Am I crazy? .....(grief)

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Rupert's people

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It's been almost three months since Rupert died in my arms, and I miss him still so much. It's not as if I don't have a million other things to take care of - home. work, family... life. I miss his intuition, his really loud purr, how he always ran to the door when we came home.
Has anyone felt like they were a bit nuts because they grieved for an extended time over a cat? (He really wasn't just a cat - more like a cougar or a confused dog!) But still - a cat. I mean, really! I must get a grip...
This site was such a source of information and encouragement, and I find myself coming back to it from time to time. Without knowing any of you, I feel a sense of connection. So maybe one of you can tell me that yes, I DO need to get a grip or that I'm not losing it.
(I wish I knew how to post photo of Rupee - I've noticed A LOT of orange/ginger cats with diabetes on this site. Rupert was butterscotch. Coincidence?)

thanks!
 
There is NOTHING wrong with what you are feeling. If it makes you feel any better, when I had to have one of my cats put down (one that I watched being born and lived with for 17 years) it took me a year (and therapy) to move on. No kidding.

Hugs to you
 
Dear Ruperts People,
You are NOT crazy. Animals are such a constant friend in our lives, never dissapointing, always there.
I will be completely broken hearted at the loss of my Tom when that time comes. For so long, so so so long. How can you not be?
I did want to tell you about our grief forum.
You will see you are not alone.
Look for it under the board index. It helps to share and to be with other who KNOW exactly what you mean.
I feel your pain people, I really really do.
(((((((people)))))))
Lori
 
You not losing it, and there is no right or wrong amount of time to "get over" losing a friend. It's been over a year since Muse died and I still miss her every single day. I too have plenty of things to keep me busy, 12 cats, one large dog, college, home, family etc. And Rupert wasn't just a cat! He was part of the family, no one tells a wife or husband who loses a spouse to "get over it" or "just go get another one". They don't tell parents that lose a child "its okay, there are more kids out there, that need a good home." If fact it use to be tradition to mour the lose of a family member for a year, so why should anyone expect mourning the lose of a pet to take a few weeks or even a few months? They snuggle into our hearts the moment we first bring them home, and they leave very big holes in our hearts and lives when they leave us. And if they don't, then we should have never had them to begin with. There are 4 cherished memories of any pet ownership, the first time we say hello and bring them home, the first time we look at them and realize they are no longer young and vibrant as they use to be. the day they leave us, and the first time we look back on their memories and can smile instead of cry.

The pain of losing them never goes away, but it does get easier with time, and one day you too will remember Rupert with joy and laughter and smiles, instead of tears. So take all the time you need to mourn your friend. And when you feel ready come over and join the grief part of this board, we understand, we really truly do.

Mel, Maxwell, Musette & The Fur Gang
 
Big hugs to you! You aren't crazy at all. Family is family - fur covered or not and losing a member of your family is hard. Anyone who says different has likely never experienced the love of a pet.
 
You're absolutely not crazy. It's amazing how much we fall in love with our cats. I'm not looking forward to the day when mine leaves and breaks my heart.

If you want to attach a picture, scroll down a little and you'll see a blue section that says "Options". To the right of it says "Upload Attachment". We'd love to see Rupert!
 
I know how you feel. There is no time limit for grieving over a precious kitty. I still get teary eyed when I think of my 2 babies, who passed in Oct and Feb. They were such an important part of my life. Don't let anyone say, it's just a cat. We know better. Donna
 
Hey Rupert's People, Trust ME, You are not crazy by no means...
I agree with the others, Rupert was a part of your family and I know he LOVED you unconditionally, as you loved him. ♥
3 months is not long in I.M.O., You are still mourning, trying your best to accept he is no longer around the house anymore...and my heart breaks for you.
Everyone around you should understand that you need your time to get back on track and forever how long it takes, your Heart will heal a little more in time.. Even if it takes a year+.

I am not sure if you have other fur-babies, other kitty's or dog's etc... If you do, they may help you heal a little faster as well.

