Hey guys, I updated his spreadsheet with how he has been doing. I kept thinking I’ll write an update but don’t have it in me. His body condition is deteriorating although his appetite and behavior is up and down, but nowhere near baseline. I don’t know the end point time wise, I can’t understsnd what he’s telling me - it seems he has given up a long time ago, and the most frustrating part is we don’t know why this is happening. I’m holding all his cardiac meds right now because he’s not having trouble breathing at this moment and he really hates getting the oral meds. I don’t want to keep torturing him and the internist agreed. She agreed that at this point, less is more. I’m worried about underlying cancer, and if that’s the case, I wish I knew because I would stop trying so hard and just let him be. This really sucks, I’m crying every day, it’s hard to just get out of bed. I have to get up a half hour earlier to encourage him to eat every morning, which often leaves me frustrated. So that’s where we are. I’ve been reading a lot on the grief support forum.
