The loving and lovable Ahi is an angel, March 3, 2010

A week ago, Ahi was fine. Today, Stefani had to have him euthanized. It was with deep sadness that she made this choice.

Thank you Stefani, for giving Ahi a great four months that he otherwise would not have had. And thank you for giving him a family, with cats (some more accepting than others), with which to share his final months.

[youtube]PI3mJbHJl7I[/youtube]

Ahi quickly progressed through blindness into trouble mobilizing to not eating. He saw an opthalmologist yesterday and a neurologist today. The neurologist's best guess is that Ahi had a rapidly progressing pituitary tumor. Stefani made the hardest and kindest decision to end Ahi's confusion and suffering. He passed to the rainbow bridge lying on her chest, on the heart that loved him so.

Bless you, Stefani, for taking in the tough ones. I am so very sorry your big heart keeps getting broken. I have lit a candle for the beloved Ahi, finally home at the bridge and sending you in spirit all the love he gave you in body.

 

My heart goes out for Ahi and Stefani.

 

OH NO NONONO!! Tears falling.............. (((((((((((((((((((((STEF)))))))))))))))))) I am so very sorry that you didnt have more time with Ahi. HOw fast this all happened OMG.. Wrapping you in cyber hugs. Ahi is flying free, whole and healthy over the Rainbow Bridge rb_icon
wings_cat

You are the best mommabean Ahi could have had.

 

Oh, how very sad this news is to hear. I am so so very sorry to hear that Stefani had to make this sad decision. But, it was the right one to make, as hard as it was.

I cried when I opened this post and watched the sweet video that was posted.

My heart and prayers go out to Stefani. Ahi is now at peace and playing with our other furbabies in a perfect body.

Sending many (((((HUGS))))) to Stefani, and to you, Venita for having to post this sad news.

Jean and Charcoal (GA)

 

oh no! ((stefani)) I am so sorry.

 

oh steph. sometimes things are just so unfair. I am at such a loss for words. thank you for giving AHI so much love . I am sure he had more love in the short time you have had him than his entire life. Bless you. what a lucky cat he was
fly free beautiful AHI
((((((((((STEPH))))))))))

 

(((Stefani)))

So sorry! Thank you for giving him a wonderful few months in a loving home. I loved the video - he was having a great time playing.

 

If he could talk it would have been thank you for all the years of care, the flood of tears, mounds of laughtes and at the end for making the most loving decision. ((((hugs to U )))) Maaryon

 

Oh no! This is so shocking and I'm sure no less so for Steph I'm so sad for both of them. He was such a sweetie

 

It may not seem like it, but Ahi was so very lucky.
He was lucky to find you and your compassion when he needed it most.
(((((((Stef)))))))

 

((Stefani)) I am so sorry to see this. He was so loved in the time you two shared. Fly free sweet Ahi!

 

Fly Free Sweet Ahi

 

Stef, my deepest and most heartfelt sympathy on the loss of Ahi. He will be remembered by so many. I loved watching him on the video and was so praying he would be okay. They say animals only live in the present...no yesterdays........no tomorrows.......only today.....and for four months Ahi lived in a home where he was loved......every day he felt your love....and he passed away in those arms of love. Only you know his life was too short but for Ahi it was forever. My heart goes out to you.

 

Oh Stef you have all my sympathy. That little guy went through so much but he was blessed in having your gentle hand to guide his last months.

 

Oh Steph, I'm so very sorry for your loss of little Ahi. Take comfort in knowing you loved him tenderly, and he knew it.
He left this world in the arms he loved. I'm so sorry for your pain.

 

Stefani, I am so very sorry about Ahi. Your heart is as big as the ocean and I'm so glad he was rescued by you and able to be wrapped in your love and kindness.

 

Fly free sweet Ahi.
Dana

 

((((((Stefani))))))) I am so sorry for your loss.

Fly free sweet Ahi!

 

What a lovely angel. He was blessed to have you in his final months. I can't say more, I'm about to bawl.

 

(((((Stef))))) Your heart is broken I'm sure....You saved his life and gave him love, even if it was for such a short time.

Sharing your tears this day......

You have earned your angel wings dear Ahi.....fly free.

 

So sorry.

 

Ahh Steph...tears.

 

How very sad for such a sweet kitty. Stef, you were his hero during these few months giving him your all.

I am so very sorry this happened.

