Deciding when to let go

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linda and guinness

linda and guinness

Member Since 2009
Hi,

Some of you know me and my cat Guinness from quite a time ago and some do not. I am posting here to get advice on when to say goodbye. A little background:

Three or so years ago Guinness was diagnosised with Diabetes, which I was able to get into remission for about a year. It came back and so did a bad case of Insulin Resistance, which ended up being Acromegaly. Those who know me, know this part of my story...Guinness had been doing well until about 3 months ago when a small lump on his side continued to grow rapidly and was finally diagnosised as a Vaccine Associated Sarcoma. It's pretty big now, about the size of a baseball - my hope was to get him past Christmas without it popping open or ulcerating, but it keeps getting bigger and he seems to be getting slower and slower.

This morning he had a hard time coming downstairs for his BG test and breakfast. Guinness has never met a meal he didn't like, so when he only ate half, I really started to worry. In fact, I almost called the vet today to schedule it for Saturday, but I can't bring myself to do it. He was better tonight - walking around a little bit more, hungry, but has watery eyes. I keep asking him to just go in his sleep, but I don't think he will. I cry all the time about it and I don't know when to do it. I have a 7 year old daughter that knows what is happening and knowing how it's going to affect her is making my decision that much harder. My husband will go along with whatever I decide because he knows how close Guinness and I are, but that is making it hard too, because ultimately it's my decision and I can't make it.

How do you decide? What is the criteria for deciding to let them go? I always said when he can't make it up or down the stairs, when he can't make it to the litter box, when he stops eating. But now I'm not sure that I can wait for those things. I also said when the tumor ruptures, but I don't know if I should wait for that either. This is such a hard decision, how can I make it?

Well, I think I just needed to put it out there. Thank you all for listening.
 
Oh Linda, I am so sorry to hear it is near your sweet boy's time. I can share my story with my Oliver. He also was so happy about his food, like Guinness.

Oliver was diagnosed with heart disease. We started medicine and had fluid drained several times. He would rally for a few days but then stop coming for loves and finally, he quit eating. Once he no longer was interested in eating, I knew I had to let him go.

It was so hard for me to hold him in my arms while he got the shot and slipped away. But I felt, and have always been sure, that I gave him a gift, a quick and calm departure from his world.

Someone said once, and I thought it was so wise: Better a day too early than an minute too late.
 
Sue,

Thank you so much for your story and your kind words. It helps to know that I am not alone in this. This will be the first pet that I have had to make this decision for and it's just agonizing. I appreciate you sharing Oliver's story with me.

Linda
 
I have the same problem you have... I think it is time for Sophia. She is still not eating. We took her to the vet yesterday and she had a blockage/poop/ in her intestine but the vet thinks something else is going on. She is still jumpping up on the sofa though.

I think we need to lt go if they suffer and I know there is immediate regret after that too...............it is a hard question. Maybe you an wait a day or two and then see how it goes.

My heart goes out to you.
 
Hi Linda. I lost my sweet Jack to a VAS in January 2011. He was my best friend. He wasn't diabetic and didn't have any other health issues. We had the sarcoma removed once and it started to grow back almost immediately. At that point we chose to wait until it ulcerated, which it did when it was the size of a softball. Then we had Jack PTS. It was so sad, and I'm sorry you'll be faced with the same decision.

I think it's time when they can no longer go about their normal lives without pain or assistance. You will know. Again, I'm so sorry.
 
My heart just cries for you. It IS SO agonizing. When my Waldo stopped eating I tried EVERYTHING to no avail. It was when he just wanted to be left alone that I FINALLY
"got it". It was his way of telling me "I'm done mommy" Makes me cry to this day.

My thoughts and prayers for guidance and strength go with you, Dont miss the signs,
jeanne
 
I'm so sorry Guinness is so ill that you need to make this decision. I believe quality of life is answer. If there is no hope of recovery, you need to ask what is best for him, not for you. If he's suffering, the most loving thing is to do is let him go peacefully.

If you decide to let him go, remember you are doing it with love and his best interests at heart. I know that doesn't make it easier to make the decision, but it can help heal your heart.
 
