08/01 Mister AMPS 327, +2 284, +4 307, PMPS 291, +2 258, +4 278

[Elizabeth & Mister]

07/18 Mister AMPS 127, +1 114, +2 74, +3 81, +9 181

It's been awhile since I've posted, I didn't mean to be away for this long but I needed some time. I've been struggling lately but I'm hoping to get back in the swing of things here. I've really missed keeping up with everyone too

There's some gaps in Mister's SS from days I didn't have the energy to open my computer...I tried to fill in the blanks but unfortunately I left the dates off of some of the handwritten notes I was keeping. I'm having some trouble determining the best dose to have him on. For awhile I wondered if 3.25u was too much, considering his early big drops and the fact that I would panic and feed him when I'd see his numbers getting lower, especially if they were dropping quickly, so his nadirs at a glance have not been the best indication of things since I think he would have went lower had I not been stepping in to feed and steer so often. The times he's dropped below 50 has always been when I've missed a test and therefore was not feeding him to slow him down. But now he's seeing higher numbers so I'm just confused. And very, very exhausted. I really don't like these pink numbers. I don't want to do anything that puts him at risk of staying high since he's had a history of ketones and was very close to DKA when first diagnosed, but also I need to be able to handle things better and sleep at night since I think being so sleep deprived kickstarted a lot of the issues I've been having lately. So I think it's time for a new plan. I would appreciate any insight and guidance. @Marje and Gracie

I've missed you all, I hope everyone is well and having a nice weekend
Here is Mister this morning, showing off his latest Amazon box.

 

[Connie & Parker & Moonie]

Welcome back!!!! I’ve missed reading your updates and seeing Mister’s silly little face!

He looks so proud of himself in that box

So we had a similar “come to Jesus” moment a few days ago - I was so exhausted physically and Moonie was getting so exhausted of the pokes that she started fighting me on it. I’m going to find the condo after I post this comment and link it - because people gave some really good advice that helped me a lot and made me cry.

We ended up cutting her dose by 0.25u for a few days where I could do minimal tests so it was like a mini reset / break for me and Moonie. It’s probably not the right time to try this if Mister is seeing pinks, but it might be something to consider once you’ve got him seeing mostly blues and greens.

Anyway excited to see you two back!!!

Edit - this is the condo in question. It started the condo before with a really thoughtful kind comment from Marje.
7/28 Moonie AMPS 97, +2 80, +6 122, PMPS 123, +2.5 160

 

[Sara & Khloe]

Elizabethhhhhh!!
I’ve missed my sweet friend and Mister Man is looking extra handsome today in his Amazon box!

I wouldn’t sweat the gaps too much, but if they bother you, you could try looking at the meter memory (Relion Platinum has memory, not sure about the Premier but worth a try!)

I hope you can find a dose soon that works for both you & Mister.
Again, missed you both! Give Mister & Calliope some head pats from me!

 

[JoM]

Its so nice to see you here again. Ive been thinking about you and Mister. When Karamelle gets higher I usually try and ease off the testing, so I can regroup and get some things done and rest. Im sure Marje will have some great advice as always. And I also love looking back at Connies condo's because she asks such great questions. As do you! Hang in there. Still new to this, I understand how overwhelming it must feel. Believe me, with time, you will get used to the craziness of it all.

 

[Wendy&Neko]

Hello and glad you stopped in for a visit. Back when I started, we had a few people who stopped in on Saturdays and gave us Caturday reports. Mostly so we could catch up and not worry too. Don't feel the need to post every day, but we do like periodic updates on your cute guy. Plus anytime you have questions.

He did get to an 88 on this dose. Today is cycle six after that. If he doesn't see green again by tomorrow, you could increase. That is, if you think TR is still right for you. That is entirely your decision. Occasionally when Neko had kept me up late many nights, I would take her dose down a bit for a couple nights so I could get a good rest, then increase back when I was refreshed again. You have to take care of you and be healthy so you can take care of your cat.

Speaking of healthy, are you continuing to test for ketones?

I'm wondering if we could brainstorm some things to help you test less, but still keep him safe. And hence get you more sleep. For example, after last night's 175 he was on his way and I would have skipped the +9 test. I'm glad you stopped testing today at +4.

When you get those blocks of time you don't have to test, it's really important to find some time for Elizabeth. One of the members around here called it a "permission slip". Whether it's going for a walk or hike, spoiling yourself with coffee with friends or a shopping trip or movie, doing some crafts, just something that helps you forget about FD for a while. I live a couple blocks away from the woods and I would put on my hiking shoes when Neko gave me a pass. Sometimes I'd get out my sewing, and of course Neko would "help". It's also important to have fun play or non FD related activities for with your cat. Like brushing or just lap cuddles.