Coming from a girl who has a very busy life, (2 kids, a hubby, family, house, farm, lots of animals, work, classes etc) And I am no young chicken! ;-)
I still have my days when I go up to where our animals are buried and just sit on the bench and cry....my other dogs or cats will just sit with me and look at me or even try to
lick my face..like they know why I am upset..I just hold each of them, tell them how much I love them, and hopefully I wont lose anymore, anytime soon.. Most of my animals do live for a very very long time, and of course that makes it so much harder to deal with, when they do leave... I seem to handle a natural death better than a sudden , tragic death...I am sure alot of others do too...

I lost my rottweiler (Brittney) & my poodle (Tandy) {10 years ago} . And I miss them still to this day. They both died of natural causes. But, we were like 3 peas in a pod!

My jack rat (Buster), My Tabby Kitty (Tiger), and my 2 Siamese kitty's (Grandma Sassy & Po's MAMA, MIA) {Since last year} I thought I was gonna lose it or go off the deep end myself, because it seemed like after I had a month or so to mourn and try to pick myself up, I would lose another pet...and so on... I just did not understand what was going on? Why was I losing all my babies!? Buster was guarding his sisters pen (while she was in her "lady like way") he was funny, he would not stay right up close to the dogpen, he would sit far away, under the tree edges, or bushes- until some "male-caller" would enter the yard.. then he would run out and yip, and bark at them, until they left... One morning I found him in the pasture, dead.. from an attack?! Either another dog or maybe even coyotes.. I was pretty upset about that, even mad. He was a young boy, only 4 years old..

My Tiger, was a joy! He was really our first inside kitty, He was the KING! He was a big boy, really pretty Tiger Like Stripes.. He taught Po-kitty everything he knew. He would stay inside during the day, he liked to go outside at night... he was fixed, never strayed off, but one morning.. when we all were leaving to go to school, he was in the road?! My heart just sank, I dropped to my knees, I was in shock. (we found out later, why him and others were going across the road- which was a pretty good distance from our house- the land owner was harrowing up his land, making fire breaks, and the MICE were all stirred up and running everywhere) I guess he wanted to find out where all the others had been going, he wanted to catch a mouse too.. *sigh*

As for Grandma Sassy, She was getting up in age, she was a Siamese, she had some Persian in her, She was the start of my Generation of Siamese kittys! She was Po-kittys G-MA'...... I as like to call her. (she passed away a month ago-old age I believe, she took her last breath in my lap) And then there was MIA, PO's mama... She was a very pretty girl, really protective of the yard, the other animals.. her babies etc...no one really tried to mess with her, as far as the other cats... She was always by my side, out in the yard, the garden... I wish she was still here. She was killed by a "stray" / drop-off bird dog, that we had kept, to get back healthy.. try to find a home for him.. they had started jumping on each other, Mia would slap at him, when he was eating, he would chase her..This only went on a few days..I told my husband he needed to find a home for the dog, because he had begun showing his teeth at her, and the day before he got his way, he had grabbed her and one other cat in the yard..He was leaving the house on the weekend, to a guy who raises bird dogs.. well, it was not soon enough, I tried not to blame myself.. It just was not her time to go..
And she was the last kitty left of PO's generation. I had all three, now I have just PO, and now, I am very protective of him, more than I was..

I did not mean to be so long winded, I just wanted you to know I have been there, I know exactly what you and so many others have been through, as far as the grief we have to endeavor, after we lose a pet, a part of our family..

I hope you can figure out how to add a photo, if not u can pm me, maybe I can help! I am used to this forum format, Just a newbie to Feline Diabetes..

Time will heal your HEART, There is no time limit....

<<<ⒽⓊⒼⓈ>>> To You,
 
My Charlie is a butterscotch and cream boy. They are beauties, aren't they? I truly think that a bean's bond with a fd kittie is extra strong. That kittie is relying on you to make him feel good every day. The trust level increases. My cats are just smaller, furrier kids. In fact, my kitties are my escape from the stresses of my human kids sometimes! I would be heartbroken for a long time to lose one. You should grieve however you need to, for however long you need to. Try to find comfort in your family and job and hobbies. Find comfort in the fact that Rupert is no longer sick, uncomfortable, in any pain. You are not crazy! It will get easier, and the good memories will make you smile instead of cry someday. But it's ok if it takes a while. Sometimes I still cry when I see my ga dog's stuffed animal that is memorialized on the grandfather click at my parent's house. She died 6 years ago. But mostly I smile when I think of her. You'll get there eventually.
 