Nancy

 

((((Stefani)))) My heart breaks for you, but I am so very glad there are people like you out there. Ahi lived and loved a lifetime in those few months because of you, and he will be one of the many who will greet you someday at the Bridge...

Godspeed, Ahi. You were loved and will be ever missed.

 

(((Stefani))) I am so very sorry. Know that you gave him the gift of peace, not only today, but for the last four months. Today was, unfortunately, already written when you gave him a home, but he could not have found a better place in this world to spend his last months.

Fly free Ahi.

 

((((Stefani))))

Nothing hurt so much as taking Ahi off the list of Cats in Need-sponsored diabetic kitties looking for furever homes. Ahi found his with you.

My tears fall with yours. Fly free Ahi; tonight you are the brightest star in the sky. wings_cat

 

sending sympathy and purrs and prayers. fly free, ahi!

 

I am so sorry to see this, Stef. Big, gentle, loving hearts seem to be the ones that get broken so often - you gave Ahi such a wonderful life with you and with your love.

Sometimes it seems there's more sadness than joy -

Sending many comforting prayers.

Emmy & Dude (& Mittsi too)

 

The saddest news. Bless you Steph for giving Ahi, as Jess said, your gentle hand to guide his final months.

 

OMG, I am so sorry Stef. I was hoping and praying he'd be ok. Ahi really touched my heart. Bless you for taking care of him, Stef.

 

so very sad to read this .....

((((( Stefani ))))))

he was so very lucky to have you give him so much love. I'm sorry that means you have to hurt so much now.

Safe Journey Ahi .

take care Stefani.

 

Awww, Stef, I'm so sorry. Some things just don't seem fair. Ahi was lucky to have you.

 

I am just so sorry. Thank you for giving him a home, happiness and love for these past four months. wings_cat

 

I am so very sorry

 

I am so sorry for your loss of Ahi. I have been following his story and tears filled
my eyes when I saw the candle in the post.
Fly free sweet Ahi.

 

(((Stef))) I am so very sorry. The love and warmth that you gave to Ahi will guide him quickly to the Bridge and because of you he had such a wonderful few months. I hope that through the pain the warmth that he is shining down upon you can be felt.

 

Stephani,

I am so sorry for your loss. It is amazing how quickly these little furballs crawl into your heart. (((Stephani)).

Fly free Ahi and look for Benji and Magic at the bridge.

Claudia

 

My thoughts and preayers are with you Stefani.

Sarah

 

I am also SO sorry to hear this. My heart is also with Stefani and Ahi. As you said, she gave Ahi four wonderful months he would not have otherwise had. That is a very valuable gift. I pray God brings her comfort and peace.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

I'm so sorry to hear this sad news. Ahi was blessed to have found you to care for him and do what is right by him. Thank you for all you did.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about this Stefani. Bless you for taking him in. He knew you loved him.

In the video, he is so cute! And he looks a lot like my little Tida that just passed. Maybe they are playing together right now.

 

(((Stefani)))

I am so very, very, sorry Stefani! You gave Ahi a loving home for 4 months and were there when he needed you the most and I know that Ahi loves you deeply for that. Bless you for loving so deeply and completely and for taking Ahi's pain on as your own.

I'm wrapping you in lots of hugs, love and prayers.

 

So sorry, (((((((Stefani))))))) Fly free, ~~~~~Ahi~~~~~

May we add him to the acrocat list? (diabetic with pituitary tumor probably = acromegaly)

 

This is so sad (((Stef)))) I am so sorry. That pussycat knew real love thanks to you, unconditional and without boundaries, including being brave enough to release him when his body had had enough.

Fly free Ahi.

Kimmee

 

Oh (((((Stef))))), I'm so sorry to hear this.

Fly free Ahi wings_cat

 

Stef,
I am so sorry. I pray the lord will give you peace.
Hugs,
CJ rb_icon

 

I am so sorry....my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sherry

 

I am so very sorry for your loss.

~M

 

Peace and comfort to you Stefani. You have a big brave heart.

 

{{{{{{{{Stefani}}}}}}}}}

I am so so sorry for your loss... Ahi was so blessed to get all your love and to have someone who loved cared for him so much be with him when he crossed over.

Blessings,
Theresa

 

Noooooooo !!!!

I can't believe this....I'm so sad.

Fly free beautiful Ahi.

 

Dear FDMB friends . . .

I want you to know how comforting and helpful your beautiful words are. It has been hard for me to think of posting. It is hard to know what to say.

