10/15 Kasha PMPS 167 Appt at the Bridge tomorrow

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kryskat

kryskat

Member Since 2010
I think today is going to be our next to last day together. I think tomorrow might be the day. I already called to see if her regular vet is going to be working tomorrow and she is.

This morning, she was following me from room to room. I force fed some small portions twice before leaving for work. I left later than usual because she wanted to go out. She went down all the stairs too quickly, almost fell, and then sat in front of the door to the front porch. So, we went out and she walked around. Walked slowly down the driveway, stopping to rest for a while, then continuing down to the backyard, where she hasn't been in a long, long time. I think she was checking out her domain... maybe taking it all in one last time. Then she walked slowly back to the front of the house and went up the steps to the porch. I finally had to pick her up and take her upstairs. She made a break for it again when I tried to leave and tried to get out again. I don't know if she just wanted out or if she wanted to go with me. I carried her up the stairs and put her on the couch and left before she could follow.

She's filling up with fluid again - you can see her abdomen looking fuller and fuller. She's uncomfortable.

I'm going to tell my favorite Kasha story now. I've been saving it. I probably won't do it justice, but it's all I've got.

When we adopted Kasha, my ex-BF and I would spend our vacation time traveling to Grateful Dead shows in the midwest/east coast area during the summers. Kasha came with us to at least one show. The weekend after that show, we were going to go away again and I thought we'd give her a break and leave her home that time. When I got home, I remember opening the door to the apartment and seeing something lying on the floor in front of the door. It was kind of dark in the hallway, so it took a moment to figure out what it is. It was a Barbie Doll head. Kasha had gone into the upstairs closet, I don't remember if she had to tear the head off the Barbie or not, but somehow she rummaged around and got the Barbie Doll head, took it downstairs and left it in front of the door so it was the first thing we'd see when we got home. She came over with that smug look on her face. I believe she was telling us that she didn't like us leaving her home alone. It was a warning to us - kind of a "heads will roll" sort of threat. This time the Barbie's head. Next time, one of ours.

I love that little girl more than anything.

Yesterday - including vet update
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188

Oh Krys my heart is breaking for you, but I know you're going to make the right decision for Kasha. I know how much you love her. And remember what we talked about with familiars? She'll find her way back to you.
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188

I am laughing so hard at that story Krys, through my tears...
THAT is hysterical! She really is quite a character!!!!
I am so wrong to be praying that something will change...that there is a miracle waiting?
I am praying for you both...(((((Kasha & Krys)))))
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188

Krys, I'm so sorry Kasha isn't doing better today. I know how much you love that sweet girl, and it's breaking your heart seeing her suffer. Hugs and prayers for you in the days ahead.

I love this Grateful Dead story.
She wanted you both to know you weren't doing her any favors by leaving her home.
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188

Iorwen & Tray said:
Oh Krys my heart is breaking for you, but I know you're going to make the right decision for Kasha. I know how much you love her. And remember what we talked about with familiars? She'll find her way back to you.
Click to expand...

I was trying to find that email yesterday, but there is problem with email search on Yahoo right now and I didn't find it... I know that for her to find me again, I have to let her go. But it's killing me. I've just been sitting here at work crying my eyes out. I only came in because I know I'll be taking a few days off next week if things go as I suspect they will.
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188

(((((((Krys & Kasha)))))))

Dear Krys, I feel your feelings and know your thoughts. Stu also visited his favorite spots in the garden before we left for NY. He already knew what we were just beginning to realize. Hold your Kasha dear tonight. She loves you and trusts you to make the right decision for her.
Many hugs to you both,
Ella

p.s. That is a wonderful Kasha story!
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188

(((Krys)))

Are you going to wait to hear back on the fluid analysis? I am clinging to the thought that the fluid isn't reflective of anything dire. I know how much you adore Kasha. You have been through so much together that I want her to be with you for every moment possible - no matter how long that will be.
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188

Krys, my heart aches for you, many tears reading this today. Great story about the Barbie head, though! That did bring a smile.

