4/16 Eleanor AMPS 268 +3 266 Discouraged.

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Just spent half an hour trying to update the SS and the darn thing kept freezing.

4/15 AMPS 338
+3 318
+5 269
PMPS 262 Raised dose to 2u
+5 266
4/16 AMPS 268
+3 266

I'm just so discouraged. All I do is mess her up. I really think it's obvious I'm just too stupid to do this. Now I held the dose for too long so it's harder to get the numbers down. I have no idea what I'm doing, I struggle with the no good syringes, I don't even know if I'm giving the dose I think I'm giving. I don't know how to tell if the insulin has gone bad. Eleanor runs and hides when she sees me and after two months she's no better than she was before I started shooting her. I don't know what to do.

First, stop being so hard on yourself. The learning curve is huge.

Remind me -- why are you using SLGS? It looks to me like you're able to test enough that you could use TR. That will get things moving more quickly. If you want to stick with SLGS, you should hold the dose for a total of a week. If you consider TR, you re-evaluate the dose after 3 days.

Sometimes, it looks like a dose is working -- much like the blues you were seeing at 1.25u. Sometimes, it does work and other times, you need to keep increasing until you hit a breakthrough dose. You're not the one who determines where that it. Eleanor decides. If you keep thinking you're in control of Eleanor's FD, you're going to drive yourself crazy. You are not leading in this sugar dance -- you're following.

Sienne, I wanted to do SLGS because of my own health issues, I can't go without sleep if her numbers come down super low. I also have to be able to keep medical appointments and if she has gone down to 40's or something I'm not going to want to leave her. Basically I can't depend on myself to be able to "watch" her. And now since she barely eats on her own, I'm not going to just put food down and leave or go to sleep. I also got the impression from the comments and SS's I looked at that people doing TR were testing much more often that at shot and nadir as I'm doing. I guess not though.
I guess I'm going to go ahead and reevaluate the dose after 6 cycles from now on though. What I'm doing now is ridiculous.

Julie, take a deep breath. I agree with Sienne - you're being too hard on yourself. This is a difficult disease to manage and a difficult protocol to follow, which is why so many people just give their cat one or two shots a day without any home testing. When I look at Eleanor's SS I see so many nice yellows! Take a look at Mookie's SS -- we've been at this longer and he's still every color of the rainbow. You're doing a great job with Eleanor and she's doing well, but you must be patient. :YMHUG:

Thank you Randa.

I reread your post and realized I didn't address your frustrations.
What kind of syringes are you using?
How old is your insulin?
Are you having trouble measuring the dose for a particular reason, or in general?
Are you giving Eleanor a treat with her tests?
What can we help you with that will make it easier for both of you?

Randa, I do give a Chicken treat with tests and shots.
I'm using GNP syringes now and for clarity and bubbles they are the best so far. But the markings are just so off on so many of them, same as the other brands I've tried. I don't have the money to just pick out the accurate ones and toss the rest, so I go ahead and use the ones that aren't too far off and do my best to get the correct amount. But I'm never really sure. Plus I have eye problems and even with magnification it is hard for me to focus and see.
I guess I need to get more of an "Oh well" attitude and figure I'm doing my best. But it's really hard for me to do that.

Julie, just a few thoughts… I think once you decide on a syringe, then just stay with that, so at least the syringe will be consistent, another words, even if the syringes are inaccurate when compared to another brand, as long as they are the same with each one of the same brand, then you will know that whatever number you see on the syringe is at least the same amount you gave yesterday, no matter the number, if that makes any sense.

I know with our illnesses we can get even more frustrated because we feel like crap all day, so one more thing on the list can make us very hard on ourselves. We can't fix ourselves and now we can't fix our kitties, not fun. Hang in there. I don't have advice on not sleeping though. I know that when I started getting up every two hours, my pain got a whole lot worse. I know I'm lucky that Daphne is pretty consistent and I "know my cat" now, and maybe that will make your life easier if you get to really know how Eleanor will react to whatever is going on.

OK, well forget my advice because I forgot, you did say a while back that even the same brand/box, the syringes are not accurate. I'll think about this a little more tonight, maybe I can figure something out (about how our illness effects our life and think of some way to get around it. I'll think of some of my own tricks).

I used to use the GNP syringes. They're not bad but I did end up having to throw out a number of syringes due to bubble issues. I've switched to Monoject and I'm pretty happy with them. I order through Hocks.

Let me make a practical point. Given your dedication to Eleanor, I can't imagine that if you're following SLGS and she throws you a low number that you're going to ignore it. When it comes to those times, there's really no difference between the protocols. We all do what we need to do to keep our kitties safe. Everyone is apprehensive about low numbers the first few times. However, you may find a dose that put's Eleanor is a good range and you'll want to stick with it. Not everyone has to have the goal of remission. You're the only one who can decide what is feasible given your limitations and what you know about your cat. Please do not feel pressured into setting remission as your goal. Do what's right for you.

Julie and Eleanor said:

I guess I need to get more of an "Oh well" attitude and figure I'm doing my best. But it's really hard for me to do that.

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I think this is right Julie, you are doing your best and you can't do more than that besides which I really do think you are doing a good job. You are learning as you go along and I think you are on the right track by deciding to reevaluate the dose more frequently.