Nope, you aren't crazy. It took me 11 months after Midora died (I had her for 13 years, got her when she was 8 weeks old) to be able to adopt another kitty. I'd come home at night to an empty house which made it worse. We had moved to FL the year before and had no family here. Your feelings are ok. The'll get better w/time but won't go away- and shouldn't.
 
Been there. Big hugs to you :YMHUG:

Having been through losing several cats now, I really think our culture downplays grief - not just for pets (which is HUGELY downplayed) but even for people. Unless you lose a human child or a spouse, or lose someone for some unusually awful reason or circumstance, it's like you are expected to be back at work and back to normal in 3 days or less, and within a couple weeks you are "feeling a lot better now" and everyone moves on.

Which is all cr*p. In my experience, grieving takes a LOT of time, and is a process with a whole series of reactions and emotions that can't be rushed. For me, 3 months in is typically a low point, and I don't start feeling back to semi-normal until somewhere around the 6 month mark. And even after that, it is still a process, just not quite as difficult generally after that in my experience, at least most of the time. And that is with me having been through enough losses that I have a pretty good idea what to expect and how to handle it. When I lost my orange tabby several years ago I was completely blindsided when I discovered I didn't feel any better after the first month, and that pushed me to learn a lot about grieving that has helped me a ton since - to recognize that what I am feeling is connected to grieving, and to have learned a lot of coping strategies to get through it.

As well as the Grief forum here, you might check out the Pet Loss Message Board: http://www.petlossmessageboard.com/

This is also an article I found incredibly helpful to gain a new perspective on what I was going through: http://adrr.com/living/sloss.htm
 
Rupert you heart is still in pain.We have such a strong bond with our fur babies and some time people just don`t understand that.You are a very lucky furparent to have had your Rupert for he grabbed hold of your heart and gave you all his love.How can we not grieve long and hard for someome so special.Sometimes it takes us longer to get over the death of our pets because they give us uncondition love, we never fine that in humans.Maybe it would help you to come to petloss chat too. I lost my little boy Mick he was only 5 years old FIP took him, today almost 4 years later and the pain is still there in my heart but we learn to move on .Just know that when your Rupert left you he ran into that new healthy little body.No more pain or illness of any kind he is safely playing in God`s garden chasing butterflies.They will always be with us they live in everything around us.Maybe it would help you to write his story about how you found each other and how he made you laugh. You have to let the tears flow and help let your heart heal .One day all those in all those tears you will fine a memory that will make a smile come on your lips and then the healing will start.Take your time 3 months is just enough to start getting use to him being gone.Sending tons of healing green light to help in your healing hugsssssssssssssssssssss and never feel bad because you are grieving.Only people that never knew an animal`s love would be able to look down on that.
I have send you on a journey to a land free of pain not because I did not love you but because I loved you too much to force you to stay♥

I am so very sorry for your loss ♥♥ Kath
 
If you want to share here, I would love to know how you and Rubert came to be. And any other features of Rubert you care to share.
Lori
 
You are definitely not crazy....well, maybe you are a little "crazy with grief," that may be possible. But grief is a process that you must allow yourself time to go through. Your furbaby was not just an animal, it was a part of your family, a part of your life, a part of your heart, a part of your love. He will always be a part of you. One day the pain will not hurt quite as much, and the tears will not come to your eyes quite as rapidly, and they won't sting quite as strong; one day you will be able to smile a little bit more as you remember your precious kitty and all the good times you had together. And one day you'll actually join him at the Rainbow Bridge and see him jumping for joy as he looks for you and finds you and runs to greet you with joy in his eyes, and the bright vision of health in his face, and he gives you a gentle kitten-kiss with his little tongue and you laugh and taste the happy tears on your face this time, knowing you'll never again be separated this time.

Are you crazy? Maybe a little...but only in a world that may not understand what it's like to love furbabies. God bless you as you go through these difficult days, and may your heart be comforted with warm and special memories.

cat_pet_icon
 
Dearest Evelyn,

You are not crazy. You just really miss him.

Grief is intensely personal. It is unique to every individual. There's no set time table. A broken heart does mend. It just takes time.

You take all the time you need, okay?

Much love and countless gentle hugs,
Deb and Nikki -- and, Giz, forever dancing with Rupert...
 
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