struggling to decide when it's McKaela's time

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Donna & Shiloh (GA)

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I know about the list for quality of life. Some things have happened recently that I question her quality. First, it is getting more difficult to keep food in her mouth when she eats. She can't eat her treats, they just keep falling out, as does alot of her food. But she does manage to get some in.

Second, there is constant pinkish/brown drool from her mouth that gets all over her face, making this fur a hard spiked mess. The same way with her legs when she wipes away the drool, or tries to. I use cat wet ones to wipe her face, which she hates, and it doesn't do a real good job.

I give her pred and a pain med and she hates it and hides. I feel I am torturing her for maybe a week or two of added life. My heart is thinking no, but my brain tells me I should put an end to her misery. She was always a neat and clean cat. Now the white on her face is brown due to the drool. The AC said she is in pain, altho I have started to give her torb.

I don't want to have her suffer but I don't want to do this too soon, either. I will try to get an emergency session with Dawn Allen again to udate Kaely's concerns. I need advice, please. Donna
 
Oh, How awful. I feel for you and for her. I may be facing the same situation in the not too distant future. (my cat has a brain tumor which effects her eating and has had a seizure). I understand the conflict between wanting to put her out of her misery and not doing it too soon. It's a horrible decision, but one that you will clearly make with love (that is clear from the very loving way you are caring for her). If they are telling you she is in pain, and it seems clear she is suffering, I think you can follow your gut in making this painful decision.
 
Donna & Shiloh said:
I know about the list for quality of life. Some things have happened
I don't want to have her suffer but I don't want to do this too soon, either.

But, what is "too soon"? If the cat is suffering and there's no better to it, then I would face that dreaded task - but try to think of it as an act of caring and love.
I'm sorry for what you're going thru, but putting it off only lengthens her misery and yours.
Click to expand...
 
Donna,

"Too soon" only hurts you but "too late" hurts Kaely. I know you love her so much that it's hard to be objective, but try to see her with someone else's eyes. Are the unpleasant things she has to go through outweighed by the pleasures she still has? From what you describe, it's hard to imagine that it does, but you know your girl better than anyone. Everything you do shows that you truly want to do whatever is best for your little girl. Asking an AC is one thing, but what does your vet say? I know you are hurting but be strong, as you have been all along.

hugs,
laur
 
(((((((Donna)))))))
I know what you mean. I think (and it's easier to say cause I'm not, at the moment, facing thiis) if my baby had no chance of getting any better, I hope, I wouldnt prolong his misery...I hope I will have the strength to help his spirit transform.

I know you love McKaela with all of your heart and soul and she you. It will never be the "right" time to say good bye, at least not in our hearts.

Asking God to send HIS love in guidance and strength.

jeanne
 
I don't know if this will help. It is our experience with our civvie; amazingly enough I was the one who thought that it was his time to go. I asked my family to try to look at him with their heads not their hearts, and to look for what they saw, not what they wanted to see.
I am starting to cry all over again, eventhough it has been over two years.
Prayers to you.
Dana
 
((((((((((((((((((((((((((DONNA)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Its hard, its so hard. But.. it is always going to be hard, and in our minds after it is done, after they are gone, its always Too Soon, or Too Late.

I worried that I was forced into making the decision for Merlyn early, because I had to go to my mothers birthday in NJ the next day, and he had asked-via AC- to let him stay til I got back from my trip. His entire body was heaving trying to breathe, and I knew I couldnt fix his heart. I knew that I would feel terrible if he crossed over when I was at my moms, and I couldnt leave him feeling so bad. So ultimately I knew it was the right thing..

Later he said he knew I was right, that there wasnt really much pain, but that if i had waited there would be. And actually I feel that was sort of a lie, as cats do pretend to not be in pain. Merlyns notions of pain were interesting...such that he would discuss with my AC Jean twinges (of pain) that he talked himself into compartmentalizing, walling it off, and downplaying it-To HIMSELF, not even just to me and Jean.

I cant make your decision for you, but I will say that if you think McKaela is in pain, triple it. Because you are only seeing a small part of what shes allowing you to see and herself to feel.

Wrapping you in cyber hugs for sure. It is never easy.
 
((Donna)) I am so sorry you are struggling with this and I know how much it is breaking your heart. I am often plagued with the fear that I waited too long for my Remi, not too soon. It is your decision to make, unfortunately, but I know you will make it with love.
 
I am so sorry for your distress and what you are going through. I know in our experience with our three furbabies each was a little different.
When we are faced with the task of making that choice it it so hard and emotion takes over and we have trouble thinking straight.

