Friends I need a pep talk

Status
Not open for further replies.
Charley

Charley

Member
I'm having a very stressful time at work, come home to stress with the kitty and I'm beginning to crumble. No, I don't test as often as most of you, but I'm struggling to balance having a life. I know that's selfish. My family doesn't go away for anymore trips, we're constantly watching the clock, and are in desperate need of sleep. The expense has also caused a strain The guilt I'm feeling isn't helping. Im also becoming a little nuerotic about my kitten i find myself constantly worried that he will get sick too. I know a lot of my fear is stemming from me losing two kitties last year. All of the bg pokes, insulin, food and corresponding with the vet have become all my responsibility. My husband has tried and failed miserably at testing and giving shots. Did you all go through a period of these feelings or am I horribly selfish? I just feel defeated. Since we aren't home during the day the vet and I agreed to maintain his dose for one more month- then I'm off until August. Please share any words of wisdom you may have.
 
This seems to be the day several of us need a pep talk, so don't feel like you're alone. Three months into this, I can tell you I had hoped to feel like I had things under control, but sometimes I just don't. I would love to be able to sleep through the night and not have to worry about the +6 or making sure I'm measuring the insulin just right, but that's not where I am right now. I understand completely about not feeling like you can go anywhere and it's a balancing act - taking care of your diabetic baby without taking away from the rest of your family. My husband helps out with Hershey's care, but isn't as 'into it' as I am.

Today is our 3-month anniversary of starting insulin and I've been feeling a little down today, too. There are lots of things I wish - including remission for Hershey, or better yet - that this had never happened to him. But, it did. Yes, there have been unplanned expenses, but I feel I made a commitment to him when I gave him a home with us to do all that I could to take care of him and I take that commitment seriously. No, Hershey's not in remission, yet - but when I compare where he was 5 months ago at diagnosis to where he is today, it's a MAJOR improvement. And, the added time spent with him (and Oreo, too) has made us closer...hard to explain...

I don't know if this is pepping you up or not, but I can also tell you that you have to take care of yourself or you won't be able to take care of anybody else. There are some nights I forego middle of the night testing because I NEED a few uninterrupted hours of sleep and that's okay. You may need to go take a walk or take an extra long shower/bath for some "me" time or go have lunch/coffee with a friend (or your husband) to give yourself some time to re-energize. Whatever it is that revitalizes you - do it!

And, maybe you could start fresh 'training' your husband to help you. When we started this, Doug did all of the testing and shooting and I did the 'paperwork' part - posting/reading on the forum, updating the SS, etc. I thought I'd never be able to test/shoot. It took me about two weeks to start testing and a lot longer than that to attempt to give a shot. It still takes me 5 - 10 minutes to draw up the dose, but I shoot about half the time now. So, if he's willing, there is HOPE!

I hope something I've said has been helpful to you. I mostly just want you to know that you're not alone. We all go through those feelings of feeling overwhelmed and even defeated. That's another wonderful thing about this board. We can come and share with others who truly get how you're feeling. We're here to hold each other up!

Take care -

Libby (and Hershey, too!)
 
Why do we do what we do for our furry loves? Some of our friends think we're nuts, "a crazy cat lady", or other some such. Other friends know how important our fuzzy loves are to us, that they are not simply pets but beloved members of the family. Can it be a hardship, caring for our sugar kitty? You betcha. It can also have it's rewards.

I am the only one who cares for Poopy and his diabetes. DH doesn't have anything to do with it. Sure, he helps out in other ways - supporting my decision to care for Poopy being the least of them (although he does think I'm a bit off over it all). Financially this wasn't something I'd ever planned on and it sure has made a huge dent in my finances but when it comes down to it, how much do I pay for love? That's what Poopy gives me. Sure, sometimes he's a bear about testing, and others he purrs right through. I call it a male thing and laugh about the bear times, but sometimes it hurts. Doesn't he understand I'm only trying to help him? Silly thing is, he doesn't know. All he knows is I feed him food he likes, brush him (which he adores), clean out his litter box, and love on him when he's willing. I'm laughing right now as I see these other "male" traits. :lol:

There are times I'd love to not watch the clock, not roll out of bed to test, feed and shoot. Many a morning I hurt bad. Real bad. But I still struggle out of the bed, bouncing along the walls, finding my way to the kitchen for the morning routine. It sure doesn't help when Poopy decides to be a bear on those mornings. Perhaps he feels my pain and that's his reaction. Who knows.

