How does one deal with this?

Hi, I'm participating in another thread in which I'm hoping to get play by play instructions for what to do next.

I'm ruminating on another topic. How does one deal with the feelings that come up when more and more of one's time, money, and energy goes into the cat. And one's life is stuck with little or no forward movement.

Unfortunately, my emotional well being seems to be tied up with my cat's well being.

We've been cycling around with health issues for over 4 years, up and down, merry go round. I'm getting exhausted.

Your thoughts? Thanks in advance.

 

For me I'm their mother so I gotta do what I gotta do. They are completely dependent on me to get them through but I also have to find and take the time to care for myself too.

 

For me? It all comes down to what my Zoe does for me. She makes me happy and I would go to the ends of the earth to help her.
My long gone diabetic Trouble, was dumped on us and I assumed the role of mom. He was a good cat that came to me neglected and sick. I took on the role of nurse. I was glad to do it. It turned out Trouble was anything but. I sure do miss that little dude.

 

Well, yes. Squeaky has made me very happy but I'm so stressed for the last 4 years. I think I need to consider our options. Might need to re-home him which is probably impossible. I hate to think of the alternative but I'm not doing well trying to do this by myself.

 

THIS.

For me, I never felt like I was putting my life on hold for Panic. I never resented the fact that my life revolved around hers ... I was happy to do it. Actually it improved my QoL. I was getting up early every day, no dragging my feet to get out of bed, no "ten more minutes". Didn't mind missing out on outings or dinner with friends, she came first because that's what I had decided and she needed me. I felt like I had purpose in life - that someone needed me for once. It kept me going, even last October when I lay in bed surely dying from some strange upper respiratory infection I had contracted, I was still pulling myself up with the alarm every 2-3 hours because it was test time despite feeling like garbage ... Understandably when I lost her, I felt everything I had built was crashing down. No longer needed. I felt like I lost my pet, my job, and my friend all at once. It sucks.

Not everyone feels that way though - and they're not bad owners for not feeling like they can devote their time like me. I'm single, no kids, and little worry of not making rent. They're all I have. Not everyone is in that position. I also didn't deal with it for 4 years ... burnout is real too. Your outlook on it plays a huge role but I also realized with my sugar cat, that people that "give up" their animals are doing a noble thing too ... I used to think anyone who would give away their pet when things got hard/expensive just wasn't a true pet lover. But after Panic was diagnosed I actually made a sort of "will" for her that I stuck on the fridge. It said if anything were to happen to me in the event that I couldn't care for her 100% - she needed to be re-homed immediately. It was all about her.

 

Jan this is totally understandable. Every care giver has to weigh the options of how this affects them AND their cat. I guess it comes down to how would you feel the first time you are confronted with that tuft of fur you find, an old toy Squeaky loved, or even the dish he ate out of, once he is gone...?
BUT giving Squeaky up may be the ultimate act of love. We do not judge. We cant know what you have been through. All I can say is we will try our darnedest to help and support you should you decide to fight this up hill battle. While we cant be in your home we will be here for you as best we can. You wont be completely alone.
Sending best wishes and love for any decision you make. We ALL want the best for you and Squeaky.
jeanne

 

It is exhausting caring for a dependent being, there’s no getting away from it. And honestly - all of us would say that our emotional wellbeing is tied up with our cat(s)’ wellbeing. It’s definitely not just you. The constant worry and sleepless nights and/or getting up in the night (sometimes several times) added to all the other caring duties does take its toll over time.

Most of us here do this for our kitties simply because it’s what we do, ie any alternative isn’t an option. We do it out of the unconditional love we have for our kitties in the same way that that’s what they give us. But many of us are permanently exhausted and burn-out is never far off. You may need to inject some other, more fun elements into life so that it doesn’t seem feline diabetes morning, noon and night. It’s harder at present with various levels of lockdown everywhere, but if you can’t get out and do stuff you’d like to do, the different forums of this board might help - maybe try hanging out on Community and getting involved in some of the topics there - some are pretty light-hearted and can help to ground you and provide some balance. Also, maybe try introducing some other activities into your day at home that will relax you and re-energise you?

If you really feel at the end of your rope, talk to your vet and see if they can suggest any options. Maybe you just need a break. I don’t know where you are in the world but here in the UK some people put their pets into foster care for periods of time, say if they’re going into hospital and need their animals taken care of... there are individuals who don’t want a permanent cat/dog of their own but are happy to help out with short-term care.

