Dearest Kim,
I can share my stories like the others have done. I can recall four times I had to "make the call". Three of them were relatively easy, as cancer was the diagnosis. All inoperable and quick acting and I could tell that all three were miserable so I did what was best for them. It hurt short term, and I still have fond and wonderful memories of my Tar Baby, Niblet and especially my special boy Winkie. The fourth case was the hardest. Boots was 19 years old, and she was the only reason that I met my wife 29 years ago. If not for Bootie Gal, I wouldn't have a beautiful and perfect 25 year-old Daughter. Nothing in my life would be the same, I wouldn't be here in fact, if it wasn't for Boots coming to my front door and mooching food, then deciding to have a litter of kittens under my house the day before her Mom was going to come pick her up and take her to her new home. Paula was just some chick who lived a couple houses over, was moving, and had asked me to watch her for a few days until she could get her new home settled. I'd never even spoken to her until I saw her one day, packing up her stuff. Boots had been coming over every day begging for food and I used to feed my two cats out on the front porch. My very first words to the lady who would become my wife of 28 years was "Hey lady, when you gonna feed your damn cat?" Turned out to be the world's best pick-up line I think. :lol:
Anyway, we always considered Boots to be the hand of fate that got us together. Flash forward 18 years or so, and Boots was nearing her end. She had a few bumps in the road. She was prone to crystals and at one time had surgery to remove them from her bladder (ate lots and lots of dry food over the years....who knew????). She started not wanting to eat much, but she was still okay, then she lost a lot of weight, and generally was in decline. We brought her to the vet several times, but all they would tell us is "she's old, it's getting near her time". But neither of us wanted to deal with that. Neither of us was willing to be the one to say "It's time". She was our good luck charm, our baby, and we couldn't imagine her not being there any more. She'd raised 3 litters of kittens, and even after she was spayed, any time we'd bring a new kitten into the fold that we had to bottle feed, she'd still be the "mother". She'd let the little brats try to nurse off her and clean them and all that junk. During the last couple of weeks of her long life, it was obvious that it was her time, but we still didn't want to make the call. I still can remember the last night like it was yesterday, and it still makes me cry as I type this. I remember laying on the floor with her for a couple of hours, just petting her and telling her how much I loved her and how grateful I was for the years she blessed our house. I realize now that the look she was giving me said "Dad, it's time, let me go". But when I got up and went to bed, I still didn't see it, or I guess, didn't want to see it. The next morning I got up and found her laying in pretty much the same place, and I went and petted her but she didn't respond. She was still breathing but she wasn't "there" anymore. So she basically forced my hand? I rushed her to the vet and the vet said that she'd had some sort of stroke and there was nothing anyone could do. It was still nearly impossible to say "okay". I wish now, and will always wish, that I had done the best thing for her just one day earlier, so I could have held her and told her I loved her while she could still know it was me with her at the end.
Now I am not saying that this is where you and Kitty are at, hon. But at some point, it will be, and I am so praying for you that you are able to do this and have a clear mind about it. You love her so, so much, that is so obvious to me and to everyone else who has read any of the things you've said here for, well, for as long as I've been reading your posts. You know what is best for her and for all your furries. I would trust you with MY furries to always to the best for them!
I wanted to share the story of Boots, I guess mostly because I want you to know that I know where you are right now, hon. I'll be thinking of you and Kitty, and praying for you to be strong. Most of all, I want you to know that you are "right" with any decision you make whether that is today, tomorrow, next week or next year.
Huge hugs, Kim
Carl
Just so you can see what I meant about Bootie's Foster Mom Instinct....
(Not a great pic because it's a picture of a photograph)
P.S. The real irony? When we lost Boots, and decided it was time to add a new kitty to the household.... we got Lillian and Bob, as bottle-fed kittens. So, when I say that I wouldn't be here were it not for Boots? I mean that literally. There would have never been a Bob in my life.
When he developed the heart condition and we could only keep him alive by taking him in weekly for a drain of the fluids, I started to worry about his quality of life. But when he stopped eating, I knew it was his way of telling me he was too tired.
