In loving memory of Tashie

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BorisV

BorisV

Member Since 2013
Thank you all for such kind words. I am overwhelmed with emotion and this is very hard to write. I go "in & out" of it, one minute I'm "okay" and the next in tears. Trying to wear mascara to help with the crying - it doesn't! Had a huge cry in the shower yesterday, almost clogged the drain. Don't know where all the tears are coming from, maybe it's just the last three months all built up.

I am TRYING to gather all the diabetic supplies and put them all in one place. Once I feel I can sort through it all (and there is quite a bit) I will donate them to the FDMB in Tashie's memory in hope to help others.

In the midst of my grief I am kitten hunting. I feel need to "distract" my Boris and give him a purpose. He spent the last three months guarding and protecting Nataschia and he is such a loving and special boy, I want him to have a pal, a baby to raise?

It was not that long ago that I realized that regulating Tashie's diabetes could have been the greatest accomplishment of my life. I failed. These last three months took a huge toll on me and I admire those of you that have been dealing with this far longer than me. I truly realize just how much you give up but I'd do it all over again, if only I could.

When you look out into the blue sky, know that you are seeing Tashie's big blue eyes and she is looking over all the diabetic kitty's and rooting for them. She was such a sweet little girl with the face of an angel and I loved her so very much.

As soon as I can, I will get back on the board and try to encourage others with my limited knowledge. I know how important it is to have support throughout this journey.

Thank you all,
Bern
 
Hi Bern, I didn't have the chance to meet you & Tashie on LL since I was absent this past couple of months. Truly appreciate your feeling of loosing your beloved little girl Tashie. It is hard but our culture believe that they never leave us, just migrated to another form. Listen & feel with your heart, Tashie"s always around.
You are great to consider giving that unconditional love to another lucky kitty. Hope you meet one who will touch your heart soon. Take care!
 
You didn't fail and you must not think of it like that. I know, easy for me to say, I wasn't there. I'm telling you that you didn't fail. You did the best that you could and sometimes, even that isn't enough.

Many of us wish that we could have done more, but doing more isn't always the answer. Loving her, taking care of her and being there for her is sometimes all you can do and that is enough. Things happen and it's out of our control, no matter what story we may say to ourselves.

Take the time to grieve. Take care of Boris. One of these days, you will be able to think of Tashie and be able to smile, maybe enough laugh through the tears. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself and I wish you peace.
 
(((Bern))) It breaks my heart that you think you failed because Tashie didn't get regulated. I can understand why you would feel that way but FD is a tough disease and some cats are tough to treat. Unfortunately, Tashie was one of the most difficult that I've seen in the past two years. You did absolutely everything possible and I know that Tashie appreciates that very much. Please be kind to yourself. Thinking of you and your family.
Liz
 
You absolutely did not fail Tashie. You loved her and did everything possible to help her...if that isn't the definition of success, then I don't know what is. Like Liz said, FD unfortunately just has a mind of its own - some cases are stronger than others, and Tashie's FD was a tough case. Tashie is looking down on you and knows how much you gave to her and loved her...and she knew that when she was here in her earthly form, too. I am sure she is working on finding the perfect kitten for her beloved Boris right now!

Our prayers continue for you...you are the best MamaBean ever.
 
When you look out into the blue sky, know that you are seeing Tashie's big blue eyes and she is looking over all the diabetic kitty's and rooting for them.
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What a beautiful sentiment, Bern. Looking up at the sky right now, I'm seeing nothing but blue in every direction.

In no way whatsoever did you "fail". Never think that! Failure would have been doing nothing. You did quite the opposite for Tashie. You never stopped trying.

Give your heart a chance to heal.

Hugs,
Carl
 
My thoughts and prayers are with you, and my heart breaks for you and your family. I pray that God will heal your broken hearts quickly. {{{{{{{{{{BERN & BORIS}}}}}}}}}}
 
You didnt fail. You did WAY more than most people to try and regulate her! You changed her food to LC, you got up middle of the night to poke her ear, you stressed and worried and spent a ton of time and money at the vet, you came here for advice etc etc. We have seen many cats and if there was anything you werent doing, we would have let you know! You did everything you could and she knows that.

But at the end of the day I suspect she had an underlying and hidden condition that was making her hard to regulate.

