowing that I kept her from really having to suffer. We got another month together, where we showered her with love and attention, probably more than she'd ever had! When we got the Cushing's DX, I was told there was nothing to do, but I wasn't ready, and so we had the month, to love her and prepare, as much as one can, for the end. I also take solace in that she went peacefully, in my arms, and not in a crisis situation. I held her, stroked her, and begged her forgiveness. I hope she knew how much she was loved, how hard we tried to heal her, that we never gave up on her, even though it felt like it to me right then.
Gem will always be with us, and we have Kooker still, older than her but in tip-top shape. We'll have to see how he reacts, when he realizes that she's not coming back. I think Gem taught our whole family an awful lot, especially for my kids - about how we treat people and animals, even when the going gets tough; we don't give up, we do what we have to do; and we let go when we have done all we can.
I want to thank all of you again and again for all you've done - advice, prayers, hugs and tears - it has helped so much getting me through all this. I hope I can pay it forward at some point. This is an amazing place. For those of you out there who are newly diagnosed and may be reading this - don't give up. I know it's overwhelming, but diabetes is manageable, and even more so with the help of FDMB. You can do it, you will amaze yourself with what you can do. I know I did.
With love & affection,
Karen