 

[Elizabeth & Mister]

Hello and glad you stopped in for a visit. Back when I started, we had a few people who stopped in on Saturdays and gave us Caturday reports. Mostly so we could catch up and not worry too. Don't feel the need to post every day, but we do like periodic updates on your cute guy. Plus anytime you have questions.

He did get to an 88 on this dose. Today is cycle six after that. If he doesn't see green again by tomorrow, you could increase. That is, if you think TR is still right for you. That is entirely your decision. Occasionally when Neko had kept me up late many nights, I would take her dose down a bit for a couple nights so I could get a good rest, then increase back when I was refreshed again. You have to take care of you and be healthy so you can take care of your cat.

Speaking of healthy, are you continuing to test for ketones?

I'm wondering if we could brainstorm some things to help you test less, but still keep him safe. And hence get you more sleep. For example, after last night's 175 he was on his way and I would have skipped the +9 test. I'm glad you stopped testing today at +4.

When you get those blocks of time you don't have to test, it's really important to find some time for Elizabeth. One of the members around here called it a "permission slip". Whether it's going for a walk or hike, spoiling yourself with coffee with friends or a shopping trip or movie, doing some crafts, just something that helps you forget about FD for a while. I live a couple blocks away from the woods and I would put on my hiking shoes when Neko gave me a pass. Sometimes I'd get out my sewing, and of course Neko would "help". It's also important to have fun play or non FD related activities for with your cat. Like brushing or just lap cuddles.

Awww Wendy I’m so glad to hear from you, I alwaysappreciate your insight so much. I will be honest, I think what started me being nervous about lower numbers and thus start to test so much and get panicky when he would drop fast was the day I overslept and he was in the 40s when I woke up. I’ve been so on edge since then when it comes to anticipating those fast drops, worried about missing one. That’s also made me complicate things by steering him when I haven’t needed to, so I’m always wondering what his nadirs would be if I didn’t test so much. I also notice he gets really feisty when he’s in the 70 and below range, I don’t know if that’s just because his body isn’t as used to those numbers, or maybe it’s not even a bad sign and he’s actually feeling good and I’m reading it wrong, but it’s a change I see in him. By feisty I mean doing things like picking on the other cats, tail swatting, not wanting to be touched, growling when I pick him up, etc. I also start to overthink the variance so I have 3 Relion meters () to double check and I’ve just let myself get so anxious about it all, which makes me feel guilty because obviously I want him to be at his best, healthy and happy.

The bounces drive me crazy, I haven’t seemed to be able to prevent them. His last stretch of numbers without a bounce was on a much higher dose, but I was also feeding him a lot of HC to keep him steady in those numbers. I was working around the clock, it was too much. I’ve just felt so unsure about this dose since 3.5u saw a 42 and lots of HC feedings but now he’s seeing a lot more BGs in the 300s on this 3.25u. It’s been a roller coaster. So I’ve been feeling pretty confused and defeated lately.

I haven’t tested for ketones this week, he’s been negative on every blood test up to around then so I got a bit more relaxed with those tests but I can get one. I do worry about them and still continue to add water to his meals and make sure he’s eating enough calories. I’ll add the results to his SS.

I’m not sure how to answer about continuing TR. While that’s what I’d like to be doing ideally, if I’m going to take a “safer” approach until I feel a bit steadier (I agree this is a good idea right now as much as I wish I didn’t have to feel that way), that would probably call for some things that are not in the protocol I would imagine?

Finding things to do for myself is going to be so important moving forward. Mister and the rest of the cat-dog gang are my whole world but I can’t be there for them if I’m always worrying and fretting and not getting enough sleep. I felt the exhaustion into my bones. I’m taking baby steps to get there! Thank you so much for being here and helping me feel more confident about posting and getting back on track.

 

[Seth&Bell]

Great to hear from you, Elizabeth. I also am still trying to find the balance with all Bell's intricacies. This is easier said than done, but I've slowly come around to treating Bell's bouncing as something completely out of my control (this might not be 100% true, but close enough for her). I treat it as I do the weather. Bell is constantly bouncing, but for the most part she is healthy and happy even with the swings. Outside of some extra peeing with the high BGs, it doesn't impact her health. I've slowly shifted my thinking to be relieved when she is bouncing high for a night. For me, just having a stress-free night of not having to worry about her lows is a gift. I hate having that be at the expense of her numbers, but I know she'll come back down. The constant fatigue is something that I have yet to figure out...