We find here that there are many reasons cats are diabetic:
- a large portion of cats are diabetic due to eating HC food
- a portion of cats become diabetic due to an underlying infection like ear, teeth or UTI.. or from getting steroid
- But there is also a portion that have an underlying condition which eventually rears its head. I suspect Tashie was in that last group. And she wasnt showing symptoms so there was no way to know what it was.

I personally am going to remember Tashie - not just because she was a lovely kitty but also I will save her chart so I can refer to it and perhaps it can be used to help other kitties.

I hope you stay on the board and keep in touch.

Wendy
 
Bern,
Our hearts go out to you in your time of grief. To echo what everyone else has said, you did NOT fail. It is easy to think that you failed because Tashie succumbed to this dread disease, but you did everything you could have done for her and you know that she knows it. Failing would have been not caring about regulating her, not being up with her at all hours, not feeding and medicating her properly and euthanizing her when she became diabetic....those are all definitions of failure, not what you did for her. When Mali finally crossed, I had the same feelings and my DW had to tell me constantly that I did all that was possible to do for her and finally it got through to me that when it is their time, it is just their time and they leave the pain behind and cross that rainbow bridge and are young again and free from pain. I know Tashie and Mali are romping through the green grass and chasing everything in sight and they are loving it.

Mali was the last of our kitties and we knew pretty soon after she crossed that there would be more kitties in our future and we now have a couple of 6 month old brothers that have brought an absolute joy to our house again. Remember, it's not about replacing Tashie, that cannot happen, but it is about filling that emptiness that is suddenly dumped on us when they leave. Trust me, you will feel the healing much faster with a kitten or two to keep you on your toes and they will definitely do that.

Hugs,

Robert
 
(((((Bern)))))

Like everyone is telling you, you didn't fail. The only people who fail their kitties are the ones who don't try or who give up. You did neither. I think you know that in your heart.

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try to keep our kitties safe and close to us, they make a final decision on their own. That decision may be, in retrospect, inevitable or it may be a heartbreaking surprise. I would like to think that Tashie saved you from having to make a difficult choice and she chose to fly free.
 
Bern I have only been dealing with diabetes since 7/1. It's only been the past few weeks that I have been visiting Condos... Prior to that I was feeling so overwhelmed. The one condo I did follow... Even when I was overwhelm and asking myself... Can I do this? Was yours and Tashie's.

You were not a failure. You were and still are an inspiration!

Tashie's time was short and perhaps never regulated well. But the two of you taught at least me.... If not all of Lantus Land numerous lessons.

Every one of us here are really here for one reason.....For the Love of a cat.

Here we get support, knowledge., love, encouragement, and the strength to keep on keeping on. I

As Carl said so well, the only Failure is Not Trying.

You gave Tashie extra time. Sure not enough in our eyes, but enough time in hers. She left when she decided it was time. Thank you for sharing her.
 
“My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them.”
― Jack Kerouac
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You were passionate about your love and devotion to Tashie. There was no way for you to control the FD anymore than you did. Don't let Tashie's death lead you to doubt any of your actions. You tried with all your heart and soul to help her. She knows that.
 
Dear Bern

I understand. I, too, was never able to regulate my cat's diabetes and I tried everything I could think of and more, as did you.

Please know that you did your best.

{{hugs}}
 
Oh Dear Bern,
I hear two loving, aching people in your post. One fiercely protective, loving mother, who would do anything to make her child whole again. The other, a loving child, holding her kitty, begging, please help me make her better. I hope that your mind listens to your heart and knows that you did EVERYTHING you could have possibly done for your beloved Tashie. You never failed.
Sometimes our job is not to make them better, but to love them so completely, with every fiber of our being, that they feel safe to take your love and cross to the bridge. It is the most noble, loving, and selfless of things that Tashie needed and only you could give it to her. She knows she has your love and strength. I hope you know you have hers.


Big hugs to you. And lots of extra scritches to sweetie pie Boris.
 
(((Bern)))
I did everything you could for Tashie.
You did not fail!
Sending healing vines and prayers to you and Boris.
 
You were a wonderful mommabean, and Tashie knew it. Sometimes life just sucks~ Whoever gets to be your new kitty is very lucky.