I know you'll do what's best for Kasha, your love for her is obvious. I was recently in your shoes, it's so hard to make that decision, but you love them too much to let them suffer. But part of me can't help but feel like Pat, hoping for the miracle...

(((Krys))) (((Kasha))) We're here to support you.
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188

many tears here for you and Kasha. hopefully the fluid results will show something treatable?? we can only hope but whatever, I know the love you have for your Kasha will let you do right by her whichever way it needs to go
hugs
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188 Tentative Appt tomorrow?

We have a tentative appt at our vet's tomorrow at 2:20 pm.

I was procrastinating about making the call. I had sent a text to on of our vet techs, who helped take care of the cats when I was away. She called me from the vet hospital and we talked - then she tentatively scheduled me for a consult tomorrow afternoon. So, it saved me from having to dial the numbers and make an appointment myself.

I have got to get a grip - my face is all red from crying and every time I get up from my desk, I feel like people are staring and it's bugging me. I want to fly under the radar right now.
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188 Tentative Appt tomorrow?

Have you heard anything about the test results yet Krys.....do you know if the vet is having a Pathologist examine the
specimen?
(((((Krys)))))
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188 Tentative Appt tomorrow?

Oh Krys, many tears reading this. I too, am anxious for a report on the fluid analysis, hoping against hope that it is treatable. But I also understand that this, on top of everything else going on with her, her not eating, wanting to see her domain, etc could be signals from her. Praying for you both, and wishing your work day passes quickly so you can get home to your sweet baby girl. It is so obvious how much you love her so enjoy her for however long you have together.
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188 Tentative Appt tomorrow?

So sorry to hear about your kitty and what you are going through.

Hugs
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188 Tentative Appt tomorrow?

((Krys))) So sorry for what you are going through! Keeping paws crossed that the appt goes well tomorrow and a miracle happens! I loved the Grateful Dead story, thanks so much for sharing! Hugs to you!
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188 Tentative Appt tomorrow?

Pat+Raja+Shadow said:
Have you heard anything about the test results yet Krys.....do you know if the vet is having a Pathologist examine the
specimen?
(((((Krys)))))
Click to expand...

Still waiting on the test results - I'm just trying to tie up loose ends so I can be prepared.

I don't know if the results went to a pathologist or what (I would assume a pathologist). My vet already looked at them under a microscope, but he was sending them on to someone else to get more info.
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188 Tentative Appt tomorrow?

(((Krys and Kasha)))
On the lighter side - regarding your story of Kasha - the fist thing I thought of when you wrote Greatful Dead concerts was - oh, she's a Dead Head. Then I read the part of Kasha getting the Barbie - dead head and got a smile from that.

Regarding Kasha - I am so sorry that the fluid is there, is returning and that you are now possibly planning for her last trip. Is there any way that the fluid is chemo reaction and it would eventually resolve/reabsorb if she isn't getting anymore chemo? Will they have the fluid results tomorrow?
You have had such a tough/horrible year with your furbabies. Having had one this year with health issues was enough to bear - I can't imagine being in your shoes. Kasha and you have a wonderful bond - it will see you through whatever you decide she needs. Holding you both close in thought and prayers, snow blizzards, vines and whatever else is needed.
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188 Tentative Appt tomorrow?

Krys, just stopping in to see how things are going. Don't give up hope just yet. You still need to get the results of the test. Who knows, it may be something that can be treatable. (((Krys & Kasha)))
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188 Tentative Appt tomorrow?

I agree with Deb...it is good that you are preparing yourself Krys...but maybe there is something that can be done....
hoping for a miracle....I know you will let us know when you hear from the vet....thinking of you today....
sending peace and strength vines your way...
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188 Tentative Appt tomorrow?