Its so hard, it always is so hard ((((((((((((((((((((((((LINDA)))))))))))))))))))))))))

I put my civies Conor and Janeway to sleep in February on the same day. Both had cancers that would not respond to treatment. Conor was ready to go, Janeway might have been ok a bit longer but I couldnt let her get to the point when she couldnt eat.

Janeway had was was almost certainly Squamous.. her jaw was big and getting bigger and the mass had destroyed most of her jaw already, it was a big hard calcified mess. She was just starting to not be able to close her mouth and starting to drool but was still eating. Conor had both bladder and bile duct tumors.

It was so so hard.. and I know it was the right call. I think you will know when its time, and I dont always think the pets tell you. I think sometimes they hang on for you because they know you arent ready, and do that stoic thing and it makes it harder to tell when they are ready.

Sending many many cyber hugs..
 
I am so sorry you are going through this, I was in a similar predicament a year ago with my newly diagnosed diabetics' sister. She didn't have diabetes that we were aware of but the fibrosarcoma showed up on her neck out of no-where, we had it removed. It got better for a while and so did she and then she went crazy scratching at it, opening it. From there she spiralled fast. We tried treatment, pills, etc. it did nothing.The week we made the decision she was sleeping in her litterbox among her feces, not eating food yet eating the dirty litter, she was non-responsive and limp, starving.

We took her to the vet to say goodbye and he was pressuring us to do more which made it worse. It was the end.. I know we made the right choice. I hope your kitty doesn't get to this point and don't let anyone make you feel bad about your decisions. You know your cat the best and you should go with your instinct.

I wish you the best of luck. All will be ok in the end.
 
I am sorry you are going through this .. you aren't alone, several of us have had to make that choice .. When I lost my first kitty, she had cancer and had to go in for a recheck .. I was in denial about the cancer getting worse, and that this simply was a vet visit for her to be checked over .. It wasn't until my vet told me that really, it was time .. and it was .. I had kept her going selfishly by force feeding her .. looking back, I should have let her go sooner .. because the kitty I took to the vet with me that day, was not the kitty who had jumped around and chased cat toys through the house .. it wasn't the cat that attacked my toes, even at 15 years old .. it wasn't the cat that ran to the door to meet me each day .... it's hard looking back now and seeing how I kept putting it off, just for my own benefit and that is hard to live with ..
 
Thank you ALL so much for your stories and kind words. i've always been a "listen to my gut" gal when it came to Guinny and his diabetes and acro, but for some reason my emotions are cloudying my intuition on this one. It's the good days that make it hard. Today he had some time out in the sun, scratched on the ground with his nails (hasn't touched his scratching post inside for months) and is meowing right now for food. My daughter keeps telling me to wait longer. I really wish he would find peace and just go in his sleep one of these nights, I keep hoping for that to spare me from having to make the decision, but I know it's not realistic, it's not going to happen that way. I'm also having trouble deciding what to do with his body. I don't want to bury him in my yard, I don't necessarily want his cremated remains around, the vet put the thought of donating his body to VAS research (Vaccine Associated Sarcoma) in my head, but she can't give me many details on what that entails. It's another agonizing decision that I can't seem to make. I'm a mess.

Reading your stories and feeling not so alone are extremely helpful - so again - thank you to this wonderful community.
 
When ive had to put ill pets down in the past. I have to put into consideration that they are in pain and that is no way to live life. I had to be selfless and let go. I know its hard when you love them so much it hurts to have to think about these things. But if i was in your situation i would put the animal out of their pain now, before they go through even more pain. Its a decision nobody else can make for you. I am so sorry for your cat. I wish you the best.
 
Manny was just diagnosed last week with pancreatic carcinoma, a cancer that doesn't respond to surgery or chemo and is most likely why we've had such a hard time regulating his diabetes. I'm just letting him keep going until he doesn't want to. I suspect he'll either stop eating or start vomiting. When he loses enjoyment in eating and finding those sunny spots to lay in, I'll let him go. There hasn't been a cat with this cancer that lives over a year so there's a clock somewhere, I just hope I can read it when the time comes.

I'm so sorry. I don't think I'd want to tumor to burst, personally. Good luck with whatever you chose. I hope he takes the decision away from you.
 
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