Dear Ahi was so very wonderful. Of course, all cats are special. But just like Denise, the woman who originally posted a plea for his rescue here, said, there was something very very very special about Ahi. Everyone who met him loved him.

When Ahi came to me just before Thanksgiving, he was starving, his bg registered "hi" and I thought that was good news, because it meant it was treatable.

He responded so well to insulin, and then we had the cancer scare - thinking that he had the oral squamous cell carcinoma. Then he got the all clear from that. Just eosinophilic granuloma. Great news, right?

By New Years, I was in love with him, wondering if I'd ever be able to let him go to a permanent home. Being with him was just pure joy. He was funny, smart, sweet, and had a way of carrying himself -- you know, that way that only old boy kitties do?

The first thing I noticed about Ahi was how he used his paws. I have never seen a cat use his front paws like that. He was so desperate for food at first, while I was getting it out of the can he would jump up, and reach his paw into the can, and scoop a pawful of food out, then lift it to his mouth to feed himself with his "hands!" Although he looked older to me, he was able to jump about 3 1/2 diagonal feet from the bed to the dresser, to look for food. So he was very spry and lively.

He would use his paws in other ways:

When I slept in the bedroom with him, he would reach out and clasp onto me with a paw, and start purring. It wasn't a touch. It was a clasp. I've never known a cat to his his "hands" like Ahi did.

If I was leaving his room, and he didn't want me to leave, as I walked around the bed, he would reach out and grab me with his front paws to try to keep me from leaving. Which of course, was heartbreaking. If I was petting him and he wanted me to pet him a little lower, he would move my hand with his "hand." And when he didn't want me to hometest him, he would also make it really hard -- with his paws, running interference with my hands. He was increasingly hard to hometest, although he never growled or hissed -- he just used his hands!

He had that wonderful gruff boy voice. When I introduced him to my cats, he was not ruffled. They hissed and made great noise. My one cat, JuJu, would watch him try to jump on the couch with me, and start hissing. Ahi would look at her, think about what to do -- and he wouldn't hiss back, or make lots of noise. He would just whack JuJu once on the top of the head to get her to move out of the way.

Whenever he slept out in the living he would take JuJu's place right next to me. As though he was saying: "I don't know who you all are, but this is my place, so I'll sleep where I like."

He was very creative looking for food. He would turn over the trashcan and empty it, pulling its contents onto the floor. If there were dishes in the sink, I'd walk in there and see him inspecting them for scraps of food.

When I slept in the bed with him, around 3 or 4am (when he decided he wanted food) he would come and lie down right above my head -- on my hair -- purring. This was his "polite" way of asking me to get up and feed him. I'd wake up feeling him pulling my hair and purring.

It was so fun to see how he interacted with my only boy cat, Quixote. Quixoe is 3 1/2 and the three girl cats, who are all 10, do not really "get" him. He tries to roughhouse with them, and they scream bloody murder. He means nothing bad by it, he just wants to wrastle like all boys do. The girls are old gals and do not take kindly to rough play, no matter how good natured. But Quixote never ever hisses, even when he tackles the girls, because to him its all fun. Meanwhile the girls are hissing and yowling and objecting as though someone is trying to kill them when all he wants is to play. It has sucked for him to be the only boy.

From the very first time they were in a room together, Quixote was very very interested in Ahi. When Quixote looked at Ahi, he had a look on his face I have never seen before. It is not a look he ever gave the girls. It was a look of fascination and respect. And when Ahi was turning the trashcan over and pulling all its contents onto the kitchen floor, Quixote was riveted, at a respectful distance, with a look on his face that seemed to say: "Oh, wow, that's really smart, can I learn from you?" From that point on, Quixote shadowed Ahi whenever they were both in the living room or kitchen, always at a respectful distance, with a look of fascination and respect on his face. Learning all kinds of things from Ahi. The two of them would sleep in close proximity to one another on the couch, quite happily. (Although sadly, Ahi never got close enough for cuddling with any of the cats).

One day, I think in January, I was sweeping the living room, and noticed that Ahi was stalking the broom! Thats when I broke out the dangling mousie toy, and he played with it. Later, I noticed Ahi and Quixote "stalking" each other. They never pounced, but they both looked happy and grateful to have a "boy" in the house who understood playing. For a brief time, Quixote had a much older big brother to look up to. And Ahi seemed to humor him with the stalking play, as though he knew Quixote was a younger boy who wanted an older brother to communicate with him in a playful way.