The darkest times is when I wonder if I should have gone the other way. The way I dread to even think of. The way many seem to choose when faced with caring for a diabetic animal. Could I have put him down? I know in my heart I could not. I don't know if I could when the time comes when it should happen. Bottom line, I care for Poopy because I love him. While he doesn't understand what all I do for him, he does know he's loved and cared for.

Changing my life habits to fit in the test, feed, shoot hasn't been all that great, but it's been doable. The other night a friend I hadn't seen in years wanted to meet for dinner after work. I told him he'd have to wait a bit later as I had to care for Poopy first. Ya know, he didn't bat an eye at it, agreed to meet later, and we had a wonderful time catching up over dinner. That is a friend!

Not sure if this is a pep talk for you or for me. I've been feeling really down with all my health issues and the seemingly endless vision of test, feed, shoot. Ya know, I don't feel so bad anymore. I do have choices. I choose to care for my fuzzy love and enjoy the love he returns, even when he's being a bear.
 
I agree with the above. I think we all need the pep talk. This is a hard disease and very frustrating and confusing at times. Teresa is right, we are choosing to love our animals and care for them in the best way possible. That is all we can do. We may not be able to control the FD the way "WE" want to, but our cats do know they are loved and cared for. In return, we are loved back unconditionally! Don't we all really want that? To be loved unconditionally. Our furry friends do that and it's our God given responsibility to care for them. You are doing that so pat yourself on your back and go love on your kitty.

As for DH. There is hope. Mine doesn't want ANYTHING to do with FD. He will support in other ways, financially and do a feeding here and there. But, if i wasn't around, i'm sure Copper would either be given to the human society or PTS. I live with that everyday. What if something were to happen to me. I deal with a major disease myself and at risk for being in hosp from time to time. I'm just praying i don't ever get to that point because what would happen to my cat. Nobody would test him or give shot. Anyhoo...I don't want to even go there...Right now i'm just enjoying everyday i DO have with him and know that i'm doing everything i can to help him feel a little better everyday!

Hang in there.....Wish i could say it will get easier and more understandable...But, it will get easier that you will feel more competent in what you are doing....LOVING. You can't go wrong with that!!!

lori
 
I think we all know how you feel. :YMHUG:

This disease seems to be a roller coaster. You think you are doing good and cruising along well, then something happens and you feel down in the dumps, or are second guessing decisions you made.
I think we all just have to do the best we can each day. To be slightly Buddhist philosophy about it, do the best you can today and don’t worry yourself about yesterday or tomorrow. Don’t chase the past, don’t seek the future, the gift is now. I know that is hard to do. Very hard some days. It has become my mantra tho.

It is a struggle to deal with being home every 12 hours to shoot insulin. We have been at this FD dance a year and 4 months. Asher is close to being regulated, for the second time, kind of. Touch wood. We have a long story I won’t bore you with.

My partner Tom and I used to travel quite a bit for work and for us. Those days are gone for now. Our wonderful cat sitter was just learning to shoot insulin, and then her Mother took sick with her third bout of cancer, and now is gravely ill and in hospice. I can’t ask her for any help. I am offering help to her since she’s so maxxed and had to practically quit working to care for her Mom. I just don’t know that I would trust anyone else with our cats and with a key to our house.

So Tom and I travel separately when need be. He is wonderful with testing and shooting. I am blessed to have a partner that takes it as seriously as I do. One of us always is here. Yes, some days when I am alone on kitty duty, I feel like all I do is test, feed, shoot. Tom and I joke about that feeling. “All kitties, all the time” we call it. But it is our choice for certain. We don’t have children by choice, our cats are our “children”, if you will. We made a promise to care for them their whole lives and we take that very seriously. Asher was only 7 and in good health otherwise when he was dx’ed. We had to do this. We didn’t think twice about it.

Yes it’s heartbreaking, yes it’s expensive, yes we probably do too much some days and deprive ourselves of sleep some nights. It is SO worth it though. Some of that feeling you can explain and some of it you can’t. Asher purrs when we test him. I truly think he knows we are helping him in some way. So on good days and bad, we press on.

And if in some small way, our struggles and joys can help someone else here, well, that would just be the best outcome of all! So we continue to hang out and see what we can do.

I hope hearing from us all is helpful to you. We all have bad days. I have been in tears and I have laughed out loud at what goes on here with our sugar kitty. Light and love to you in your journey ahead. I wish you success and health!
 
Thank you friends. It's calming to know I'm not alone in how I feel. I'm just feeling guilty about the selfish feelings I am experiencing. My son turned 13 today and Charley is his kitty. He told me this morning that Charley being with us still is the best present he could have.
 
