A story for when you think you're going crazy and a giant failure...

[Lauren & Eliot]

There are a lot of new diagnosis help posts, but just in case you think you're going nuts, that everyone is succeeding at this and you are a giant failure, here's my story from tonight...

Today is my partner's 40th birthday! We had a whole night planned; visiting a comic book store, watching a baseball game at the bar, eating fried chicken and playing (table) shuffleboard, going to watch a band... it was going really well. We haven't really been out since Eliot was diagnosed, we've both been having a hard time, plus he's been getting a ton of overtime at work. We needed the break.

I booked a kitty sitter ages ago. She specializes in cats with medical issues and knew how to give insulin. She learned how to take glucose levels so she could take care of Eliot for me. Tonight was her first all alone kitty sitting night with no net. She did great! Eliot got his tests done, he ate, he took his insulin, everything was super!!

Except his glucose came back 10.1. The lowest he has ever been pre-feed for me is 14.2. I didn't even think warning of her of numbers should be an issue, as he's consistently tested in the twenties the last week!!

So when she told me this, I panicked. We're playing shuffleboard and I'm freaking out. (I still won btw. 21 to 2; my mutant power is really good shuffleboard when quietly freaking out.) We go to the band, I order us a round, and I burst into tears. I am convinced that Eliot is dying right now. Convinced! B - my partner - lovingly sends me home in a cab. The whole while I am crying in this back seat, mixed between "I am the worst partner in the world, it is HIS 40th BIRTHDAY!" and "MY CAT IS DYING" and nothing in between and the cabbie is getting increasingly worried.

We pull in, I throw money at him, I run into the house. Eliot greets me all chirps and purrs, rolls back and forth on the floor for love. I test him the fastest I have ever tested him in my life and he is now.

...27.2?

That's right. My cat was his lowest and his second highest in one night, while I panicked that he was going into hypo and crying in some man's car, as my partner listened to the band we loved, alone, on his 40th birthday.

I'm not saying pity me, or I have it the worst and you can't be upset right now. I'm just saying. It sucks for everyone, you don't figure it out magically all at once and have all the answers, and you're not alone.

YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

PS. He is now purring against my leg as loudly as possible while I eat milk and cookies.

 

[Olive & Paula]

So sorry your evening wasn't as planned. Can you go back and finish your evening now you know Elliot is okay?

 

[Lauren & Eliot]

@Woodsywife Aww, thank you! It's okay, I've had my cry - and hopefully helpful story, we'll see - and some car snuggles, and B and I are going to meet at our pub local after the set ends.

Just another day in being a crazy cat parent!

 

[JeffJ]

Lauren - that is a great story. I'm going to tell Theresa. Didn't you know that you are totally beholden to Eliot???

You are a great cat Mom. Eliot could not have done better. I think he secretly schemed to have his glucose levels all over the place because he was jealous.

 

[JeffJ]

I just looked at Eliot's chart. I don't know his history. You may want to start doing some nadir testing between +4 and +7 hours to determine how effective the dose is. It's possible he could use more insulin. The only way to tell, is to get some other numbers besides AMPS and PMPS.

 

[katiesmom]

So sorry. But you cant help how you feel. You are not alone.

Maybe this will make you feel better.

Last Thursday, we Had VIP tickets to a Paul McCartney concert I bought months ago before Katie went out of remission. I dont even want to tell you what I spent on those tickets, it was a special treat for us (early 25th anniversary present) and the most I have ever spent on concert tickets in my life. The tickets were non sellable, non transferable since they were VIP, so it was use them or lose them.

Well, Katie had just started back on insulin last week, only had about 2-3 days insulin under her belt, so I was a nervous wreck leaving her, not knowing how she was reacting to the insulin yet. Of course I left timed feeder for her, reduced her shot before we left, and we have a wireless security type camera with a app on our phones so we can check on her and see what she is doing (as long as she is in that room). But I swear I am the worlds biggest worrier anyway.

Well, I was nervous, she wasnt visible on the camera, which wasnt like her since she never goes far from the feeder when we are away (she just waits for the lid to pop up). Then she appeared and I felt better, but was still worried because she wasnt hanging out by the feeder.

The concert started, we had 6th row center seats. These two guys in front of me stood up and completely blocked my view, I could barely see Paul. The turmoil of the past week and the heartbreak of Katie out of remission after 3 years just was too much. My anxiety got the better of me, I didnt want to be there, I couldnt see, I just sat down in my seat and cried and cried. I tried to pretend I was okay, but I just kept crying and had a complete and utter meltdown.

About halfway through the concert, I told my husband, I couldnt see, I was too worried about Katie, let's just leave. So we did.
Katie was fine when we got home. I ruined our night, my poor husbands night, and wasted an obscene amount of money.

You are not alone. We just love our furkids.

 

[JeffJ]

I'm sorry to hear that Katiesmom. Our furkids are everything. I'm glad your kitty was fine when you got home. That's too bad those guys were standing up and in the way.

 

[katiesmom]

I'm sorry to hear that Katiesmom. Our furkids are everything. I'm glad your kitty was fine when you got home. That's too bad those guys were standing up and in the way.

Thanks..I know it really wasnt really the guys in the way that got to me, it was just the straw that broke the camels back- I was just overemotional about Katie and didnt want to be there. I tell you what though, I will never be able to hear Paul McCartney again without feeling sad and stupid.

 

[JeffJ]

We're definitely not alone. I bet we all think of our fur kids when we are out and about. Leo lost about 1 pound when we were on vacation for 8 days in June. And that was at a boarding facility with vets in control.

Lauren and katiesmom - I hope you can find good things to do, in the following days to have some fun.

 

[Red & Rover (GA)]

It's hard, sometimes, to look through the window and watch life go by while you sit inside keeping life alive.