As you can gather from all of this, there was no sign of any neurological problem for Ahi at all, most of the time he was with me. That's what is killing me about the whole thing. It all happened so fast. On the last Wednesday in February -- Wednesday 9 days ago, a week before he was PTS -- Ahi was normal. Except, I had noticed that his pupils were dilated. Then, the next day, Thursday, I saw him walk into a closet door. That is when I realized his vision was going. I though, "OK, he's old, wow, he's losing his vision." So two days later, last Saturday, we went for the follow up visit with the vet, and while I was driving on the highway, Ahi was in the carrier in the back seat. I heard two clicking noises, and then I saw a tail high up in the rear view mirror. Ahi has let himself out of the carrier. He climbed into the front seat with me, crawled onto me (while I am doing 60 on the highway -- yipes!) and stared out the drivers side window. So he still had his coordination and at least partial vision, just 4 days before I ended up having to put him down. The vet said basically: "Oh, he has partial vision loss, but hisretina aren't detached. You should see an opthalmologist."

So I made an appointment for an opthalmologist for the following Tuesday, just 3 days later. But by Monday, the day before the appointment, I could tell that Ahi had lost ALL his vision. He was still acting pretty normal for a blind cat, but he was blind. And by Tuesday morning, the day of the opthalmology apointment, he was clearly neurological: He was walking into walls and getting "stuck" there. He stopped eating. He stopped drinking. He stopped using the litter box. I was freaking out.

The opthalmologist knew immediately that it wasn't his eyes. W made a appointment for the very next day, Wednesday, with the neurologist -- a woman I trust. She is the woman who saved Toonces life after his overdose.

My mind was going crazy. The only time I'd ever seen these symptoms was with Toonces, after his overdose. But I couldn't imagine how Ahi could have been hypo he got only .25 units, and then ONLY if his bg was over 125. I never caught him below 80 lately. But of course that's the first place my mind went, since the only time I've ever seen this degree of neurological damage in a cat was in Toonces, because of hypo.

Then the SPCA vet said that although she thought it was probably a brain tumor, there were other more remote possibilities like toxoplasmosis. I freaked out. I feed my cats partially cooked chicken -- Ahi had some -- could he have gotten Toxo from the semi-raw chicken I gave him?

By the time we got to the neurologist on Wednesday he was in pretty bad shape. He was pacing or walking in circles, he was no longer meowing or talking, even his feet were starting to go under him from time to time. He couldn't -- didn't know to -- use a litter box anymore. I had to give him fluids because he wasn't drinking, wasn't eating. The neurologist said she thought it was most likely a tumor, and that the most likely kind was a pituitary gland tumor. If it was that, she said, the treatment would be prednisone, and it wouldn't dial back his neurological status to normal, although he might improve some. It would be temporary as a pituitary tumor would not be surgically treatable. The other option -- a better one -- would be a meningioma, but Ahi would have to undegro brain surgery. The cats who have surgery for meningioma fall into three categories she said: Cats who come out of surgery better than they were when they went in, but still not back to normal; cats who don't do well after surgery and don't bounce back; and cats who do go back to nearly normal, but that's the minority. There was also the possibility that Ahi wouldn't make it through surgery.

To even know what it was, he would have had to have a $2k brain scan.

So the question was:

If we had the scan, and knew what it was, what would I do anyway? If the scan showed a pituitary tumor, I would have chosen to PTS, because he was already so far gone neurologically that a little prednisone -- the only treatment on the table -- would not have restored him to a decent life. If on the other hand, it was a meningioma, then I would have been faced with the difficult decision of whether or not to put him through costly surgery that he might not survive, that would put him through a lot, with only a minority chance that he would recover to a decent quality.

I suppose I will always wonder would we would have found if I had opted for the brain scan, but at the rate he was going downhill, I didn't think he'd really even make it to the scan appointment, much less all the way to surgery in the best case scenario which was meningioma. So, I decided to let him go. I agonized, but I just couldn't see putting him through all that given the odds.

I've just never seen a cat go downhill that fast before (aside from Toonces but we understand why that happened). It is so hard for me to accept this rapid decline. That is the thing that is hardest -- I am still in shock. Even as I write this, 10 days ago, he was normal.

It is very disappointing, and very sad. But I have to say -- every minute with him was a pure joy. He was such a very special cat. I was besotted with him, dreading the day I'd have to give him up to a permanent home, trying to justify having a 5th cat, wondering if it was fair or right that I was getting more enjoyment out of being with Ahi than my own four. He just had such a BIG personality, was so unique, I have never met a cat like him.