When our sweeties could no longer enjoy their food, snuggle in their favorite spots, rest easily and keep their routine and most importantly share in love & affection with us It was time. If we also knew that we were only buying time, weeks more of life with very little to no chance of recovery, we had to let them leave with a glimmer of themselves still left and with dignity. But it is never long enough and we know your heart is breaking and my prayers go out to you.

I hope this poem will help you, it has helped us in making the agonizing choice...

IF I GROW FRAIL

If it should be, I grow frail and weak
and pain does keep me from my sleep
then will you do what must be done
for this last battle cant be won

You will be sad I understand
but dont let grief then stay your hand
for on this day more than the rest
your love and friendship must stand the test

Take me to where my needs they'll tend
only stay with me until the end
and hold me close and talk to me
until my eyes no longer see

weve been so close we two these years
Dont let your heart hold any tears
I know in time you will agree
This is a kindness you do for me

Thinking of you
Ally
 
Until this last month I could only imagine how hard that situation is. I now know it is one of the worst we can find ourselves in and no matter what we do, we will question it. Look at why you are not letting her go and decide if those reasons are worth what she goes through to stay. Sadly, I think the only way we know it wasn't too soon, is when we know it wasn't soon enough.

We made the choice not to prolong things with our civie Peanut because we felt the vet visits she'd have to go through were not worth it for her, it wouldn't fix her cancer and no matter how many times we drained the fluids, they''d come right back and she'd just have to through cycles of feeling worse and worse. It felt like to keep her would be for our benefit not hers, but I'll still always wonder if we took some days to be enjoyed away from her by not fighting the symptoms and letting her go when she started to struggle after we knew there could be no beating the cancer. I'd give anything for more days holding that girl, but I couldn't make her give as much as we'd have had to ask of her.

My heart breaks for you that you are facing this time. Give her lots of love and no matter what the choice she'll know you wanted to do the best for her.
 
Gosh Donna, it's brutal isn't it? I'm glad that you have a place to go to talk about it. We all understand. Let us know if you talk to Dawn. I am sending you strength and wisdom to help guide you.
 
I give her pred and a pain med and she hates it and hides. I feel I am torturing her for maybe a week or two of added life. My heart is thinking no, but my brain tells me I should put an end to her misery. She was always a neat and clean cat. Now the white on her face is brown due to the drool. The AC said she is in pain, altho I have started to give her torb.



(((((((( Donna & Mckaela ))))))))))

I offer a couple thoughts for you re palliative care :

First, torb is not a great pain med for cats. any chance you can get some buprenorphine from vet? you could use injectable form which would make it easier/more comfortable for Mckaela to dose.

The other thing I know I suggested to you awhile ago,but I think it bears repeating. When Wolfie got dx'd w/2 kinds of cancer and was in a very bad way. I put him on high dose dexamethasone. It perked him up (we used a loading dose of dex(pill form) and stopped the pred-- it took a couple days for it to kick in) He rallied and had a very good QOL for 2 weeks -- playing, eating, loving....a happy cat. ( we still used some bup too for pain).
The third week he slowly declined and then at the end of that week he finally refused food for a couple days in a row and we very sadly said our goodbyes. I treasure those final weeks together. Wouldn't of done it any other day.

Of course ECID, I don't know how McKaela would respond. But thought I would put it out there again if you wanted to try and squeeze more happy cat days in. It is still considered palliative care. As I mentioned we used a loading dose --gave 2x a day for 3 days and then went to 1x a day. we did not back down further, as would otherwise be done w/ dex , as we knew this was short term palliative care. Dex is much more powerful than pred. A well known onco advised the use of dex for Winnie during her chemo when things looked bleak and it brought her back from the brink. He really liked using it on his cancer kitty patients. As you can tell I am a big fan of using this when the situation calls for it.

All that said..... what it really comes down to is that YOU know McKaela best. There really isn't any *right* thing to do , there is only the *best* thing to do for her. And I know that is what you will do.
I think Lisa is right when she said that looking back there is always a "too soon" or "too late" in your head.I think it's human nature--- we love them so much.
I support you 100% in what you decide, cause I know that what you decide will be out of love for what is best for Mckaela.

sending wishes for comfort and care to you and Mckaela.
 
I have been in this same spot so many times in my life and again two days ago.......
In the end only you truly know in your heart what is the right thing to do. I always ask myself is this for me or is this for my pet? They ask nothing of us but to protect them, love them, and make the best decisions we can.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
 
Donna, knowing when it is time is so hard. You have to use your heart and your head. And she knows you love her, no matter what you decide. Just remember that being able to end the pain is a gift we can give our beloved pets.
 
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