 

[Wendy&Neko]

If you can try to test weekly for ketones or if a longer stretch of higher numbers, hopefully that would be one less thing you need to worry about.

I agree with Seth about bounces. Somethings you just can't control in life. Bounces don't need to be controlled, they are the kitties self preservation system hard at work. I'd worry if my kitty was getting into really low numbers and not bouncing. That could mean they were used to low numbers! Once I learned to just sigh and accept bounces - and use them as a permission slip - life was easier for me. Neko's IM vet also told me that those temporary high numbers weren't doing damage, it's the prolonged high numbers you have to worry about.

Last week Marje shared Dyana's previous diabetic J.D.'s Numbers with another caregiver. He lived 9 years as a diabetic, passed a happy cat at age 20. Bouncing all the way.

If you need to take a pause on increases and catch your breath, that's OK. Some people go on holidays and keep their cat at a lower vacation dose where they know their cat will be safe while away. Pretend it's a short Elizabeth spa holiday. The worst case is he gets a little glucose toxicity and gets used to higher numbers. Getting back to doing increases will combat that.

 

[Marje and Gracie]

Hi Elizabeth! It’s great to see you and Mister! We missed you but sometimes you have to take some “me” time from the board. We all get that.

Sorry to be late to the party but it was day for me. Wendy has already given you great advice.

It’s possible he’s going to clear his bounce tonight but if his +2 is a lot higher, do min testing and rest.

It took a long time for us to adjust to the bouncing and stop chasing numbers. When cats are newly dx (under one year), we all want to push hard for remission. Every bounce really affects our own emotions. But, as many have said, we have to focus on how our kitty is feeling and take breaks for ourselves.

You might not like the pinks on this dose but one of two things might happen:
—it will be enough to get him in green but he will likely keep bouncing
—it won’t be enough but he might quit dropping low or fast and minimize his bouncing so you are ok to hold him and let the BG range in the 100s-200s. That’s ok!

Of course, Mister will probably come up with his own scenario

The hardest thing to learn is to not let his highs and lows be yours.

 

[Elizabeth & Mister]

Welcome back!!!! I’ve missed reading your updates and seeing Mister’s silly little face

My sweet friend, thank you for linking this. "I want to spend more time petting her, chasing her around the yard, and giving her belly rubs. I don’t like that most of our interactions in the past month have been tests. When I think about Moonie, I want to think first and foremost about her little sugary powder lips that come up in a smile when she sleeps in the sun, or her insane ability to creep up behind you when there’s food around. I don’t want my first thought of her to be what number she was just at."
Oh this brought tears to my eyes. Like Mary mentioned in this condo, I say out loud constantly "I don't like this. I hate this disease. Imagine how he must feel." Sometimes I'm so tired, so distracted, so anxious it takes me 3 pokes to get enough blood. And Mister just lays there, trusting me, not happy but cooperative nonetheless. And I think back to the days before his dx, before he got sick, the things we used to do together. The intereactions we had. Now almost every time I approach him, it's for a test. Or to shove food under his nose he's not even interested in eating. I don't want FD to have such a big shadow over our lives together, for however long we have together. I too have been chasing control of his diabetes at the expense of his quality of life. And it hurts my heart to know that, and to know that every decision I make has an effect on him one way or another, and I haven't been at my best lately because I've driven myself into the ground. I wish I had been here that day to read and know that I wasn't alone, to be there to tell you that you weren't either. I'm glad to be back and I'm glad you are always so courageous to post such vulernable thoughts and feelings. Sending love to you, Moons and family

 

[Elizabeth & Mister]

Elizabethhhhhh!!
I’ve missed my sweet friend and Mister Man is looking extra handsome today in his Amazon box!

I wouldn’t sweat the gaps too much, but if they bother you, you could try looking at the meter memory (Relion Platinum has memory, not sure about the Premier but worth a try!)

I hope you can find a dose soon that works for both you & Mister.
Again, missed you both! Give Mister & Calliope some head pats from me!

Its so nice to see you here again. Ive been thinking about you and Mister. When Karamelle gets higher I usually try and ease off the testing, so I can regroup and get some things done and rest. Im sure Marje will have some great advice as always. And I also love looking back at Connies condo's because she asks such great questions. As do you! Hang in there. Still new to this, I understand how overwhelming it must feel. Believe me, with time, you will get used to the craziness of it all.