Thank you so much for your sweetness, all these posts give me comfort.

Ahi will be laid to rest at the pet cemetery where Toonces is. It's probably a crazy thing to do but F it. I adored him, and if he had found a permanent home with anyone else on this list (any of you who were thinking about him that way, waiting for me to put out the announcement that he was ready to go -- you know who you are, and I know you are out there!) you would have been madly in love with him too.

So he was your cat too. He belonged to all of you, to all of us.

What a special, special cat.

I just still can't believe it. It was a horrible thing, a fast horrible thing. It is just so hard to believe.

A very special thanks, and deep gratitude, to Venita and the FDMB Cats in Need fund, and all of Ahi's benefactors. And well wishers. I really wish we had all had more time with him. I am so sorry.

 

Stef, I loved reading all you wrote about Ahi. What a special kitty he was. Sometimes we are given no signs till the end.....growing silently inside....and by the time it shows outward signs there is really nothing to be done. Sometimes great cruelty is done in the name of love...you chose wisely for Ahi......you gave him a loving and peaceful passing instead of putting him through hell. When we know what lies ahead and we have an good idea of what the outcome will be and we know what they will go through.......if they survive.......then euthanasia becomes a kindness. Animals have no voice to ask for the peace of euthanasia. They depend on us to help them. You loved him enough to let him go....you put Ahi ahead of your own pain on losing him. My heart goes out to you.

He was loved.....for those months Ahi was with you......he was loved. wings_cat

 

Thank you Hope. This morning I am really questioning if I made the right choice. He just had declined so hard and fast. But I'm tormenting myself researching survival rates for meningiomas, which look good. It is too late to really revisit that now and I know I shouldn't be doing it. I was so freaked out by his rapid and severe decline. And coming up with at least $8,000 for a shot would have been hard. I know she said she thought pituitary tumor was more likely, which would not have been operable and I would have PTS anyway unless prednisone had some dramatic positive effect without making his diabetes go crazy (which I doubt because tresaderm made his bgs go to 500). He had declined so rapidly to such a low level, it's hard to imagine that prednisone alone would have turned that around.

I probably should have put him on pred had the scan. But at the rate he was declining, I don't know how much time there was to do things like that. Had it been a meningioma, finding the money for surgery would have been really hard but not impossible. I would have had to sell stock I was trying to leave alone for retirement, and it would have been a long shot, but now today that I am looking up these survival rates for meningioma, I am feeling as though I may have chosen wrong. The neurologist would have done it and even she said that if it was her cat she would have done the scan, but for some reason I got a different impression from her about the post-surgical prognosis for meningioma than what I am seeing online today.

I know most of us question afterwards if we made the right choice. Today I am in that place. I probably should have called Jess to see what she would have advised. I know it sounds nuts, but in that moment, Earl's own amazing story wasn't even in my head. Just the horror of having watched Ahi decline so steeply to such a low level.

 

((((Stefani))))) Second guessing gives one nothing but misery. You did the absolute right thing given the information you were given and, frankly, with the cost that additional diagnostics would have required. Please step away from the computer and give your cats some loving. Go out and get some fresh air, maybe take a short walk with a friend.

We all here know you gave Ahi the kindest, most heartbreaking gift.

Love, Venita

 

THose are the most dangerous, those fast tumors and cancers. I think you made absolutely the right decision and Ahi had a wonderful "life" with you. ((((((((hugs)))))))) It is no small thing.

 

Don't beat yourself up, stefani! You did the right thing, with the info you were given. I know what it's like when you have those "what if....." thoughts. After I had Tida PTS (exactly one month ago today), those thoughts kept running through my mind. Her time with me was over...it was wonderful, but she was done.

The same thing with Ahi. You gave him a short time of true happiness and he touched your soul. But his time was over. You did everything you could, given the circumstances. In a way, it is better that it was so fast....so he didn't suffer for a long time.

You are a great momma bean! Don't feel bad. Just go over and love the other 4 kitties.

(He sounds like he was quite the charmer, I have to add!)

 

((Stefani ))

I was so shocked to see this. Ahi was so, so lucky to have had these last few months with you. What a gift. I'm so sorry to see this.

 

ahi went on my birthday.
we all deserve love in this world. grateful that ahi knew such love in 4 short months with you. i know you know that's worth everything, even pain to us. love is the most important thing and you gave it in abundance. (((HUGS)))