I wouldn't worry about the syringes so much, just make sure you've got the air bubbles out and assume the dose is close enough to correct. I wasn't aware of any syringe issues until months after I started treating Vyktor and even since I found out I didn't see a syringe that looked bad enough not to use (I use the BD) so unless a particular syringe looks just completely wrong I wouldn't be concerned about it.

ETA: I find that when the ss freezes the best thing to do is hit the refresh button, it usually works ok for me after that.

I'm not always sure about the accuracy of the dose either, especially when I have bubble problems or if I'm adding or reducing drops. I've tried two different brands of syringes and they were both about the same. I don't have experience with Lantus going bad, but I know it must be clear and colorless. There's a sticky on proper handling that's helpful if you haven't already seen it.

I wonder if Eleanor is sensing your distress and that's why she hides. Some days Mookie doesn't want to be poked, but he loves his freeze-dried chicken treats so much I swear he'd let me do just about anything to him. I try to do something else with him, like play or brushing, after an ear poke so that there's a positive association with it, in addition to the chicken treat.

I hope the suggestions and encouragement help, Julie. We're all in this together and are here to help each other.

Hi Julie,
It is normal to get discouraged after a few months. Just try to do your best and things will improve. I agree with the others that you might try the TR approach just to see that it is not as scary as you think it is. By evaluating the dose every 6 cycles you will arrive at an optimum dose for Eleanor more efficiently. And, as Sienne remarks, you don't have to have remission (OTJ) as your goal. A well regulated cat is a goal, too.
I have found the Monoject syringes to be good. Bubbles are minimized and the lines are pretty accurate. I get the 31-gauge, with half-unit markings at American Diabetes Wholesale: http://www.americandiabeteswholesal...t-ultra-comfort-insulin-syringes_2552_178.htm

Lots of people here test the "minimum" (AMPS, PMPS and a test somewhere near the middle of each cycle). They find that it is often possible to get in a few more tests on weekends, to get a good idea of how their kitties are doing. We all do what we can and what we feel comfortable with.

So keep at it and enjoy the "dance"!

Ella & Rusty

Julie and Eleanor said:

...Plus I have eye problems and even with magnification it is hard for me to focus and see. ...

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What kind of magnifier? I found some 2X clip on magnifiers from Telesight that fasten onto my regular eyeglasses that were helpful. You may be able to combine with use of a stand magnifier, to up it a bit more. And if that doesn't do it, please see an eye doctor who specializes in low vision; some aids are prescription only.

I got my cataracts out ... but still had haze in the vitreous inside the gel, so had to use the extra magnification afterwards.

OK, Julie, after I looked at Daphne's SS to really see what I did when she was in higher numbers and then looked at Eleanor's. I have a question, what is the amount of sleep time that you can get away with without it doing much damage to your illness? For me its, 6 hours for a few days and then I need a few days of 8 hours. Any less then that, I start to really get bad. So, IMHO, and this is with not much experience, and I do want the more experienced to look at this first. Even if you raise the dose to 2u, I can't see her numbers going down so low that fast. So what if you give the 2u and get up to test for a few days to see where she is going, and if she is stable on that dose, then try sleeping longer a few morning/nights. I guess I'm trying to say, that what I do, is stock up on sleep, according to what numbers I see on Daphne, like the last week or so, I wasn't seeing any under 50's or even many under 60's. So I was stocking up on some well needed sleep and you can see I got in some 6 hours days, some even 8hr. If you need to go out, isn't there a food that Eleanor loves, even if its HC gravy, just so you can get to your appointment and back home and take it away, would she eat that?
Its hard to type this here, but maybe someone will jump in and reevaluate it from our (sick bodies) view points. Our illnesses needs sleep and I saw how it brought me down pretty bad when I was not getting enough. Also, like Sienne said

However, you may find a dose that put's Eleanor is a good range and you'll want to stick with it. Not everyone has to have the goal of remission.

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. So you can bring her numbers down and still feel like you can trust she won't go too much lower and she will be in much healthier numbers.
Like I said, though, I would want another opinion on what I just said, and maybe it won't make sense to anyone anyway. I know whats in my head but sometimes it won't come out the way I see it in my head. :?

Hi Julie,

I also think you're being much too hard on yourself. Racci didn't have so many yellows in the beginning or for a long time when she was first diagnosed! I think Eleanor is doing great for such a newbie!

I can't get up to test at night either because of pain issues. I work around it by testing in the daytime and every once in a while doing a nighttime test or going to bed extra late. I get up for her +6 every day and feed her even though I can't quite get it together to test her. I just prepare her food the way she likes it, wrap it and refrigerate so all I have to do is pull it out and microwave it. I feed her and wait while she eats and go back to bed when I know she's & ok.

I use Walgreens syringes and their half lines are a little slanted but other than that they work really well. I don't worry that much about it being exactly what the dose is as much as it being the same as the day before either, as was suggested. The important thing isn't whether you give .2 or .25 but rather that it's the same dose every day.

I also have vision problems. I find it helps to hold the syringe up to the tv screen or a wall that has the light shining on it.

There are ways to work around most problems. Discuss them with us and we'll help you work them out.

Hugs,
Melanie & Racci