Angela & Blackie & 3 Others
Member Since 2010
I wasn't in the frame of mind to set up a condo after we left the vet's office. We didn't go straight home as we had errands to run, one of which was to pick up 6 cans of Bubba's food so that he didn't run out before the shipment arrived. We ate at Golden Corral, then came straight home where we spent an hour getting the office back to normal. DH helped me, which was good, and very much appreciated. I removed the LB from the bedroom, and put it back into the office.
I cried when I woke up first thing yesterday morning. I intended to get up early and spend some more time with her, and I did just that. I had left some milk in a small dish overnight for her, and when I went into the office I noticed that it was mostly gone. That brought a small smile to my face. I sat down, put a towel over my legs so that her sharp claws wouldn't pierce my skin, and she slowly walked across my lap and went to the water dish, where she drank heartily. Then, she walked onto my lap, and starting kneading, and purring. I saw her drooling, and when I mentioned it, DH told me that she had started drooling the night before. The cancer had spread. I gently wiped her little mouth with the towel, and she proceeded to knead before laying down. I turned on the tv to watch something, all the while petting her, and making her feel as comfortable as possible. After some time, she left to go to the LB, and I watched her as she walked. She walked fairly normally, which was nice to see, but I knew she wasn't feeling good. I think she was showing me that she could be strong, too. I watched her do her business (pee), and she left the box, and sat on the carpet. I moved towards her, and she stood up and did the typical kitty back arch with the tail up thing when I petted her. She then walked back to her box, and I guided her along the way making sure that she didn't fall if she decided to shake her little head. By this time, it was nearly time to take care of Blackie, and the others.
After a while, I came back into the office, and sat down on the floor again with every intention of spending more time with her. She came out of her box, and sat down on my lap again, kneading and purring. I took her sheet that she was laying on, and flipped it over to a cleaner side. I cried. Hard. Again, after a bit she went back to her box, and laid down. It was about 7:40 when I decided to start getting ready. I cried again. I took care of the others at 8, and tested Blackie, made sure that they were all fed, and went to go and check on her again. By about 8:40, I got the carrier, and DH got her. He struggled to put her in there, but wasn't successful. I picked her up, and got her head into the carrier, and gently pushed, and she went in. He told me that he didn't know how I do that, get them in the carrier. I didn't have an answer for him, and still don't.
We left the house at about 5 minutes after that point. During the entire drive there (about 15 minutes' worth), she was quiet. I think she knew she wasn't coming home. DH had her on his lap, and he was quiet, too. Got to the vet's office, and I started crying again. Sat and waited while the vet was finishing up with another patient. The longer we sat and waited, the more anxious we both became, and more frustrated as the vet was taking longer with the previous patient. During our waiting period, I kept going to the carrier, opening the door, and petting her. She was drooling... A lot. I used the towel that I hadn't taken out of the carrier to wipe it off her mouth. She hadn't soiled the towel, and I was able to find a clean corner of it. Finally, the vet called us in, and set her up on the table. She didn't want to come out of the carrier through the door, so we undid it and lifted the top part to get her. One of the assistants brought in a blanket so that she wouldn't be sitting on cold steel. There were 3 people I didn't know in there with us, 2 of them in their later teens to early 20's. I cried hard again. The vet came into the room with the sedative and the final injection. He examined her, and I asked him if the tumor had grown. He said yes. He also noticed that her jaw was swollen. He inserted the catheter into her leg, and she growled and hissed. One of the girls was holding her on her rear probably to make sure she wouldn't struggle. I kept petting her and talking to her, and DH kept petting her, too. Soon, it was over. I continued to cry, this time harder. I hugged DH hard, and cried into his shirt. I didn't look up at him. I knew he was crying, too. We spent more time with her, and told her how much we loved and missed her, and told her that there was nothing we could've done. I knew I was talking to a shell now, and yet in a way I felt she was still there in the room. I think she knew.
We left the vet's office to go take care of our errands. DH told me that he tried to be strong for me, and couldn't. I told him it was alright. I knew he loves her as much as I do.
