(((((dd))))
i've spent the last couple of days praying and searching for the right words to say - words that you can hear and understand.
again, it would be better for everyone if you brought up issues that are important to you in person rather than over facebook messaging. written words more easily cause misunderstandings.
honey, if i followed your logic here, we would've never helped you leave your adoptive family's house and taken you into our family. you were their daughter, not ours. they had chosen you years before and promised to take care of you in that process. but although i'm certain they meant to, they weren't able to - and you wanted to come and live with us. we helped you because we believed that was what you needed in order to thrive.
i know when you chose anya you had every intent of keeping her and taking care of her. you know we didn't want another cat here, but you wanted her so badly we said yes.
when it was time for you to move out, you chose an apartment that didn't allow pets. because we expected you to be gone to school all day & anya would've been left alone, and the apartment was close to us, we supported you in that choice. when we said you could leave her with us, and you agreed to come home every sunday and then wednesday to take care of her, we both meant that. but time has passed - you say you miss her, but you've had an entire year to come and spend time with her and you've come a handful of times. actions speak louder than words. if i didn't specifically ask you to take care of her while you were here, you didn't. i've changed her box, washed her messes, taken her to the vet, gotten the special food for her diarrhea, combed her hair, taken her to the groomers to get her behind shaved - and even with that i still think of her as your cat.
love is a verb, DD, not a feeling. it's showing up day after day and putting the priorities of the one you love first. feelings change, but love shows up. anya's a living being - and what is best for her has to be the priority - not what you or i want.
she and punkin have become a bonded pair. nearly every morning there is either wrestling or face washing going on between them. anya closes her eyes when she washes punkin's face because his wild old man whiskers poke her. so she sticks out her tiny little tongue and leans in with her eyes closed, giving him a few teeny delicate swipes. then he takes a turn, and he sticks out his giant tongue and he thoroughly scrubs her. then they lay down against each other and sleep for a while, totally content.
splitting them up would make them both grieve. the day i got this message from you, someone posted on the cat forum asking for help for her cat because the sibling cat had died and the surviving cat had stopped eating. i know they are "only" cats, but they feel - she and punkin love each other very much, and they would grieve if they were separated. if she were given the choice, in your heart, i think you know what she would choose.
sometimes love means letting go. i hope you love her enough that you can see that what's best for her is letting her stay here with punkin. you can come and see her anytime, just as you could've come anytime in the past year since you moved out.
i know you want her, but i don't think this is the right time in your life to have a pet. if your job works out you'll be gone most of every day. you are very much still in transition - and while we can hope that everything works out with your mom, it will take time to tell that. we hoped things would work with your grandma & dad. we hoped things would work out at school. sometimes things don't work out as we plan.
anya is expensive to take care of - if she didn't have her special food she would have diarrhea again. the vet said that kitties who've had chronic diarrhea as little ones often never get over it - and i think anya's one of them. her intestines have been damaged by it. it costs several dollars every day to feed her, not to mention that she would need another round of vaccines if she were to move.
but that's not really the issue. i just think you need to hold off on having a pet as you go through this time of life figuring out what you are doing. give yourself some time to grow up a little and settle down. but especially, i hope that loving anya you will put her needs first and understand why she needs to stay here.
much love, julie