Krys, I'm with you on the crying at work. Every time I read your updates, I cry and have to keep my back turned to people walking by my office. I know its hard for you to be at work like this and if being at work helps take your mind off of Kasha don't worry about the tears. If it isn't helping, maybe you should go home and be with her. I'm still praying for a miracle.
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188 Tentative Appt tomorrow?

(((Krys))) I am soooo sorry for your pain and all you are having to go through. I hope beyond hope that a miracle will happen and they will be able
to tell you what the fluid is and that things can improve. But we are all here for you and your darling girl. Sending healing vines, comfort vines, MIRACLE vines!!

I loved your story...quite a character your girl...and so lovely. I feel sure that most of us have been through what you are going through so know we understand
and will keep you in our prayers.
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188 Tentative Appt tomorrow?

((((((((((((((((((((Krys & Kasha)))))))))))))))))))) There isn't much more I can say other than we are all praying for a miracle for your sweet baby.
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188 Tentative Appt tomorrow?

Miracles do happen. Kasha will let you know.

snow-rose.jpg
 
((( Krys and Kasha )))

I understand you're wanting to be prepared, but hoping the consultation brings alternatives to light, that the fluid will resolve and you'll have more time. Sending cyber hugs and scritches and vines for a peaceful visit for you both.
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188 Tentative Appt tomorrow?

Ele & Blackie said:
Krys, I'm with you on the crying at work. Every time I read your updates, I cry and have to keep my back turned to people walking by my office. I know its hard for you to be at work like this and if being at work helps take your mind off of Kasha don't worry about the tears. If it isn't helping, maybe you should go home and be with her. I'm still praying for a miracle.
Click to expand...

I'm going to split the difference and go home a little early (considering I came in late because she wanted to go outside).

The "consult" tomorrow is an appointment that I will only keep if I am planning to go through with... things. I really don't think my regular vet is going to have options that the IM/oncologist hasn't already considered.

Today is my BF/ex-BF's birthday. Also the day that one of my best friends died suddenly a couple of years ago. I may have to rethink October being my favorite month.
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188 Tentative Appt tomorrow?

I'm glad you can go home early, Krys. I guess I'm still hoping/praying for a miracle, because your description of Kasha lately has seemed like she is still happy and full of life. I know that sometimes they don't know how sick they are and that's when it is especially hard for us. I wish I could be there to give a real hug, but know that we are all here for you. ((((((HUGS))))))
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188 Tentative Appt tomorrow?

(((Krys))) My thoughts and will be with you and Kasha tomorrow. Your decisions are all guided by your deep love for her, and I think she knows that. Thank you for sharing your stories. This one made me smile through the tears.
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188 Tentative Appt tomorrow?

(((((Krys)))))) you are so in tune with Kasha that I know you will be able to see what she wants you to do.

Thank you for the story. Kasha sure is full of tortitude. I think telling these stories is a tradition that should continue.
 
I'm so sorry to see this Krys. I haven't been around much to chime in and offer support, but I know how much you love your Kasha and how heartbreaking this must be for you. I'll be praying for you tonight and tomorrow.
 
Re: 10/15 Kasha AMPS 188 Tentative Appt tomorrow?

Yesterday's Vet Report of the complete remission sounded hopeful and that she was feeling more comfortable.
kryskat said:
He said he could hospitalize her, but why, when he knew I could care for her myself at home. The exit info sheet I get when I leave says:

Diagnosis: Lymphoma - nasal - complete remission
Abdominal effusion - concern for carcinomatosis

I was instructed to give her 100 ml squids daily and continue the metoclopramide. He said that he didn't want to prescribe a diuretic, because it wasn't that kind of fluid - or rather, the cause wasn't something a diuretic could really help. It would only dehydrate her. He asked if I could continue to force feed her and I said yes - but obviously she snacked by herself on kibble at dinner.

She's a much smaller cat now than she was when we left. She seems more comfortable at least.
Click to expand...
I do hope that there is something the vets can do about the fluid filling.

