Hi Deb. I have been reading all your posts and studying your spreadsheets for a long time now. I have complete admiration for your care, commitment and tenacity. Lucian is so lucky to have you while he is battling this horrible, horrible disease. Lucian certainly did not sign up for this and neither did you. I can certainly understand where you are coming from.
As a newbie, I feel guilty for feeling the same way as you do, but I do. I am especially feeling guilty when I see all the veterans who are involved in this forum, like you, who care for diabetic kitty's for many years, who deal with very complex issues and those who care for multiple diabetic cats. I think about how can you all continue to care for your kitties, all the while helping others? As I read and read, I am amazed of all what you do. I wonder when do you find the time to sleep? I am so very tired and can't imagine how you all feel especially after 18 months.
It makes me mad too because I can't go out and do the things that I love to do like hike, go on backpacking trips, bike, volunteer, visit friends, etc. I get frustrated because no matter what I do, I can't seem to make him better. A few weeks ago, I was at my niece's graduation and in the middle of the ceremony, I had to borrow my son-in-law's truck to go home early because I realized that I forgot to leave food out for Merlin. He probably would have lived yet I felt I needed to go home. Yesterday, I went to an expo in Prescott, AZ which is 75 minutes away. If I would have received a low +4 number, I would have stayed home. I hate that this disease (not Merlin) is tying me down to this house. But then every once in a while, I get a glimmer of hope, something that might seem little to others outside this forum; like walking on his toes, a good AMPS number, a good nadir and of course the ultimate hope that maybe one day Merlin too, would get that "OTJ" next to his post. We all probably know that this is unlikely to some kitties and probably Merlin too, so our goal becomes wanting to make them more comfortable with whatever little time we have with them.
With all that said Deb, you do need to find time for yourself. This is for your health, sanity and for Lucian. It may be something little like picking a day where you feel comfortable and just skip testing all together (except for pre-shot time) or maybe just test once. A weekend retreat probably sounds completely impossible at this time but maybe there is someone out there that would be willing to watch over Lucian. Maybe checking with a high school or technical school to find a student that is interested in being a vet tech. I see there are quite a few vet tech schools in NC like Miller Motte Technical school. They have 17 locations in NC & TN and they have online classes so maybe you can call them to see if they can suggest someone that is near you. I also found this link that provides a list of vet tech schools in NC:
http://www.citytowninfo.com/employment/ ... h-carolina. Maybe there is a vet tech at your own veterinary office that would be interested or they might have a responsible friend that would be interested.
I recently was gone for four days and my husband cared for Merlin. Before my trip, he wanted nothing to do with the testing, shots, etc. He didn't want to know what I did until two days before I left. I was so nervous. I knew that he was not going to do everything the way I did it but then I resigned my self to think that Merlin was going to be okay and live through it. I called my husband to check on the numbers and doses. I was able to check out his spreadsheet as he updated it. I actually enjoyed myself the last two days. Everything turned out okay.
I wish I could give you a magical solution to make you feel better. Of course there are choices on how we handle this disease, but I think we all know that we wouldn't choose any other direction or do anything different than what we are doing today. Know that Lucian is doing well today because of all your care in the past 18 months.