Thank you both so much I've scrolled through a few times to check on everyone, but it feels really nice to hear from you all. I appreciate you being here.

 

[Connie & Parker & Moonie]

My sweet friend, thank you for linking this. "I want to spend more time petting her, chasing her around the yard, and giving her belly rubs. I don’t like that most of our interactions in the past month have been tests. When I think about Moonie, I want to think first and foremost about her little sugary powder lips that come up in a smile when she sleeps in the sun, or her insane ability to creep up behind you when there’s food around. I don’t want my first thought of her to be what number she was just at."
Oh this brought tears to my eyes. Like Mary mentioned in this condo, I say out loud constantly "I don't like this. I hate this disease. Imagine how he must feel." Sometimes I'm so tired, so distracted, so anxious it takes me 3 pokes to get enough blood. And Mister just lays there, trusting me, not happy but cooperative nonetheless. And I think back to the days before his dx, before he got sick, the things we used to do together. The intereactions we had. Now almost every time I approach him, it's for a test. Or to shove food under his nose he's not even interested in eating. I don't want FD to have such a big shadow over our lives together, for however long we have together. I too have been chasing control of his diabetes at the expense of his quality of life. And it hurts my heart to know that, and to know that every decision I make has an effect on him one way or another, and I haven't been at my best lately because I've driven myself into the ground. I wish I had been here that day to read and know that I wasn't alone, to be there to tell you that you weren't either. I'm glad to be back and I'm glad you are always so courageous to post such vulernable thoughts and feelings. Sending love to you, Moons and family

I was really touched by the kind words and stories everyone shared on that condo, and I’m grateful you understand too.

I’m really glad you’re back.

I think in some ways, I felt so out of control in so many elements of my life, especially when it came to Moonie’s diabetes, that I went overboard trying to control it. But the more I tried to control it, the more out of control I felt. Now I just try to accept that I can’t control Moonie’s numbers but I can love her and try my best to keep her a happy healthy girl.

It’s easier said than done, but it’s been helpful explicitly trying to balance the two sides vs. just chasing the lowest flattest greens possible. And seriously check out JD’s SS that Wendy linked - looking at his bounces made me feel so hopeful, that a bouncy kitty could live such a long happy healthy life.

I hope you get to enjoy more pets less pokes with Mister soon. Sending you lots of hugs!

 

[Elizabeth & Mister]

Great to hear from you, Elizabeth. I also am still trying to find the balance with all Bell's intricacies. This is easier said than done, but I've slowly come around to treating Bell's bouncing as something completely out of my control (this might not be 100% true, but close enough for her). I treat it as I do the weather. Bell is constantly bouncing, but for the most part she is healthy and happy even with the swings. Outside of some extra peeing with the high BGs, it doesn't impact her health. I've slowly shifted my thinking to be relieved when she is bouncing high for a night. For me, just having a stress-free night of not having to worry about her lows is a gift. I hate having that be at the expense of her numbers, but I know she'll come back down. The constant fatigue is something that I have yet to figure out...

I appreciate you saying this so, so much. Someone in my personal life just pointed out to me recently that I've been trying too hard to keep a sense of control over Mister's FD, and that just isn't how things work (FD or otherwise) so I know I need to learn to find a balance. Whenever I see him in the litter box for longer than usual, whenever he doesn't want to eat, whenever his numbers aren't what I expect, whenever I think he's sleeping more than usual, I feel such a pang of guilt and worry that I'm doing something wrong. But I know that's not always the case, almost nothing about this disease is that black and white. So a shift in my thinking has definitely been needed because it's just making me exhausted at the end of the day and that's not doing any good for him. While I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, it brings me comfort to know I'm not alone. Sending you and Bell so much love! For what it's worth, I think you are an amazing CG to Bell and one of the one's I really look up to here on the board.

 

[Elizabeth & Mister]

If you can try to test weekly for ketones or if a longer stretch of higher numbers, hopefully that would be one less thing you need to worry about.

I agree with Seth about bounces. Somethings you just can't control in life. Bounces don't need to be controlled, they are the kitties self preservation system hard at work. I'd worry if my kitty was getting into really low numbers and not bouncing. That could mean they were used to low numbers! Once I learned to just sigh and accept bounces - and use them as a permission slip - life was easier for me. Neko's IM vet also told me that those temporary high numbers weren't doing damage, it's the prolonged high numbers you have to worry about.