The fact that she was so anxious and wanted to be with you so bad, today, is heartbreaking.
I hope that a miracle is still in store for your Kasha. I know you love her very much.
Sending all my positive thoughts to Kasha and healing white light to whatever is troubling her abdomen
HealingWhiteLight.jpg

:YMHUG: to you, Krys.
 
Well, she is very restless. When I got home from work, she went outside and kept going up to the car doors. So, I opend the driver's door and she hopped in. Went into the back next to her carrier and lay down. We sat there for a while... Then I got out and she still didn't want to leave the car. She seemed disappointed when I opened the door and she was still at home.

So, I tested her and gave her shot while she was in the car. But I did bring her onto the front porch to force feed a little dinner. She was crying to go back out again.

The vet finally called - the fluid shows malignancies. It's unclear exactly what kinds of cancerous cells they are, but the only means to treat it would be to inject chemo into her abdomen. In addition to treating her lymphoma. And he said we couldn't expect results like we had with the lymphoma - they would have to keep draining her abdomen because the fluid is accumulating too quickly. All in all - I told him we had an appointment with our regular vet tomorrow ... and he said he thought that was a fair decision. He said considering her quality of life, it's a decision made for her, not for me. He kept saying he was so sorry - but I thanked him for giving us another month to spend together.

I'd asked for something to make her more comfortable tonight - he got us some bupe and I drove out there to pick it up. Kasha was eager to go in the car and I was going to take her for a drive anyway. We drove out there (1/2 hour) and got the bupe. I gave her some and then we took a long way back - all in all, we were in the car for 1 - 1 1/2 hours - and I still had to convince her to get out at home. She's right now at the bottom of the steps, wanting to go back out.

I think her bags are packed and she's ready to go.

Her appointment is at 2:20 pm tomorrow (Eastern time). Please light a candle and keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I'll be posting some more, but I have to get this info out.

I remember another Kasha story, just a little one: Kasha was such a mooch for food. She wanted to try everything I ate. Once I was eating pizza and I'd sprinkled hot pepper flakes on it. She was begging so I held the pizza out to her for her to sniff. She jumped back and closed one eye - a tiny pepper flake had fallen off into her eye. That had to burn. Back then, Kasha was pretty tough to handle - even the vet had trouble (think long leather gloves and Kasha would still try to go for their eyes!). But she let me open her eye and pull out the little flake. She just always trusted me to help her out, I guess.

Oh - she's crying and crying to go out...
 
Kyrs - I am sorry to be reading this. There just aren't words to express the sadness that I feel. I do know you will make the right choice. I am so very very sorry. Mannie and I will light many candles to help guide Kasha's way.
 
((((Krys)))) I am so sorry. I know your heart is breaking. It does really sound like her bags are packed with her wanting to go in the car. I hope you can find some peace tonight. You are giving her the greatest gift of all, you are freeing her from pain and suffering. I will light a candle for Kasha and I know many of our fur babies will be at the bridge to welcome her.
 
Oh Krys, how very very sad. I will be thinking of you two, and will light candles to help Kasha find her way. I too, think the story tradition is a good one, and should stay. I don't know what else to say. I know how deeply you are hurting.
 
Dear, lovely Kasha, Don't be afraid. Big White Cat and your LL friends Bear Man, Tuscany, Latte, and I, and all of the other GAs will be at the Bridge to help you cross. Comfort your mamabean tonight and help her to know how much you love her and how much you thank her for always being there for you. And tell her that you will always be there with her.
Your friend,
Stu
 
I've been taking tons of redundant pics and videos of her since yesterday. I even recorded her voice when she was crying at the door.

Anyway - I've been uploading those pics and if anyone wants to take a look, here's the link:

Pics of Kasha - 14 - 15 October 2010

Let me know if there is a problem with the link, my brain isn't working too well and I might have skipped some crucial step. I'm continually uploading more pics from my phone, and I warn you - a lot of them look exactly the same... It's amazing how alert and beautiful she looks - she doesn't look sick at all, as long as you aren't watching her walk or refuse to eat... She looks as sardonic and beautiful as ever.
 