Fly free, my sweet precious little Shadow, fly free, and land softly. Scooter, Jr. Mint, Precious, and all the others will welcome you with open paws to Heaven's meadows.
I cried when I woke up first thing yesterday morning. I intended to get up early and spend some more time with her, and I did just that. I had left some milk in a small dish overnight for her, and when I went into the office I noticed that it was mostly gone. That brought a small smile to my face. I sat down, put a towel over my legs so that her sharp claws wouldn't pierce my skin, and she slowly walked across my lap and went to the water dish, where she drank heartily. Then, she walked onto my lap, and starting kneading, and purring. I saw her drooling, and when I mentioned it, DH told me that she had started drooling the night before. The cancer had spread. I gently wiped her little mouth with the towel, and she proceeded to knead before laying down. I turned on the tv to watch something, all the while petting her, and making her feel as comfortable as possible. After some time, she left to go to the LB, and I watched her as she walked. She walked fairly normally, which was nice to see, but I knew she wasn't feeling good. I think she was showing me that she could be strong, too. I watched her do her business (pee), and she left the box, and sat on the carpet. I moved towards her, and she stood up and did the typical kitty back arch with the tail up thing when I petted her. She then walked back to her box, and I guided her along the way making sure that she didn't fall if she decided to shake her little head. By this time, it was nearly time to take care of Blackie, and the others.
After a while, I came back into the office, and sat down on the floor again with every intention of spending more time with her. She came out of her box, and sat down on my lap again, kneading and purring. I took her sheet that she was laying on, and flipped it over to a cleaner side. I cried. Hard. Again, after a bit she went back to her box, and laid down. It was about 7:40 when I decided to start getting ready. I cried again. I took care of the others at 8, and tested Blackie, made sure that they were all fed, and went to go and check on her again. By about 8:40, I got the carrier, and DH got her. He struggled to put her in there, but wasn't successful. I picked her up, and got her head into the carrier, and gently pushed, and she went in. He told me that he didn't know how I do that, get them in the carrier. I didn't have an answer for him, and still don't.
We left the house at about 5 minutes after that point. During the entire drive there (about 15 minutes' worth), she was quiet. I think she knew she wasn't coming home. DH had her on his lap, and he was quiet, too. Got to the vet's office, and I started crying again. Sat and waited while the vet was finishing up with another patient. The longer we sat and waited, the more anxious we both became, and more frustrated as the vet was taking longer with the previous patient. During our waiting period, I kept going to the carrier, opening the door, and petting her. She was drooling... A lot. I used the towel that I hadn't taken out of the carrier to wipe it off her mouth. She hadn't soiled the towel, and I was able to find a clean corner of it. Finally, the vet called us in, and set her up on the table. She didn't want to come out of the carrier through the door, so we undid it and lifted the top part to get her. One of the assistants brought in a blanket so that she wouldn't be sitting on cold steel. There were 3 people I didn't know in there with us, 2 of them in their later teens to early 20's. I cried hard again. The vet came into the room with the sedative and the final injection. He examined her, and I asked him if the tumor had grown. He said yes. He also noticed that her jaw was swollen. He inserted the catheter into her leg, and she growled and hissed. One of the girls was holding her on her rear probably to make sure she wouldn't struggle. I kept petting her and talking to her, and DH kept petting her, too. Soon, it was over. I continued to cry, this time harder. I hugged DH hard, and cried into his shirt. I didn't look up at him. I knew he was crying, too. We spent more time with her, and told her how much we loved and missed her, and told her that there was nothing we could've done. I knew I was talking to a shell now, and yet in a way I felt she was still there in the room. I think she knew.
We left the vet's office to go take care of our errands. DH told me that he tried to be strong for me, and couldn't. I told him it was alright. I knew he loves her as much as I do.
Fly free, my sweet precious little Shadow, fly free, and land softly. Scooter, Jr. Mint, Precious, and all the others will welcome you with open paws to Heaven's meadows.