Lauren - I hope you had a good time at the pub, and you can't beat milk and cookies.
Katiesmom - a lot of people would give their first born (not their cat, obviously) to just catch a glimpse of Macca, let alone half a concert. He puts on a fab show. Was he playing his psychedelic piano?

 

[Chris & China (GA)]

It's hard, sometimes, to look through the window and watch life go by while you sit inside keeping life alive.

And then they bat at our toes under the blankets, trip us on the way to the food bowls and demand our attention when our favorite show is on TV....and then they put their furry little heads against ours, let out a wonderful purr and it's all worth it

 

[katiesmom]

It's hard, sometimes, to look through the window and watch life go by while you sit inside keeping life alive.

Lauren - I hope you had a good time at the pub, and you can't beat milk and cookies.
Katiesmom - a lot of people would give their first born (not their cat, obviously) to just catch a glimpse of Macca, let alone half a concert. He puts on a fab show. Was he playing his psychedelic piano?

LOL. Yep, he had his piano. He does put on a fabulous show, we saw him 15 years ago too. But I missed most of the half we were there due to my crying.
Stupid me. I am just so mad at myself, I know most anyone would have loved our seats and been happy. And I wanted to to be there, I was just so upset about Katie, everything just got to me. We had looked forward to this concert for a long time, probably our last chance to see him ( he hadnt been in our area in 15 years).
And I have only been averaging about 2 hours sleep a day for weeks too, that doesnt help. Very angry at myself for losing it at that particular moment. I swear I have gotten more emotional as I have grown older. Oh well, water on the bridge now. Important thing is Katie is okay

 

[Red & Rover (GA)]

LOL. Yep, he had his piano. He does put on a fabulous show, we saw him 15 years ago too. But I missed most of the half we were there due to my crying.
Stupid me. I am just so mad at myself, I know most anyone would have loved our seats and been happy. And I wanted to to be there, I was just so upset about Katie, everything just got to me. We had looked forward to this concert for a long time, probably our last chance to see him ( he hadnt been in our area in 15 years).
And I have only been averaging about 2 hours sleep a day for weeks too, that doesnt help. Very angry at myself for losing it at that particular moment. I swear I have gotten more emotional as I have grown older. Oh well, water on the bridge now. Important thing is Katie is okay

Priorities. Glad Katie is okay as well. I think I saw Macca on that tour. It's been about fifteen years. First saw him years ago - Seattle 1976 Wings Over America - when general seating was still a thing. Was very close to the stage. And we were once driving on the main street in a small town, and there was a woman with no top on walking along the side of the road. While we were trying to figure that out, Ringo Starr's tour bus (had stars and rings on the front of it) went by - which explained the topless woman, we like to think.

 

[Lauren & Eliot]

Sorry to drop that story and then peace out, wasn't my intention! Apparently panic attacks take it out of you and I pretty much worked what I could yesterday and went to bed early. <3

@JeffJ Oh, that cat owns me, completely, and it's worth it. I got him before B and I were living together and was a little nervous that Eliot would get possessive, but nope. B is now wrapped around his little claw, too, and offered to make Eliot cat food if he didn't start eating properly.

As for his chart and getting more readings, today is curve day! My vet has been pretty... stubborn? Is the nicest word I can think of? About giving Eliot a full two weeks of 1U before doing a curve and adjusting his dose, despite how solidly he is in the red/pink. I send in his chart tonight, so hopefully they come back with the same thing I'm thinking - up his dose, start tighter regulating - or we're looking for a new vet. Vet loyalty is just not worth not giving him the best possible chance of remission, end of story.

So, probably not "fun", but I'm at home with him - self employed, on medical leave, now medical leave plus kitty medical leave, ha - so it's going to be kitty snuggles and video games today.

@katiesmom Thank you so much for your story, I know that must have been tough, but it really helped knowing I'm not the only one. I've been reading your posts - nothing helpful to contribute, but I'm reading! - and am thinking good thoughts your way. We really do love the fluffy butts.

@Red & Rover (GA) It is hard. The alternative is just Not Acceptable to me, even in the slightest, but this is going to be a tough adjustment and self medicating with cookies and wine. (In the best way, of course.) And I'm loving these Paul McCartney stories!! I've never see him live, which is a shame, as I adore him.

@Chris & China Exactly. He's currently stolen my pillow, pressed up against my hip, and purring like a motorboat, and there is nothing I would not do for him.

 

[JeffJ]

I think it's good to be owned by cats. But sometimes I wish for more flexibility. I used to travel a lot. Now it's pretty much hard to travel at all.

I agree with you on the vet. Low carb food and food amount are also good controls for diabetes. It can be a hard formula to refine - the right amounts to maintain weight, combined with some insulin.

 

[Lauren & Eliot]

@JeffJ I know what you mean. It's worth it, but yeah, we're travellers, too. We've always had his "cat aunt" come stay with him, but her job doesn't allow for consistently timed shots. This is going to a tough adjustment.

We'll make this work no matter what but we are really hoping that he does well with low carb food. Finding a pet sitter in the area who knows how to test and do insulin makes things easier, but as my story tells, it's not the same as being there!

Speaking of which... test time!

 

[Callie & Patches]

I don't get out much anymore except for Dr. visits or grocery shopping. A few weeks ago I had to go shopping with my daughter and future daughter in law for things for the wedding plus going out to lunch. I wasn't able to test except AMPS and PMPS. I really hate being gone.

I try to arrange my schedules around Callie. I need to get some injections in my spine, it means I am not supposed to bend over for several days. My hubby will have to pick up all 6 pets, feed them, pick up the bowls and such. Luckily, Callie will jump up on the table so I can test her and give her a shot. I have been putting off this procedure for over a month. I don't like not picking up my furbabies.