Last week Marje shared Dyana's previous diabetic J.D.'s Numbers with another caregiver. He lived 9 years as a diabetic, passed a happy cat at age 20. Bouncing all the way.

If you need to take a pause on increases and catch your breath, that's OK. Some people go on holidays and keep their cat at a lower vacation dose where they know their cat will be safe while away. Pretend it's a short Elizabeth spa holiday. The worst case is he gets a little glucose toxicity and gets used to higher numbers. Getting back to doing increases will combat that.

Wow thank you for sharing that with me, that was such a hope shot that I really needed. At the end of the day, like everyone else, I just want him to be healthy and happy, to have as much time with him as possible. I definitely need to start following his lead more, rather than making myself crazy with his FD and numbers on a meter being the center of my life every day and everything else coming second (including my own health and wellbeing). Knowing I'm his only CG, makes this even more important for me to stick with. I've always told myself if he has to be on insulin for the rest of his life, as long as his quality of life is what's coming first, I'd be okay with that. But I seem to have lost sight of that somewhere along the sea of spreadsheet colors.

Hi Elizabeth! It’s great to see you and Mister! We missed you but sometimes you have to take some “me” time from the board. We all get that.

Sorry to be late to the party but it was day for me. Wendy has already given you great advice.

It’s possible he’s going to clear his bounce tonight but if his +2 is a lot higher, do min testing and rest.

It took a long time for us to adjust to the bouncing and stop chasing numbers. When cats are newly dx (under one year), we all want to push hard for remission. Every bounce really affects our own emotions. But, as many have said, we have to focus on how our kitty is feeling and take breaks for ourselves.

You might not like the pinks on this dose but one of two things might happen:
—it will be enough to get him in green but he will likely keep bouncing
—it won’t be enough but he might quit dropping low or fast and minimize his bouncing so you are ok to hold him and let the BG range in the 100s-200s. That’s ok!
Of course, Mister will probably come up with his own scenario

His +2 is signaling to me that he's going to have a relatively flat yellow cycle tonight, very reminiscent of 7/30. Which may bring some blues tomorrow. Though I am itching to bring him up to 3.5u considering this is his 10th cycle at this dose, 7th cycle since he's seen any greens. I'm feeling more rested, I'd be okay with a late night here or there, but I think it's going to be important for me to know when it's time to slow down. Which may mean bringing the dose back down if it drops him too low or I'm chasing him around with a can of MC again. What do you think? Would it be worth staying here much longer to see if he comes down a little? Or better to raise it in the AM and see how he does tomorrow?

Of course, now that I've put the question out there, Mister may pull a wild card in the morning.

The hardest thing to learn is to not let his highs and lows be yours.

I need this written on a post-it note in every room of my house (kidding, but not really). Thank you for the gentle reminder. I appreciate you so very much

 

[Marje and Gracie]

do you think? Would it be worth staying here much longer to see if he comes down a little? Or better to raise it in the AM and see how he does tomorrow?

It depends on how you are feeling…are you rested, are you up for possible lower numbers? He’s been at this dose 11 cycles with only one dip below 100 so you have room to increase by 0.25u if you are ready….provided he doesn’t surprise us.

 

[Elizabeth & Mister]

It depends on how you are feeling…are you rested, are you up for possible lower numbers? He’s been at this dose 11 cycles with only one dip below 100 so you have room to increase by 0.25u if you are ready….provided he doesn’t surprise us.

I’m leaning toward yes I’m heading to bed now, will see how he does with it tomorrow but I’m hoping to see some lower numbers than he’s been getting the last few days. I’ll be back here tomorrow in case he pulls anything surprising on me and to keep myself grounded. Thank you Marje

 

[Seth&Bell]

I appreciate you saying this so, so much. Someone in my personal life just pointed out to me recently that I've been trying too hard to keep a sense of control over Mister's FD, and that just isn't how things work (FD or otherwise) so I know I need to learn to find a balance. Whenever I see him in the litter box for longer than usual, whenever he doesn't want to eat, whenever his numbers aren't what I expect, whenever I think he's sleeping more than usual, I feel such a pang of guilt and worry that I'm doing something wrong. But I know that's not always the case, almost nothing about this disease is that black and white. So a shift in my thinking has definitely been needed because it's just making me exhausted at the end of the day and that's not doing any good for him. While I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, it brings me comfort to know I'm not alone. Sending you and Bell so much love! For what it's worth, I think you are an amazing CG to Bell and one of the one's I really look up to here on the board.

This is very kind of you to say, Elizabeth. Sending love