I'm not feeling too profound with words right now, but the wisdom already shared has made ME feel better - I hope it has you, too. Our furries keep us company, console us, and make us laugh. They demonstrate unconditional love in almost everything they do. I've never felt so comfortable being needed (or kneaded! :lol: ), as I do by them. We give up a part of our own lives to make theirs better. For most of my kitties, life on the street - or birth in exceptionally cold weather... or whatever, probably would not have enabled them to be alive today. We can't change the world, but we CAN help the little ones we bring into our lives. And though sometimes their conditions wreak havoc, I can only think about making it work, not making excuses. They deserve to be cared for - just like your 2-legged children, your parents, and your friends in need. Who better than us to care for them?

Although things are still sometimes bumpy, after getting into a little bit of a rhythm, it has gotten easier. So hang on - BREATHE - and just take it one day at a time. One test at a time, One cycle at a time.

BTW - Great mantra!
 
I didn't need the pep talk yet, but I read this thread knowing that one day, soon, I will need it.

Before I recognized that Pumbaa was showing symptoms of something not good two weeks ago, I was already stressed for time and financially stressed as well. But you just do what you have to do to take care of your family, and my cats and my dog are my family.

Before the BG testing and urine testing and shot giving, there were days when the daily routine of feeding the pets and cleaning the food and water dishes and even setting up the coffee pot at night was so redundant that I just wanted to scream. Now I look back and see how lucky I was to ONLY have those things to take care of. *LOL*

No DH here, so all of the responsibility is on my shoulders. I do have to remember to take care of me, too, because if anything happens to me, there is no one to take care of my animal family.

If I sound strong and able to easily deal with all this, that's not the case. *LOL* I'll be talking to someone, in person or on the phone, and out of the middle of nowhere, tears will well up in my eyes. When that happens, I just figure that my body is "leaking stress". ;)

I thank EVERYONE on these boards for their support and patience in answering questions, and for the words of encouragement that mean so much and remain in my head when I'm exhausted and having a private little pity party. I am also very encouraged every time I see someone post "OTJ" and pray that Pumbaa (and all of our diabetic cats) will join those ranks one day soon!
 
Charley said:
He told me this morning that Charley being with us still is the best present he could have.
Click to expand...

And that right there says it all, doesn't it? :-D

On another note, look what you are teaching your children about care and responsibility. :smile: It's a beautiful thing! :cool:
 
I just 'leaked stress' through this whole string of emails. I needed it.

Thanks for saying everything I thought and felt and didn't want to say.

I used to travel back east a lot to see my family, as well as visiting friends. Since Chong was dx'd I have gone to a 2 day convention, the whole set up, etc. extremely stressful, and her numbers have never been as good as right before I went. Did my going do that? Does that mean I can never leave again? What about my planned, and paid for, vacation in July?

While reading, typing & 'leaking stress', Chong came onto my desk to lay next to my computer and purr. A little love . . .
 
Not much that I can add at this point but I'll give it a shot (pardon the pun).

It is normal that feelings will come up, even feeling that we are "not supposed" to have, like resentment and anger. We are only human and FD can be very disruptive to our lives, so it is important to take a break and recharge rather than running on empty. Eventually we need to accept that we can only do so much and no more as we have limits. Even if my kitty took a turn for the worse tomorrow, he's been on borrowed time for so long that it will be easier to accept. I know he would have been a lot less lucky with a less caring owner. Yes, it does take a toll, to the point that a part of mine was disappointed when he got sick a few weeks ago and then recovered. While of course I was happy and overjoyed, I know that this roller coaster won't end any time soon. I thought he was OTJ and now he's back on it, then he got off it for a week, now he's back again. It is what it is and we are fortunate to have this board to support each other.
My kitty is very special to me because he came to my life at a difficult time, and I have no children of my own so this is it for me. When I was a kid, we had cats in the home but I wasn't responsible for them and never got too attached to them. But this is my "firstborn" and after bonding for 14 years, he'll take a part of me when he goes, whenever that will be. In the meantime, I can only do the best I can even if my choices are not perfect because I know that he is in good hands.
Sorry about the rambling, I hope this helps.
 
DiabeticMom said:
I just 'leaked stress' through this whole string of emails. I needed it.
Click to expand...

I love that you used the "leaking stress" analogy! :)

Tears can be so cathartic/purging for the stuff building up in our bodies, can't they?

Sometimes, when I know I need to "leak some stress", I will play some music that is guaranteed to make me cry...and just let it all flow out of me. It's kind of like taking a laxative when you're constipated. *LOL*
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top