((( Krys and Kasha )))

I'm so sorry it has come to this. She sounds very active tonight. I'm glad her last night with you she is alert and active. I'll be sure to light a candle for her tomorrow. There are so many kitties waiting for her. (( Krys and pretty Kasha ))
 
(((Krys)))
I am so sorry. Kasha has always had a mind of her own and she seems to know what she wants.
I am so sad for both of you but I know you have given Kahsa a great life and fought so hard along with her to keep her healthy and happy.

I loved the Barbie head story.
 
There is so much love surrounding you and Kasha, from all of us. Wherever Kasha's journey takes her tomorrow, she will not be alone, and neither will you.

Sending you hugs, and white light. Wishing you strength, as you are strong for your sweet girl.
 
(((Krys))) (((Kasha))) Kasha will be with you in your heart forever. Because you love her so much, you will find the strength to release her from illness and pain.

" They are gone from our sight...
but never our memory,
gone from our hearing...
but never our hearts,
gone from our touch...
but their presence is felt,
and the love that they gave us
never departs."
 
She is gorgeous....I love the pix of the leaf on her back. This is never an easy decision but one you make for Kasha....
Jez, Sass and I have a candle flickering in honor of Kasha and to help her cross tomorrow. Give her lots of hugs and kisses tonight and
she will let you know....it's okay.

Debie & Jezebel

candle.jpg
 
(((Krys)))
I am so sorry. I was holding on to the hope that there was a miracle here and I'm in tears for you and Kasha. From everything you have told us about Kasha, she is a girl with a mind of her own who knows what she wants. You are her bean -- the bean that understands her. And true to form, you knew something was amiss.

I am a firm believer that our cats tell us when it is their time. My Georgie told me and as much as it broke my heart, I knew. Kasha has been telling you that it's time to go. It is her time to start on a different journey - one where she will be free of vet visits and chemo and seeing you worried about her and in tears. Even though it breaks your heart, she is trying to spare you both a great deal of pain.

There will be candles to light her way. There will be LL kitties and the civvie GAs that have been a part of our lives to greet Kasha and keep her happy and safe at the Bridge until you are reunited. And we will be here for both you and Kasha.
 
Krys, I am so sorry.

It was lovely of you to share your funny story of 'dead head' super fan, Kasha, and the Barbie doll. Your photos are wonderful and I watched the slide-show twice in a row.
Such a beautiful little angel, Kasha. I will be thinking of you all day tomorrow. Sending Peace and warmth to your heart.

((((((Many heartfelt hugs to you.))))))
 
Krys, I am so, so sorry to hear of Kasha's diagnosis and your very difficult decision to help her ease from this plane. My heart aches for you. Thank you for sharing her stories with us. I have always loved her picture...I could tell just from that, that she was a very special girl.

I'll be sending positive light your way tomorrow afternoon. Safe passage for your little girl and strength for you at this difficult and very sad time.

((((Krys, Kasha)))
 
There's a book I loved when I was younger - it was a really cute children's book named The Little Fur Family by Margaret Wise Brown and illustrated by Garth Williams (Harper & Row, 1946).

The pics always reminded me of Kasha in some way - the funny look on her face when she's sleepy...

Here's my favorite one:

littte.jpg


Then he caught a little tiny tiny fur animal
The littlest fur animal in the world
It had warm silky fur and
even a little fur nose.
So he kissed it right on its little fur nose
and put it gently back in the grass
and the little tiny tiny fur animal
ran down a hole into the ground.

Then later in the book, there is a goodnight song that I want to sing to Kasha tonight:

Sleep, sleep, our little fur child,
Out of the windiness,
Out of the wild.
Sleep warm in your fur
All night long,
In our little fur family.
This is a song.
 
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