Barb and Tori
Member Since 2009
Our last post: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=39177
Hi everybody. This seems so strange posting without a BG reading to report. It feels a bit awkward. I'm really not sure how those of us with GAs are supposed to post. But anyway I just wanted to tell you all how much I appreciate the outpouring of love that I have felt from Lantus land especially the last few days. It has been truly amazing and has given me the strength to go on which I'm not totally sure I would have had with out you all.
The last two days have been incredibly hard. I can not deny that. But it's funny a lot of the time I have felt a real sense of peace. I know that it was Tori's time to leave this world. SHe was ready and as you all told me she did tell me so clearly when it was time. There was no mistaking it even for a heartbroken Mom like me who really didn't want to let go. I had to though and I knew it. I will never forget though after she had passed how absolutely beautiful she looked. I was holding her in my arms like a baby like I always did and it was as if she was looking at me with all the love in the world. SHe was my baby girl again. No more sickness , no more pain.
So I think I am doing OK. As OK as I can be I guess. It has been the small things that have sent met into bouts of crying like walking into the kitchen and glancing out the window at Tori's tree in the backyard, remembering how she would run around the yard a full tilt gaining up enough speed and the scaling the tree. She even did that after she started receiving her chemo for the lymphoma. My strong , brave girl.
Thursday, the day she past was a dismal snowy day. Yesterday was all bright and sunny and warmer than it has been for a long time. Some people were even walking around with out coats. I couldn't help but think that this was Tori's way of telling me that she arrived at the Bridge OK. Last night I swore I saw her shadow walk by. It couldn't have been the boys. They were both in the room with me.
My boys Rocky and Malachi seem to be a bit lost- especially Rocky. He loved Tori so much and he's been wandering the house at times looking for her. They have both stayed very close to me especially when the house is quiet. I was very worried how Ayanna would do. Oh the faith and trust of a little one. SHe is doing very well. SHe knows that Tori has gone to Kitty Heaven and that she isn't sick anymore and that she is happy and that Kitty Heaven is a wonderful place and she is good with that. Malachi has taken over the bed time ritual of the bedtime story. He doesn't lie as still as Tori did or stay as long but he is helping fill the gap.
Tonight all the kitties will gather to celebrate the Full Moon. How Tori loved those parties. I am so glad that they will be going to the Veil to visit tonight and to honor my baby girl. SHe will like that. I would ask three things of the kitties tonight. The first is Rocky and Malachi would like to come along. The second is that tonight when they are having their dinner that they raise their glasses to Tori and celebrate a life well lived. The third is that the Kitty choir sings Somewhere Out There. I used to sing that to Tori all the time and it was very special to us.
Boy I sure can ramble can't I? Thank you if you have manged to read all of this. By the way you won't be getting rid of me anytime fast. I plan to stay and hopefully help the newbies. I think Tori would want me to. In a few days I'm still planning to tell her story and yes those pictures will be coming. I'm just so terribly computer challanged. I am waiting for KIna to help me. That is why I have never had her avatar set up.
That's it for now. Have a wonderful Caturday. Party on Kitties!!!!
Hi everybody. This seems so strange posting without a BG reading to report. It feels a bit awkward. I'm really not sure how those of us with GAs are supposed to post. But anyway I just wanted to tell you all how much I appreciate the outpouring of love that I have felt from Lantus land especially the last few days. It has been truly amazing and has given me the strength to go on which I'm not totally sure I would have had with out you all.
The last two days have been incredibly hard. I can not deny that. But it's funny a lot of the time I have felt a real sense of peace. I know that it was Tori's time to leave this world. SHe was ready and as you all told me she did tell me so clearly when it was time. There was no mistaking it even for a heartbroken Mom like me who really didn't want to let go. I had to though and I knew it. I will never forget though after she had passed how absolutely beautiful she looked. I was holding her in my arms like a baby like I always did and it was as if she was looking at me with all the love in the world. SHe was my baby girl again. No more sickness , no more pain.
So I think I am doing OK. As OK as I can be I guess. It has been the small things that have sent met into bouts of crying like walking into the kitchen and glancing out the window at Tori's tree in the backyard, remembering how she would run around the yard a full tilt gaining up enough speed and the scaling the tree. She even did that after she started receiving her chemo for the lymphoma. My strong , brave girl.
Thursday, the day she past was a dismal snowy day. Yesterday was all bright and sunny and warmer than it has been for a long time. Some people were even walking around with out coats. I couldn't help but think that this was Tori's way of telling me that she arrived at the Bridge OK. Last night I swore I saw her shadow walk by. It couldn't have been the boys. They were both in the room with me.
My boys Rocky and Malachi seem to be a bit lost- especially Rocky. He loved Tori so much and he's been wandering the house at times looking for her. They have both stayed very close to me especially when the house is quiet. I was very worried how Ayanna would do. Oh the faith and trust of a little one. SHe is doing very well. SHe knows that Tori has gone to Kitty Heaven and that she isn't sick anymore and that she is happy and that Kitty Heaven is a wonderful place and she is good with that. Malachi has taken over the bed time ritual of the bedtime story. He doesn't lie as still as Tori did or stay as long but he is helping fill the gap.
Tonight all the kitties will gather to celebrate the Full Moon. How Tori loved those parties. I am so glad that they will be going to the Veil to visit tonight and to honor my baby girl. SHe will like that. I would ask three things of the kitties tonight. The first is Rocky and Malachi would like to come along. The second is that tonight when they are having their dinner that they raise their glasses to Tori and celebrate a life well lived. The third is that the Kitty choir sings Somewhere Out There. I used to sing that to Tori all the time and it was very special to us.
Boy I sure can ramble can't I? Thank you if you have manged to read all of this. By the way you won't be getting rid of me anytime fast. I plan to stay and hopefully help the newbies. I think Tori would want me to. In a few days I'm still planning to tell her story and yes those pictures will be coming. I'm just so terribly computer challanged. I am waiting for KIna to help me. That is why I have never had her avatar set up.
That's it for now. Have a wonderful Caturday. Party on Kitties!!!!