I hope you can work things out.

 

I feel your pain and frustration in dealing with long term health issues in your baby. I spent 5 years dealing with a chronically ill cat before we had to help her over the rainbow bridge. Her illness was a total mystery, as we never had the money for a real diagnosis. It was stressful, it was painful, but it was my life to keep her alive because she was my child.
She had a happy life, and we gave her the care and love she needed. In return, she gave us love and trust, until her last breath. She was purring with gratitude when we got the final diagnosis of cancer and made the decision that she had been through enough. She was too sick to handle chemo. She thanked us on her way out.

That is what kept me going through all my stress. She came to me each night and curled up with me and looked at me with love in her eyes and a purr in her throat, because she knew I'd go to the ends of the universe for her, just like I will for my Mouse, and any other kitty in my care that gets sick.

 

Thank you everybody for your heartfelt posts. We're doing better today. Couldn't be doing this without your coaching. Thank you. I am searching everywhere I can to get support for myself. This is kind of the straw that broke the camels back. Hoping to get some support from various places. Thank you again.

 

Well I think I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown over this. I don't think I can keep doing this.

 

DCIN helps re-home cats if you need to reach out to them about it. Hang in there.

 

I wish we could be there to help. I think this would be different if you had some physical help. If anything a shoulder to cry on.
I dont know what kind of relationship you have with your vet but if there is one, then maybe you should at least talk to him/her about fostering or rehoming??? I dont say this lightly. I just feel your pain.

 

What I really need is someone to come over and jump start this. Get him used to the ear prick. Get him used to the shots. Because he's picking up my energy and I'm a nervous wreck. I keep crying and a while ago I left the house and slammed the door. That is not conducive to success in this endeavor. If someone could come over and make this happen for a week, that would be perfect. Just give me a break. Just get him used to it. To find someone to do this would probably cost $1000 for a week. I'm reaching out everywhere I know for help but I'm falling apart.

 

I will call the lady I talked to at the DCIN and see if she can help.

 

Good idea.

 

So many of us will relate to this. It is tough, we all know. I was lucky to have a lovely UKer at the time called Beth who was an absolute angel and came to my house several times to help me through... I wonder if there’s anyone on the board in your area who could do the same? Maybe you could start a new thread with your approx location in the subject line and ask if there’s anyone nearby who might be able to help?

Hang in there - we all know what it’s like and we’d all like to help. If there’s no-one nearby who can step in on a practical level, lean on the other members of FDMB who can at least offer moral support...

 

Jan --

Being overwhelmed at this stage of learning is where many of us were when we first started out We've had MDs, vets, nurses, vet techs, etc. here and they get stressed out (since it's a different ballgame when it's your kitty, child, etc.). I promise, it does get easier.

I had to learn how to test and shoot from YouTube videos. I am comfortable and knowledgable in medical situations so everyone thought I knew how to give an injection and I was such a nervous wreck picking up Gabby from the ICU I forgot to ask how to give a shot. The first time Gabby dropped into low numbers I was a basket case. One of the nicest compliments someone ever gave me was when Gabby's numbers dropped into the 30s, the member commented on how cool, calm, and collected I was. It truly had become second nature. (My cat was a diva who would do this sort of thing with some degree of regularity.)

If you think of any new skill you've needed to master, I'd be surprised if your performance was perfect the first time out. If someone is observing your steps toward mastery, it can make it even harder -- it feels like you're under a microscope. Any new parent says much the same -- those darn kids just don't come with an instruction manual and neither does your kitty. It's a learning process and no one here expects you to be perfect.

 

I can totally empathize with your stress. I see your cat has several things going on, diabetes being the most recent. My cat developed diabetes 4 years ago and I remember clearly how stressful it was. I cried for 12 hours straight, and it took several weeks before the new routine felt routine. Since then over the years she's developed a few new things. Arthritis, then a heart murmur, several dental problems, ckd, diagnosed with acromegaly (pituitary tumor), and most recently hyperthyroidism. It can be stressful and expensive no doubt. As long as she's happy and enjoying life, I'm will do my best to keep it that way. I know at some point the bad days will outnumber the good and it will be heartbreaking.