((((Bern))))
 
If everyone in this world could love their pets as much as you loved Tashie, the world would be a better place.
I will look to the blue sky in sweet remembrance of her. She was a beauty and so are you. ♥
 
I love the idea of her blue eyes in the sky. :smile:

Regarding kittens, in the Rescue where I volunteer, we would usually suggest TWO kittens in this situation. Kittens are cute, but they have a LOT of energy. The older cat might not like them crawling over him all the time, and the kitten will probably want to play a lot more than Boris does. If there are two kittens, they can entertain each other and Boris can join in when he wants to. Something to think about, anyway. I think it's a wonderful idea to open your home to another kitty or two, if you are ready.
 
Dear ((((Bern)))),
Your lovely Tashie of the Blue Eyes is smiling down on you. Bern, your love for your sweet girl could not have been more complete. Your care for her was exemplary. Sometimes we have to admit to ourselves that, despite our greatest efforts, despite our outpouring of love, it is simply our loved one's time to say "farewell until we meet again." Take time to grieve and give Boris the time he needs to grieve. That special kitty--or kitties--will come along at just the right time and help to heal your broken hearts.

Many hugs to you and your DH, and scritches for Boris,

Ella & Rusty
 
Here I am, haven't been on in a few days ..... reading the posts and crying AGAIN! I'm getting a bit better, only had like 55 melt downs yesterday. I was trying to do some cleaning. I'm pretty meticulous about the house .... I must have lost my eyesight over the last few months because I couldn't believe the dust etc; that I didn't "see" ....... and, I do have to add that DH was helping and doing the vacuuming but not exactly moving furniture or going behind things!
Now, this is a bit strange but I'll share because I think WE all are "crazy cat people" and a lot of the outside world don't "get" it. Jim ALWAYS found their whiskers - I never did! He'd bring it to me and I always made a wish and then had a little box that I'd put them in - a "whisker wish box' ........ yeah, told you this was weird! So, yesterday I found a Tashie whisker! My very own. What I wanted to wish for would never come true but I felt it was such a special little gift that somehow was left for me.

As I go in and out of this terrible place I'm in, I have been searching for kitten'S - yes, that is plural! Feel we need to fill the quiet and the emptiness and shake up Boris' life a bit. In one of the posts from Libby & Lucy:

Regarding kittens, in the Rescue where I volunteer, we would usually suggest TWO kittens in this situation. Kittens are cute, but they have a LOT of energy. The older cat might not like them crawling over him all the time, and the kitten will probably want to play a lot more than Boris does. If there are two kittens, they can entertain each other and Boris can join in when he wants to. Something to think about, anyway. I think it's a wonderful idea to open your home to another kitty or two, if you are ready.
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This is EXACTLY why I am doing TWO. Bo can decide his level of participation, either join in or just watch "kitty T.V." He's been very much a "mummy's boy" and has tricked me into hand feeding him - it's something he has always insisted on when he's "down" - he's doing pretty well but I'm keeping a close eye on him. He is such a deep & sensitive boy and I can't bear the thought of anything happening to him. I am prepared to somewhat "ignore" the kittens and confirm to him that HE is the King and then, hopefully, he will rule his kingdom.

If all goes according to plan, I will have two this weekend. They are each about 4 months old and will be coming from afar. The stars and moons have aligned as there is a big CFA cat show this weekend where many of the country's top breeders will be showing and it's only 30 minutes away. They are bringing kittens for me! I'll need help with names! I THINK it will be a boy & a girl but there is always a slight possibility that it will be 2 girls - as several kittens are being brought and I THINK I know which ones - but it could change when I meet them. And, I have to keep the kittens apart for a few days too as they are from different catteries - it will be work!

Know that I LOVE ALL KITTY'S! I wish I could adopt them ALL - the feral, the stray, the sick, the old. I just have a passion for the special big eyes and the fur coats. And also know that I do donated to shelters and do my part. If I were a billionaire, I would have a huge compound where I would employ TWO people for EACH cat. They would be waited on hand and foot, sleep on velvet pillows and want for nothing. Unfortunately, unless I buy a lottery ticket, it's only a dream........

Thank you ALL for your support and kind words. I will keep you updated and once I get this household situated, will be back on to support others. Diabetes has become a crusade for me - and I've had to watch my mouth as the kittens start out on DRY food! Well, not for long! .........Oh, and I opened a tin of 11% for Boris last night - boy, did that feel strange!

Stay tuned! My life is about to be turned upside down!

xx
B
 
I know what you mean about things not being up to snuff. :lol: :lol: Our kitties are a whole lot more important than a few dust bunnies, that's for sure. :-D :-D Can't wait for pictures! I hope the kittens and Boris become friends.
Liz
 
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